There are some things that are acceptable to do in public and some things you ONLY do in private. We accept taking a crap or partaking in the basic actions needed to create a child are typically reserved for more private locales. But who determines which goes in which list?
Public = Blowing your nose
Private = Blowing your boss
Public = Picking your Fantasy Baseball Team
Private = Picking your underwear from your crack
Public = Applying lip balm
Private = Applying for welfare
Public = Wiping sweat off your brow
Private = Wiping whip cream off your penis
Public = Quoting Mel Gibson movies
Private = Quoting Mel Gibson
Public = Singing your head off to Hair
Private = Singeing off your pubic hair
Public = Tying your sneakers & shooting hoops
Private = Tying off & shooting up
Public = Drinking a coke listening to Fats Domino
Private = Finishing a coke with Fatty Arbuckle
Public = Finger painting pictures of your cousin
Private = Finger banging…I think you get the point
When in doubt ask yourself, “What would Gary Carter do?” The answer? NOTHING. Because he died last week.
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