Wednesday, May 6, 2015

Nebraska vs, Homosexuals (not a WWE match)

On May 1st, 2015, a 66 year old Nebraskan woman, named Sylvia Driskell, filed a federal lawsuit in the U.S. District Court of Omaha.

The suit, which is seven pages of hand written gold, asks, “Is homosexuality a sin, or not a sin?”

Citing herself as the plaintiff, she claims to be an ambassador for both God and his son, Jesus Christ. The defendants are homosexuals (listed as “their given name, homosexuals”) as well as their alias, spelled “Alis”, “Gay.”

In making her argument, she quotes the King James Version of the ever popular “God Hates Fags” book of Leviticus:

Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination.

A few things about this actual line of dialogue before I move on…

First, Leviticus is largely believed to be a collection of speeches God made to Moses. Moses had been int he desert for 40 years and was fast approaching the end of his 120 year, probably not the ideal stenographer. in fact, Moses's younger brother, Aaron would have been a better candidate to record the "word of the Lord." BUT, according to the Bible, Moses stripper his brother of his "priestly garments" in quite the "cunty" manner (that last part was mine, not the Bible).

Aaron would die on Mount Hor according to the book of Numbers…or he’d die at Moseroth as recorded in Deuteronomy. Two totally different places that have “significant distances” between them according to Fredric J. McCurdy’s succinctly titled, The JewishEncyclopedia: A Descriptive Record of the History, Religion, Literature, andCustoms of the Jewish People from Earliest Times: Complete in Twelve Volumes.

But hey, why quibble over the vast inaccuracies in the Bible?

Second, as mentioned, Moses was old and presumably tired. He even wrote “it is abomination” not “it is AN abomination.” This would infer, there is NOTHING ELSE one could do that is an abomination, just gay sex or literally to “lie with mankind.” This warning not to “lie with mankind.” could be God railing against “hoodwinking” your fellow man (which, let’s be honest, probably means to do something with one’s penis according to Urban Dictionary)

Yet still, Moses, before stripping his brother (which is a bit hom-ish, itself), may have been pissed off because Aaron was NEVER around to do Moses’ bidding. He was younger and thus more virile. So it could be assumed by scholars and pervs alike that Aaron was out banging women…and perhaps even men.

Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination.

Also, if that colon is a typo caused by a 120 year old's "dim eye (YES< I know Deuteronomy says, "his eye was not dim." However we already saw the conflicts that book had with Numbers, so how accurate is it?), then it actually means you shouldn't lie with men OR women. SO I submit two thoughts here:

1.    (lie = fucking) God was looking to create a pre Clive Owen, Children of Men situation of NO MORE PEOPLE being produced!
2.    (lie = bear false witness), God really meant, “stop lying you motherfuckers!”
As in, “WHOA! What’s with all of these wars being fought in my name here guys? You get that mine is a message of peace and love, right?”

But, I digress…back to Nebraska.

Here’s my concern in regards to this young lady’s suit (young compared to old man Moses).

She’s naming ALL homosexuals in this suit, and presumably, ALL homosexual activity. Does this include the fellow who is NOT a homosexual, and one night he’s surfing the internet (we’ll say proof reading the Bible or something), eventually he finds himself looking at porn. THERE’S SO MUCH OF IT ON THE INTERNET!!!
The porn is going great, when all of the sudden, this NON homosexual has a “Lola Situation” on his hand (or IN it!). Should he stop? Should he click to another video? Should he close the browser all together? Or should he continue, ignoring the hoodwinking that has been thrust upon him?

…er, ah hypothetically, of course!

I have included the actual handwritten petition below.

Before answering her question of, “Is homosexuality a sin, or not a sin?” (It’s not), she really needs to define WHAT homosexuality is.

Speaking of definitions, according to the Urban Dictionary, Hood Winking is "when someone gets slapped in the eye by an uncircumcised penis, followed by dragging motion away from the eye.

Yep. Nailed it!