Wednesday, August 20, 2014

A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words, Even If You Only Read The Caption

I'm not going to get into the politics of the story out of Ferguson, MO other than to say that a lot of news organizations have been lifting photos of Michael Brown (out of ANY context) from his Facebook page.

This has lead to the rise of a twitter hashtag movement called #IfTheyGunnedMeDown

Which photo of you would the news media use if YOU were the story?

This is a serious discussion that needs to be analyzed by far greater people than a guy who basically tells dick jokes. BUT......

What if I was gunned down?
There sure are a LOT of options the lazy media could rip from my Facebook page.

Here are a few and the justifications:

1. Guns.
This type of photo is ideal. Also, I am clearly threatening a police office. So if I was shot by the police (whether justifiable or not), they could run this one to show my complete lack of respect for law enforcement.

2. Tattoos.
The media has a field day with tattoos. As if, some of the most respected people in society don't have tattoos. But a threatening photo like this will scare people indoors to watch hours of CNN.

3. Violence (Against Women).
Sure it's possible she was asking for it (she was!) But there's no back story to a picture. At least not when you don't bother to do ANY research whatsoever.

4. Violence (Against Children) AND possible Zombistic Behavior.
OK. You got me on this one. But babies are delicious!!!
I had been BIG into the new Jonathan Swift diet. Lost 15 pounds in just a week.

5. Stealing Aborigine's Souls.
Fuck 'em! They aren't going to read this anyway. Also, can you even be sure that's me?
Of course you can, because I only own 1 dress shirt.

6. Cults.
A photo that shows one engaging in cultish behavior.
You ask, how damning is a picture like this? "Try Again Later."

7. Drinking.
What better way to tell if someone is known to have poor judgement from time to time?
*SIDE NOTE - If you consider THIS a dress shirt, I have two...and I wear this one in multiple photos here.

8. Drinking +
Sometimes showing one drinking is not enough.
You must also show the subject 15 years younger...
...with green hair...
...and a jacket that is too big.

It also helps if their belt hangs about 3 inches too low.

9. High Tech Weaponry.
Because guns don't always sell your story. How about a photo with militarized weaponry? Or a plastic fork and some strategically placed party hats?

10. A Prison Photo.
The creme dela creme, is being able to tie them to past indiscretions. A mugshot or photo of them in prison is HUGE!

It's important in this busy day and age, to just make assumptions based on a photo or a headline. Look we don't have time to get to the bottom of things. That's how we stay on top! On top of what? I don't know, because I forget what we were talking about.

But hey, check out my web series The Clink at