Sunday, January 23, 2011

Great Moments in History #712 "“The first Great Awakening of using a gift card”

Great Moments in History #712 "“The first Great Awakening of using a gift card”

Not only did I turn the South on to popcorn shrimp in the 1770s, but I also kept them from naming the "Mason Dixon Line" the "Feel Free to Fuck Your Sister Delineation."

That's worth a bit more than $25!

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Great Moments in History #213 "Questioning Commies"

Great Moments in History #213 "Questioning Commies"

J. Edgar is one hell of an interrogator.  Do I smell perfume?

Friday, January 14, 2011

Great Moments in History #67 "The Surrender of the South

Great Moments in History #67 "The Surrender of the South"

Robert E. Lee surrendering to me bringing an end to The Civil War.  I made damn certain all "i's" were dotted and "t's" were crossed.  Didn't want him getting off on a technicality.

I should have put an addendum in banning those stupid re enactments.  My bad on that one folks...

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Kerryoke 2006-2011

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What has made it to the number 5 in a series?  


The Police Academy films…

Almost EVERY horror franchise...

What hasn’t?  

Eric Clapton’s son...

Kerryoke turned 5 this year…sort of...It’s actually been six years since we started Kerryoke, taking one year off along the way.

Now before you think I don’t know how to spell karaoke allow me to bore you with some history.

2006 –Kerryoke:
Kerryoke started in 2006 at the home of Kerry Kristine McElrone & Melissa Joy Hart.  
*Apparently one needed to have 3 names to be on the lease. 

That particular year was a SURPRISE! party in celebration of Kerry’s birthday (Jim Burn’s idea).  

Kerry was crying because the "cover" story was TOO good!
I remember getting to her house at about 2 pm to set up a $400 stage that had amazingly overpowering lights.  I am still worried the skin cancer fall out hasn’t yet manifest itself.  The first year was a huge success featuring wigs, hats and other assorted goodies…The idea was a well planned, highly organized endeavor with Jim Burns & Gordon Holmes coming up with the name and logo.
After a vote, (B) was chosen.  We had a CafePress page and everything.  No expense was spared.  

First wig donned at Kerryoke
The lights shine bright on Jimmy
First appearance of "Angry Lesbians"
The MC busts a move with TS
The one and only appearance by Patrick
Collateral damage:  
-Not really any to speak about other than Julie getting swallowed by the couch at the end of the night.

No Kerryoke was celebrated in 2007.  I don’t know if Kerry’s birthday was even recognized on the calendar that year.  I heard the Mayans predicted this would happen.

A sad year filled with lies!

2008 - Kerryoke 2:
In 2008, I resurrected Kerryoke, it was a good time in '06, why not make it an annual thing.  But where to have it?  Georgie Staley offers her lovely ALL white & pink abode.  

What could go wrong with people drinking red wine there?  Oh lots.  This was a GREAT party!  People were so drunk, most of the pictures are out of focus.  
The original "League"
The 1st appearance of Herr Gray @ Kerryoke
The Greatest photo in Kerryoke history
The return of the "Angry (perhaps drunken) Lesbians"
This would be the ONLY Kerryoke to date without an appearance by Tonya TS Baynes.

Collateral damage:  
-White bed spread + passed out from Red Wine = Pink bed spread.
-The screen door was walked through.  More than once.
-Crown molding was cracked.  I have it on good authority who the guilty party was there (it was me!)
-Mud was tracked throughout white carpet.

Could’ve been worse…
Georgie was a trooper through it all.

Even the knife is PINK!

2009 - Kerryoke 3:
The third incarnation of Kerryoke in 2009 ("Return of the Sing"), saw us crossing state lines.  Karen & Elaine volunteered their home in New Jersey during a snow storm.

The snow would be a factor for some and result in a lower attended party than usual.  Though you wouldn’t know it from the sounds we produced.  

Georgie could not make it because she was learning lines for an upcoming play.  
*This would mark a tradition that would extend until 2011, the previous year's host NEVER goes to another Kerryoke.  Perhaps that should tell you what happens at Kerryoke.  Also missing is MJoy, co host of the augural event, making her the first "original" to miss an appearance.

Karen goes all SUPER Italiano Mama!  Making food that would put even the best 5 star restaurant to shame.  Elaine opens a casino in the basement for those looking to escape the “music of the night,” as well as part with some of their income.

Gordon Holmes, who had MCed the first 2 events, was late to K3.  The impatient masses wouldn’t wait and the party went unMCed.

This party would also see a pregnant Sue Deisler ready to bring future Kerryoke participant Abby into this world.  

Amy & Sue
And yours truly would make the mistake of allowing a young, horny fellow drive me and my wife.  3:30 am would see me calling him repeatedly on his cell phone, as he was holed up in a room making out with a chick. 

Daryan & Kevin - looks like the "Retarded Wiggles"
The first appearance of Jason Stockdale

Michael & Kerry
Brian Couch...a Kerryoke regular & Julie
It must also be noted this was the FIRST appearance of Danielle Finlay...who braved stormy weather to make sure our birthday girl made it to her party! 

Collateral damage:  
-The chocolate fondue fountain, not to be confused with the champagne fountain (I told you…5 star restaurant) malfunctioned, spurting chocolate on the walls & ceiling.  I still never got the whole story about what happened there.  Though I don’t think it was mechanical error.
-Also my loss of beauty sleep as pointed out in the paragraph above.

2010 - Kerryoke 4:
Ray & Erica Harrington brave the musical celebration of Kerry’s birth.  Also, rather than taking Georgie’s portable karaoke machine to this party, we are able to use Ray’s personal system.  We had been using his CDs since Kerryoke 2 why not go full tilt boogie?

Ray's "red eyes" cannot be fixed, as he is spawned from the Devil
There had been a snow storm earlier in the week as evidenced from the snow and ice on the ground.  But no new snow fell that night.

As always, a lot of new faces, but also some faces have gone missing including original karaoker, Gordon Holmes.

Maybe the least sexy feature of any party to date saw myself and Ray Harrington hanging out at the end of the night in short shorts in another Kerryoke first, the Hot Tub.  Disturbing indeed (no photo - you're welcome)
One of my favorite photos of Julie & me
Lee & Kevin
Danielle, Ryan, Kerry, Brian (in mask), Kevin, Crystal & Jason
Emily & Tom
"Angry Lesbians" make a long awaited return appearance
Collateral damage:  
-Surprisingly not much.  A lot of trash & therapy for the poor bastards who saw Ray & me without shirts.

2011 - Kerryoke 5:
Steve & Pam Manocchio add guitar hero to the mix, offering yet another noise inducing electronic to have the neighbors calling the authorities.

A big snow storm the day before would see snow start and stop throughout the day.  It also leads to a snow shoveling scramble to clear the drive way…which NO one would end up parking in.  We were however able to use the snow to keep the beer cold.  We are both innovative and economical.

I believe this most recent Kerryoke had more people than anyone to date.  I could count them up, but I’d rather stand by my assumption.

Along with traditional Kerryoke

This Kerryoke featured:


A Hulk Hand


 But also, a FOG Machine  

We were also fortunate enough to see "The Angry Lesbians" grow in numbers.

I have NO freaking idea how we'll top it next year...but knowing all of these people, I have no doubt we will.

So anyone interested in hosting Kerryoke 6?

You may think it's just another party, but I assure you it's so much more than that!

After all, it's where the US defeated the Nazis!