Friday, September 8, 2017

First Day of School

Yesterday was Kit's first day of Pre-school. The first time she was in a structured classroom setting (for the entire day!) I'll jump to the ending, she did great! But for a minute or two, I wasn't sure how it would turn out.

First - she fell asleep the night before at approximately 5:30pm. WTF?!? This HAS happened before, but it's extremely rare. She slept over 12 freaking hours! So when she woke up, she was extremely pleasant and agreeable.

Second - I got her cheerios for breakfast, but then she walked across the room and picked up Bisquick that happened to be sitting out and announced, "I want pancakes." Julie, happy to make Kit's first day of school special, quickly whipped up vegan pancakes (which isn't as quick or easy as it sounds). Kit ate her pancakes AND cereal!



Third - getting dressed. Always a potential challenge. Kit is usually up for wearing whatever you suggest, but she's also three and often remembers that. This day, she wore what Julie had laid out for her with no objections. She even let us do her hair, which is always a risky gambit.

Fourth - the Photo. Of course we took it. About 8 of them in various locations.


Finally Five - the drop off. Went off without a hitch.

Julie and I were shocked. We spent the rest of the morning at Frankie's on Fairview (of MacDade Blvd), and then went home where I vacuumed and mopped the kitchen floor. The we went clothes shopping. Then to lunch. All biding our time before picking Kit up from school.

When 3 o'clock finally came around we picked our daughter up by walking into her classroom as required. As Kit said goodbye to her teacher with a handshake (also required so the teacher knows when each kid has been picked up), the teacher asked, "Kit, what kind of pet do you have?" Julie and I stood in the back of the room listening to our sweet, precious child lie! "Well," which is how Kit starts almost every sentence, "I don't have a pet, but if I did, I'd want a chicken."


What the hell?!?

For the record, we have 5 rescued cats (indoors) and 1 feral (outdoor) who we take care of (by we, I am including Kit!)

Our kitchen looks more yellow in photos than it is in reality.
So now apparently, I have to look into rescuing chickens...though knowing Julie's track record, she'll find one (or ten) while driving home from work tonight.

Monday, July 17, 2017

ComedySportz & The Punch Up Podcast (MASH UP!)


This Saturday (July 22nd) is the 25th Anniversary of ComedySportz in Philadelphia. It's the longest running show in Philly!!!

I have been extremely fortunate to have been a cast member since 2011 and a Board Member for about the same amount of time. 


In my time with CSz Philadelphia, I have met some of the kindest, funniest, and most talented people in the city...and also Joe Sabatino.

If you're able to make it to the special 25th Anniversary match(es) this Saturday night (7pm or 9:30pm) located at The Mandell Theater on Drexel University's campus, I highly encourage you to do so! I have been working with some of the best and brightest to produce this momentous night. So cancel your eff-ing plans and do this!!!

Get your tickets by CLICKING here.

Last week and this week, The Punch Up Podcast has been hosting players, to tell their ComedySportz origin stories.  Here's mine...no spider bites, no alien rings, and no dead parents in an alley way. Just good old fashion "Yes, And."


Thursday, July 6, 2017

Reunions vs Insecurities

When my 5 year High School reunion came around in 1999, I had no intention of going. And I didn't. Not that I didn't like High School, but I knew it was more than just my friends that I'd be revisiting, I would also be reunited with all of my insecurities - of which there are many.
I was still enrolled in college and was still working the same retail job I had at the end of High School (though now in management). I was however in a new relationship in which I had high hopes.

Then my 10 year reunion rolled around. It was 2004. I had reconnected with a lot of classmates on Facebook and decided I was going to go to the reunion. I even told a few people I would be there. To make things even easier, the reunion was being hosted at a bar only a handful of blocks from where I was living. But, though we're not friends on Facebook, my insecurities "poked" me reminding me they were still around.

I was STILL working that same retail job, just a different location. Never mind that I was really good at it. I was in an apartment not a house. I also wasn't working in Hollywood, which would for a long time be the measuring stick I'd fall way short of...of course I had been making short films with my partner Joel, as well as working in some pretty spectacular theatrical productions...oh yeah, and I married that pretty awesome lady from the relationship 5 years earlier.

Tick, tock, tick, tock...then it's 15 years, 2009. I don't recall my excuse for this one at all. I guess at that point I had given up on even fooling myself into thinking I was going to go.

I was no longer working in retail, but rather at a Fortune 500 company - though you wouldn't know it from my paycheck. My wife and I were home owners. I had a pretty successful web series, with another one on the horizon. But still those insecurities were getting older and wiser.

Boom! 20 years! 2014.
I have a kid.
I go.

Is that the difference? Is that why I was able to say, "You know what? Fuck this! I'm going."

I see a bunch of people I haven't seen (other than on Facebook) in 20 years! --- That's fucking crazy! I'm not old enough to have not seen people I was extremely close with in 20 fucking years!

But there I was. I left all my insecurities behind...but they caught an Uber. Halfway through the evening, they appeared. And not just mine. It seemed everyone's came too. Uber had a carpool rate. Halfway though the night, I watched as all of the cliques started to reform. Nobody was pushed into a locker and no wedgies were given, but slowly people started to gravitate to the people they were most comfortable with. Never mind that most of us have kids, and mortgages, and bad knees, and gray hair (if we have any at all). The same unspoken worries connect us all, yet we all reverted right back to 1994 as those insecurities drank on our tab.

Jump ahead 3 more years, to two weeks ago - Saturday June 24th.


A reunion.


Not mine. So zero insecurities.

My wife's reunion. Not High School. But a group closer than High Schoolers could ever be. You HAVE to go to High School, but Pulsations was a place where so many young "outsiders" in High School could feel comfortable in their own skin. Call them freaks, or misfits, or punks, or whatever, they were all kids going through many of the same things, together.



A wonderful reunion was put together at Bar XI (Used to be Mojo 13) because Pulsations is no longer around (a retirement home is in it's place, which I like to point out to my wife). The night celebrated all of the "kids" who used to hang out at Pulsations as well as Steve Singer who would spin the records they would dance to.



I "people watched" throughout the night and noticed how comfortable everybody seemed with each other. 20 some odd years later, and it seemed like these old friends had just seen each other in the alternative room last Sunday night.

Though some have remained close, there didn't see to be any cliques within the group. Just everyone getting together to dance and have a good time.


Julie had spoken so highly of so many of these faceless names I was now able to meet. Of course there were a handful of them I had already met. Everyone of them, new and old, was kind and welcoming to me, the new outsider.



And their music was pretty okay, too.

At some point during the night, watching my wife dancing from across the bar, I realized this is her ComedySportz.



Everyone belongs somewhere. It's an amazing thing when you find those places, because insecurities can't afford the cover charge.


************************************

OKAY, some truth for you: I actually started writing this a few days after the reunion. Then I decided not to post it. I'm not exactly sure why. A lot of time I hide behind comedy when I want to say anything or meaning, and this post isn't particularly funny. For every 10 blogs I post, I probably delete 1 for that same reason.

Insecurities? Probably.

Then last night, Julie found out one of her friends from Pulsations (and the reunion two weeks ago) passed away suddenly.


Now it feels like not posting it because the writing isn't from a comedic point of view is disingenuous.

I'm very grateful that Julie got to go to this reunion and see her friend one last time. I'm glad that any insecurities she may have felt were beaten back allowing her this opportunity. I'm also honored to have been adopted by this fine group of people, and look forward to going to the next Pulsations reunion.

Don't let your insecurities keep you from doing something you love.

Friday, June 2, 2017

Spelling Bee - A Lifetime Original

I'm not going to pretend that I didn't get super excited midway through and think this show might become a real thing!

But alas, no one has yet committed.

I am a bit surprised it didn't get just a little bit more traction:





I guess to get any real notice on Twitter, you have to be a cartoony evil billionaire who's constantly putting our planet in peril.

Well, at least Anna Faris liked it.





Seriously, you think she'd play the voice of the agent?

(as seen on twitter.com/YourHeroKevin)

Wednesday, May 31, 2017

mis·di·rec·tion/misdəˈrekSHən/


Donald Trump: Oh man! The walls are closing in around me. This Russian thing won't go away. Soon they'll know the truth and then I'm done! What can I do to throw the public off the scent?

(TWEETS)

Donald Trump: My work is done here.

Monday, May 22, 2017

JIZZ MOTEL

Tomorrow is my wife's birthday.

This week's episode of The Punch Up Podcast is a love letter to her.

She should have gotten out when she had a chance!



Friday, May 12, 2017

It Takes 5 People To Change A Tire

My Uncle Bill used to take me and my brothers to Phillies games without ever driving on Rt 322 AKA - Conchester Highway AKA "KILLER" Conchester

Instead, his route would take us down 352 through Chester...which obviously presented it's own perils...

I never minded the craziness of 322. In fact, I work right off of it, so most days I take it like 2 or 4 times. I felt as though I had conquered the beast. That is, until today.

Today Killer Conchester claimed another victim...my front passenger side tire.

Not my car...or my tire...but you get it.

For anyone not in the know, RT 322 is undergoing the long promised transformation from a 2 lane road, to a 4 lane highway! The project is scheduled to last 6 years! Construction on the road is WELL underway. 
  • Trees have been removed.
  • Buttresses have been installed.
  • Traffic (in some spots) has been temporarily diverted.
And my tire has been, destroyed!

Again, not my actual tire.

Today marked the first time I have changed a tire in many, many years.

My Mustang (which I used to park in an unpaved lot at Temple University), used to see me changing a tire almost once a year.

I remember changing different tires TWICE in one week on that bad boy.

All told, conservatively, I'd guess I changed 6 tires total on that car. It was a very easy car to change a tire on, and if memory serves, it had a FULL tire in the trunk.

No donuts for that bad boy!
Except the ones I did on your Mom's front lawn!

Still not my actual car, in fact not an actual mustang! But I drove my car like it was this one!

My Saturn probably only saw 2 or 3 tire changes...though it was also once hit and wedged into a tree while parked out front my apartment in West Chester.

Thanks drunk college kid!

Not my Saturn...or even a car! But When I typed "Saturn" into my person Google Photo search, this picture of me and my older brother on my Uncle Chris's motorcycle showed up.
We likely never changed those tires...but those ARE two future drunk college kids!

I don't recall ever having to change a tire on my Taurus. But that thing had "cop tires, cop suspensions, cop shocks."


That car was so fast, I'm not sure it needed tires.
All of this is to say, I'm pretty adept at changing tires. I mean, that's not to say I'm going to be working the pit crew for Dale Earnhardt anytime soon, but that's mostly because he died in 2001.

Today, it took FIVE people to help me change a tire!

I was able to get the car to my office (which was about 5 minutes away from where I whacked my tire).

After pulling into a parking space I immediately backed it out, realizing the scope of damage to the tire.

I opened the trunk and lo and behold had: a jack, a donut, and a lug-nut wrench. This was lucky, as 1/3 of new cars on the road do NOT have a spare/donut anymore. I had never checked.

I jacked up the car slightly and tried "cracking" the lug-nuts (I'd have just typed "nuts," but I know a few of you aren't mature enough to handle such talk - quite frankly, I'm not sure how you got passed the word "buttress").

Person #1 - Me.
(Loki, the god - or perhaps goddess of mischief didn't help me. This is just a random photo)

The lug-nuts wouldn't budge. Luckily, my coworker, Pat (who is the resident handyman) pulled into the lot. He put his boots on the wrench and used his weight to get the lug-nuts to crack. 

Person #2 - Pat.
(Pat is the first person we call on when we need help with a car. Such as Joe did when he left the lights on during a shoot over the past winter)

I was able to jack the car up the rest of the way and remove the lug-nuts and damaged tire. I then attached the donut using the same lug-nuts. I let the car down off the jack and realized the donut was flat.

At this point I had employed another coworker (and the recipient of almost all of my jokes which is the reason I had the above photo in the first place) Joe to help out.

Person # 3 - Joe.
He loves me!

Joe helped me pull an industrial pump out of the basement. But because it weighed so much, we were able to stretch the hose from the basement up to the parking lot.

But we couldn't get the pump to turn over.

We spoke with Jody, who is the building manager.
He looked at the pump with us, but couldn't figure out why it wasn't working. 

Person #4 - Jody
Actually, I couldn't find any photos of Jody, so here's another one of Joe.
(This is from a time when I convinced the waitress at Chee'burger Chee'burger
to bring Joe their HUG fake burger for his meal).
Guys, he totally loves me!

Joe called Pat on the phone (Pat had since left to do his actual job - Can you believe that?).

Pat walked us through the pump, but it still wouldn't turn on.
We tried a different outlet and a different extension chord. Nothing.

Finally, though ill conceived and potentially dangerous, we decided to scrap the pump and instead I'd drive very slowly to the gas station around the corner which has an air pump.

However, in the time I put the original (non working) pump away, Joe had recruited another coworker of ours, Andrew who has a portable pump of his own!

Person #5 - Andrew
(Pictured here with his brother Tim. And also...a donut. FULL CIRCLE!)

We filled the tire, and then Joe followed me to my mechanic so I could drop off the car.

That's how it took 5 people to change a tire.

Now, how many people will it take to pay for the repair?

Thursday, May 11, 2017

Radio Ga Ga...

On April 8th, I wrote about the three iPods that I've owned.
You're welcome to read the (long) post here.

I've been iPod-less since a few days after returning from Florida on March 13th. This was coincidentally about the last time I had a drink. The music really is dead.

Because I have no iPod, I have limited choices. I can attempt to listen to music or podcasts on my phone (YouTube, Spotify, Soundcloud, Stitcher, etc). I say "attempt" because my phone is getting older and sometimes decides, "You're not listening to music on ME today!"

My other choice is to listen to the radio, which is quite frankly, a hellish nightmare.


Here are the 10 things I've notice about listening to the radio in Philadelphia in 2017:

1. 95.7 Ben FM is legally obligated to play Cyndi Lauper's "Time After Time" once an hour OR "Girls Just Want To Have Fun" twice an hour. I used to like both songs...okay, I still do!

2. 98.1 AKA Oldies 98 considers music from the 90s to be "oldies." Pearl Jam, really?!?

3. 90.9 NPR is a great way for me to start my day of hating Donald Trump...also, it's useful when I need to know the temperature in Manahawkin once an hour.

4. 88.5 WXPN has great music all day...unless there's a telethon, which there always is...especially now with Trump's proposed cuts to NPR.

5. Philly has more channels dedicated to Sports Talk then it has chance of any of it's sports teams making the playoffs.

6. 93.3 is a coolness measuring stick:

  • When you were younger you thought Preston & Steve were cool, but as you've grown older you realize, they are definitely not cool.
  • When you were younger you thought Pierre Robert was NOT cool, but as you've grown older you realize, he definitely IS cool.
  • When you were younger you never heard of Jacky Bam Bam, but as you've grown older you realize, there has never been anyone this cool.
7. 104.5 is still "old lady" music. Sorry Mom.

8. 101.1 should only ever play Christmas Music. That's right fuckers, deal with it in September!

9. 90.1 Temple's Jazz station is likely the soundtrack to which Bill Cosby attacks.

10. I NEED MY FUCKING iPOD BACK!





Wednesday, April 26, 2017

10 Caan Shirts, 1 Is A Lie

This craze is apparently setting Facebook on fire over the past 3 days.

Here's a list of 10 Caan Shirt photos...although, one is a lie (as he's not wearing a shirt). See if you can figure out which one.

#TenCaanShirts

1


2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

10