As bloggers everywhere write their obligatory “I’m thankful for the following” lists, I decided I’d forgo the entry meant merely to tout your year’s accomplishments. I mean, do I need to mention I co-write and produce a musical to critical acclaim? ( still got it in, YES!)
Instead I wanted to write about the expression, “Happy Holidays.” Because NOBODY else is thinking of doing that.
“Yeah Kev, why don’t people just say ‘Merry Christmas’?”
Ummm…yeah. That’s not really what I meant.
In this ever growing ugly world, where we are all one misunderstood gesture away from being shot in the face, I get why people don’t want to “assume” by saying “Merry Christmas.” Oh, also…it’s NOT FUCKING CHRISTMAS YET!
That said, I don’t mind someone saying “Happy Holidays” to me as opposed to assuming I celebrate Christmas. I do. But how would they know that?
Likewise, I don’t mind someone saying “God Bless You” when I sneeze, as opposed to assuming I’m not into Religion. I’m not. I’d never spurned a person’s kind words or gesture, because it just might make this world grow uglier a little slower.
But NONE of this is the point for my writing of “Happy Holidays.” Instead I am curious, which holidays are you wishing me happiness towards? Obviously there are the BIG three:
Christmas. It’s still 28 days away (that’s a rehab stint),
Chanukah or Hanukkah. No one really knows how to spelling it, which means I probably should have been Jewish ( terrible speller)
Thanksgiving. Or as it is sometimes aptly known, “The Day We Gave Indians Smallpox Blankets In Exchange For Teaching Us How To Live Off Their Land.” (Man, that’s a mouth full)
But there are OTHER Holidays that fall within the “Holiday” spectrum of November 9th- December 30th/31st. My guess is their inclusion is why MANY conservative types rail against saying “Happy Holidays” as opposed to Merry Christmas.
“I don’t mind wish my Jewish friends a Happy Hanukkah, but there are probably Muslim holidays in there too!”
I know. We get it. You’re a dick.
First, allow me tell you how I came up with my timeframe parameters: I firmly believe, no Holiday should be celebrated until after Election Day.
“Kevin, isn’t your birthday usually around Election Day? And can’t this be interpreted as a selfish way for you to keep the focus on you a little longer?”
Ummm…yeah. But if we do start the first week of November, why not back up to include Halloween under the “Happy Holidays” umbrella as well?
SIDE NOTE: While trick or treating with my nephew, I wished a woman a “Happy Halloween.” She returned the gratitude with candy and by saying, “Happy Holidays” to me. I laughed at her. And then threw the Good N’ Plentys at her face…cause those things are fucking gross!
“OK Kevin, I concede that Halloween should NOT be covered under the ‘Happy Holidays’ brand. As no one has a problem saying ‘Happy Halloween’ except maybe Brits with a Cockney accent who say, ‘‘appy ‘alloween’. But why only go until December 30th/31st? Shouldn’t this cover New Year’s? And what’s the deal with it being 30th/31st anyway?”
OK. Allow me to address this point by point.
- Thank You
- Please don’t make fun of the Brits. They are our allies in most of the world’s problems and more importantly, they gave us Doctor Who
- Because, similar to how you point out “no one has a problem saying ‘Happy Halloween’,” they don’t have a problem saying “Happy New Years” either as it appears on our Roman/Greco calendar .
- Good question.
Right or wrong, we have stretched the Christmas season to last from the second you get up from the Thanksgiving table to New Years Eve. Personally, I view Christmas like a rollercoaster. The buildup lasts FAR longer than the actual event. That said, I think Christmas ends the first time you forget to turn on your Christmas lights, which is either 12/30 or 12/31. It just happens, folks.
So what are all of the holidays that are supported by the catch all, “Happy Holidays”? Here is a list of Holidays celebrated in the US during that timeframe:
11/28 Thanksgiving – National Holiday
11/28 Hanukkah (begins) – Jewish Holiday
11/29 American Indian Heritage Day – State Holiday in Maryland
11/29 Robert E. Lee’s Birthday – State Holiday in Georgia
11/29 President’s Day – State Holiday in New Mexico
11/29 Black Friday – State Holiday in 17 states
11/29 Lincoln’s Birthday* – State Holiday in West Virginia & Indiana
*This is bizarre as Lincoln’s birthday is 2/12. However this was done to give state worker’s a day off for the day after Thanksgiving.
12/1 First Day of Advent – Christina Holiday
12/2 Cyber Monday – Observance
12/5 Last Day of Hanukkah – Jewish Holiday
12/6 St. Nicholas Day – Observance
12/7 Pearl Harbor Remembrance Day – Observance
12/8 Feast of the Immaculate Conception – Christian Holiday
12/12 Feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe – Observation
12/17 Pan American Aviation Day – Observance
12/17 Wright Brothers Day – Observance
12/21 December Solstice – Season
12/24 Washington’s Birthday* – State Holiday in Indiana
*It’s actually 2/22…again, weird.
12/24 Christmas Eve – Observance, Christian Holiday. Also, state holiday in: Kansas, Kentucky, Michigan, North Carolina, Oklahoma, South Carolina, Texas and Wisconsin
12/25 Christmas Day – National Holiday/Christian
12/26 Day After Christmas – State Holiday in Kansas, North Carolina, New Hampshire, South Carolina and Texas (Clever name guys! It’s also Boxing Day in Canada, but the US barely recognizes Canada as a nation, surely they won’t recognize their dumb holidays)
12/26 Kwanzaa – Observance
So next time you wish someone a Happy Holiday, just remember, what you’re really saying.
“Have a ‘PANTASTIC’ Pan American Aviation Day!”
Which sounds stupid, even with a Cockney accent.