"I WILL REPORT YOU. YOU PIECE OF S***..."

"I WILL REPORT YOU. YOU PIECE OF SHIT..."

Got your attention, right? Me too! That's was the title of an email in my SPAM folder. I like to clear my SPAM folder every so often (as well as spell "SPAM" in all CAPS). Admittedly, I rarely look at the emails...but sometimes I wonder, hat if they're important, as this one clearly is!

I had to dig deeper into the email sent from:
Riley Johnson 💘 erina@xioylkk.cnyuioncop.it

"Stop stalking me and my friend or I will report you."

Wow! I'm stalking someone? I mean, sure I check Paul F. Tompkin's Twitter account just about every day (sometimes multiple times), but I wouldn't call that stalking.

As for this lady and her friend, I've never heard of them before...

"You piece of shit, cock-sucker douche. I do not know why you are doing this!"

A piece of shit, a cock-sucker, AND a douche? That's the trifecta! I must have wronged these ladies in the most grievous fashion...

"You slept together once, only once. It does not mean anything."

Hello! Now we're getting to the good stuff. But wait...I know I have never slept with anyone named Riley or Erina...by the way, is Riley using Erina's email? Does Erina know? I don't want to pry, but that seems a bit inappropriate.

Also, why would you say only sleeping together once doesn't mean anything?

Look, the Phillies have only won 1 World Series since the 80s, I assure you it's QUITE meaningful to me! 2008 Forever!

"Have not you heard of hook up?"
Wait, what the hell just happened? Did William Shakespeare just start using Erina's email address? Like can anyone use it?

"So, f*** off and leave us alone
F*** You."

OK, fine. Jeez! I get it...I'll just delete this email.

I would, however, like to thank you for using f*** as opposed to spelling out the word F-U-C-K.

Shit, cock-sucker, and douche I can handle, but an F-word would have been untoward.

(*I'll continue to post as I clear my SPAM folder)