Unemployed Gameshow Host, Donald Trump's TWEETS

In the case of "Nuh-uh vs. Yuh-huh," seven of unemployed gameshow host, Donald Trump's last ten Tweets have the added demarkation, "This claim about election fraud is disputed."

I'm not sure if these 45 characters count against the 280 limit allowed per Tweet, but I will say, at least we know this portion of the message is spelled right!


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EDITED (after the events of 1/6/2021):  Obviously, everything vile this "man" stands for was bound to eventually boil over into chaos, violence, and exactly what we witnessed on Wednesday 1/6/2021 at the US Capitol Building in the District of Columbia. 

Donald Trump's Twitter was suspended yesterday evening after this sociopath-in-chief couldn't even muster the smallest amount of civility that newborn humans come into the world with. 

Jack Dorsey and his Twitter lackeys waited too long and acted too late in doing anything to curb the abhorrent behavior that led to yesterday's events. And even that was to save face and perhaps help stave off the plummet in stock value. So business as usual.

I yearn for the day when "Donald Trump" is merely a bad memory.
Though I know he and his sycophant's affects will be a nightmare we'll be waking up to for many long years to come.

Be kind to each other. Be brave. Be strong. Better days are surely ahead.

Advice to Donald Trump: "Don't Say A Word"

Where's the button that shuts down the government for a month?

While pleading his case, AKA grasping at straws, for his pointless WA11, current US President (under investigation) Donald J. Trump is getting blasted for repeatedly claiming "women have been discovered covered in duct tape" and "prayer rugs had been found by farmers near the Mexican border."

Of course neither of these tidbits were ascertained through the Intelligence Community, but rather through Trumps personal network of information, Netflix. More specifically while watching the 2015 film, Sicario on Netflix.

Ten bucks says he makes someone "sit" on the couch in front of him while he watches.
One hundred and fifty thousand bucks says he has Michael Cohen pay them not to tell his wife!

OK. I admit it, this is FAKE NEWS. Sicario is not actually on Netflix...which honestly, is some bullshit Netflix! After all, if you're going to raise my monthly charge AGAIN (Stranger Things Season 3 better be worth it!) the least you can do is stream the film that basically shut down the government for over a month!
Perhaps Trump has a Blu-Ray, DVD, digital download, or even a VHS. 
*Writer's Note: I checked after writing this, Sicario was never released on VHS. But maybe Trump taped over something he already had...perhaps a certain "Pee Tape."
(*Editor Note: That was typo that was supposed to read "Pee Wee Herman Tape")
(*Editor's Note Part II: Why didn't I just fix the typo you ask? Because it's not my fucking job to fix Kevin's mistakes!)
(*Editor's Note Part III: Oh! That is an editor's actual job? Who knew?)

Regardless of how he viewed it, people are up in arms over Trump dictating policy based on a movie he watched.

Here's the thing...he's not the first President to do this! I mean come on! Ronald Reagan basically had ALL of The Soviet Union standing in food lines when he damn near bankrupted the nation after a late night screening of Star Wars.
*Look it up, it's not entirely untrue.

He would have loved Jar Jar...as long as Jar Jar didn't have AIDS.

On the 10 year anniversary of 9/11, President Barack Obama was unwinding after a long day and he found a VHS tape left over from the Bush Administration. Ironically, the video was also celebrating a 10 year anniversary that month, Don't Say A Word.

The movie starred Michael Douglas and Brittnay Murphy.

President Obama hated it so much, especially the creepy "I'll never tell..." scene with Murphy in the insane asylum, that Obama swore to bring down the movie.

Less than 2 weeks later, on 9/20/2011, Obama signed The Don't Ask, Don't Tell Repeal Act of 2010 (H.R. 2965, S. 4023)

Also, the VHS tape was recorded over with the final episode of All My Children on 9/23/2011. Most people have since forgotten about this film securing Obama's legacy in perpetuity. 

What a terrible punishment for the Obama girls.

Much to Barbara Bush's chagrin, her moments younger twin sister, Jenna always got to pick the movie night film for the Bush girl's birthday. Though the sisters had a joint Blockbuster account, their tastes in movies varied greatly. Jenna preferred comedies and lighthearted films. While Barbara like much darker, often times boring films. 

Thanksgiving 2003, newly 22 year old Jenna brought a copy of "Dude Where's My Car" to family movie night. 

Hoping to finally be taken seriously, Barbara brought along "Don't Say a Word." Her father President George W. Bush didn't even waste time on "eeny meenying" it. "Dude Where's My Car," went in the VCR, "Don't Say a Word" was discarded to the dustbin of history (along with some crumpled up papers where Dick Chaney was "spitballing" about how to "relieve" Bush of all that work).

What is that I see in the waste basket by the American Flag? Sorry Barbara.

One week later, clearly having "theft" from the fears of "a dude" having their car stolen on his mind, Bush speaks of the Identity Theft Legislation. Legislation which he'd sign into law a short time later (HR 1731). 

"And then..."
And then a whole bunch of war crimes, I guess.

"The truth really IS out there!"

                              - Bill Clinton

President William Jefferson Clinton was a fan of movies. More importantly, he was a fan of an invention his VP Al Gore came up with called The Internet.

After stumbling upon a Gillian Anderson geocities page filled with sexy photos, Clinton was hooked!

However, he needed more, and feared that a computer monopoly might inhibit the free market. Therefore, The United States vs Microsoft Corp. began. Ushering in a new age of the world wide web which includes such things as Pornhub.com. A place to find poorly doctored photographs...also Blogger.com.

And George HW Bush...did things too (more war crimes, maybe)?

Why did they watch TV like this when there were only 3 channels? They knew they didn't need a different TV to watch each channel, right?

The point is...

...Fuck. I forget what my point was.
*(Editor's Note: Ya got me...)

I guess the point is, maybe listen to your Intelligence Agencies as opposed to whipping people into a frenzy over information that is inaccurate, AKA completely fictional.

When in doubt, just don't say a word...but don't WATCH "Don't Say a Word!"

PresiDIDN'Ts

As I write this, the government has been shut down for 17 days, 6 hours, 49 minutes, and 11 seconds. So almost 15 days longer than Britney Spears marriage to Jason Alexander...

Not THAT Jason Alexander!

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On Friday January 4th, Donald Trump addressed the flowers in the Rose Garden. Luckily, some reporters were on hand to document his crazed ramblings, including the following in regards to his mythical wall:

This is national security we’re talking about. We’re not talking about games. We’re talking about national security. This should have been done by all of the Presidents that preceded me. And they all know it. Some of them have told me that we should have done it.

So a few quick things.

First of all, before you think I have misquoted him in anyway. THIS excerpt was taken directly from the White House's own website.

Second, let's not speak so confidentially about there NOT being a "National Security" game. After all, there are a few.

There's Homeland, the board game. For when you have absolutely nothing else in your life.

There's the Homeland Defense: National Security Patrol video games for teens who have yet to discover that there's porn to be found on the computer.

And finally there's the original National Security game, Risk. A game about global domination appropriate for ages 10-Despot.

Third and lastly, the reason I brought you all here, is to discuss the last line in the quote above, in which Mr, Trump says, "Some of them have told me that we should have done it." Referring to the fact that some of "the Presidents that preceded me," have told Trump that their administration should have built a wall.

Here's the issue: When you refer to abstract things IN the abstract, they are pretty hard to fact check "We need a wall, believe me!" But when you refer to concrete things (get it, walls are made of concrete) in the abstract, they are rather easily researchable.

Presidents Carter, W. Bush, Clinton, and Obama have all commented, through spokespeople, that they NEVER discussed the wall with the current President.

President HW Bush couldn't be reached for comment, because he's dead.
Though those close to him revealed that in his failing health during the Trump Presidency ("failing health" and "Trump Presidency" are synonyms.),  HW and Trump never had any substantive conversations.

A few of the former Presidents, including Carter, have also included their opinions regarding the wall in the exact opposite of Trump's claim.

Which leads me to the following...does this man, who cares very little of history or facts at all, think that most people were once the President?

Or, and this is where I'm leaning, did he in fact talk to a man who used to be president, and also a client, Sy Sperling?

I mean...we KNOW they've had at least ONE conversation before. Perhaps in that conversation more than one thing "came to a head."

💘"I'm Wild and Looking To Hookup Tonight"💖💋💘💘

"I'm Wild and looking to Hookup Tonight"

While continuing to clear my "SPAM" folder (now with quotes as to put emphasis on the fact that a "SPAM" folder is not completely filled with SPAM), I came across not one, not two, but THREE emails from Jessica.

How I picture Jessica typing to me.
(As well as all of you who comment)

In Jessica's first email she simply states the following (and previously mention) in her email subject line:

"I'm Wild and looking to Hookup Tonight"
(NOTE: pink coloring added by Editor)

OK... a few things:

1. Is "hookup" one word? 
2. It's odd that the words "Wild," "Hookup," and "Tonight" all begin with capital letters, however "looking" can go right ahead and fuck itself!
3. Based on the random capitalization, perhaps the lack of putting emphasis on the work "looking" implies Jessica is in fact blind and asking for help "hookingup" (still one word?) something. Oh, maybe they got the new X-finity voice command remote control. Personally, I love it.
4. WAIT! Where else do we see "rando-caps?" Yep, ransom notes! Maybe Jessica is being held captive against her will! (NOTE: abbreviating "random" to "Rando" saves absolutely NO time and just ends up looking like a typo. Signed your friendly Edito) <--- Actual Typo

The body of the email goes on to say:

"To UNSUBSCRIBE please Click Here"

OR 

Reply to this mail

(NOTE: font and color exactly as presented in email. Hey, it's me the Editor again)

I gotta say, pretty limiting on the options here. 

• I can't actual confirm I'm interested in said "hookup."
• I can't confirm an arrival time to make sure it's not an inconvenient time for "hookingup."
• In fact, I can't even find out where this "hookup" is to take place.
  
  All I can do is unsubscribe by clicking the link or mailing a personlized letter (to an address I have not been provided).

Oh well. Sorry Jessica. Best of luck with your X-finity voice command remote.

******************************

But wait...there's another email from Jessica:

"Do not message me - Move On I WILL REPORT YOU..!!"

Wait, WHAT?!?

This hardly seems fair! Is it because I was a bit slow in my response regarding the "hookup?" I'm sorry. It was in my SPAM...er, my "SPAM" folder!

Also, these two emails were a mere 2 days apart. I mean, if you're asking me for a favor, you have to allow me a bit of control on the time table, right?

The email continues:

"Please stop emailing me your photos. I am engaged now.

We broke up a long time ago. MOVE ON!
You piece of shit, cock-sucker douche
F***k You..!!"

What photos? And you're engaged since two days ago when you wanted to "hookup?" WTF, Jessica?

"We broke up a long time ago."

So long, I don't even remember you. That's what happens to the mind as we get older I suppose.

"You piece of shit, cock-sucker douche
F***k You..!!"

Hold on a second, haven't I heard this some where before? Wait, is this Riley?!? Or Erina? Let me check that email address...

FvVOlegQ@vbwhfdyj.yd via onlinedrugclass.com

Huh, I don't remember taking an online drug class...Well, my apologies on the missed opportunity for "hookingup." Hope everything works out well with the remote. Also, congrats on the engagement.

******************************
But finally, one last email from Jessica:

"Hey You! I am so lucky to find you."

So we're cool? I'll admit, I was worried there for a minute, but I guess we can remain friends.

How are you doing today?

I'm good. A little tired to be honest.

My name is Jessica. I am 22 years old . 

Oh. Okay. I knew you're name was Jessica because you wrote it in all your emails. I'll be honest, I didn't know that you were 22. I'm not being ageist or anything, but shouldn't a 22 year old be pretty equipped to set up her own remote control? Oh wait, are you blind? Was I right the first time?

I got your email from one of the mutual friends in facebook. 

Oh, I'm not sure I like people just giving out my email in such a rando fashion...random, I mean random.

I think you're cute and very brutal,

Well, that's nice...I think. What do you mean "brutal?" Are you referring to some of my posts "in facebook?" I know, I can get carried away. I just am not a fan of Donald Trump and feel like his policies do more to drive this country apart than pull it together. I guess I could clean up my language a bit...but hey, I'm glad you like it.

I like that kind of guys.

Oh...cool. I'm into grammar, but hey, whatever I guess.

I just looking to know you more, maybe start with whatsApp ?
Please don't let me without answer.

Oh. My. God. Elon Musk is right! You're a robot! A robot is trying to fuck me!!! Johnny-Five alive!!!!

Wait, why the fuck doesn't a robot know how to hook up their X-finity?

mis·di·rec·tion/misdəˈrekSHən/

Donald Trump: Oh man! The walls are closing in around me. This Russian thing won't go away. Soon they'll know the truth and then I'm done! What can I do to throw the public off the scent?

(TWEETS)

Donald Trump: My work is done here.

Mounting Evidence that Donald Trump is Biff Tannen

There's a rumor that has been going around the internet that Donald Trump is in fact Biff Tannen from the future. The nemesis of Marty McFly from Back to the Future. This isn't a fringe thing, there are a lot of sources:

Like This One
And This One
And This One
And EVEN This One

Google itself will automatically suggested Donald Trump as it's first suggestion if you start to type "Biff Tannen" into the search engine.

Hell, even Bob Gale, BTTF's writer confirmed he used Trump as his "inspiration" for the warped character.

But Biff is a fictitious character, right?

THIS is a Tweet that was sent out by Trump today for Cinco de Mayo. Sure it just seems like typical political pandering by a guy who has promised to build a wall between the US and Mexico.

But take a closer look at the photograph he Tweeted.

Specifically at the book on his desk...

See it?

No?

How about now:

Look familiar?

How about this:

CLICK for more info.

That's right, Grays Sports Almanac!

HOLY SHIT!
Donald Trump IS Biff Tannen! 

And what's worse, he's flaunting it!