Advice to Donald Trump: "Don't Say A Word"

Where's the button that shuts down the government for a month?

While pleading his case, AKA grasping at straws, for his pointless WA11, current US President (under investigation) Donald J. Trump is getting blasted for repeatedly claiming "women have been discovered covered in duct tape" and "prayer rugs had been found by farmers near the Mexican border."

Of course neither of these tidbits were ascertained through the Intelligence Community, but rather through Trumps personal network of information, Netflix. More specifically while watching the 2015 film, Sicario on Netflix.

Ten bucks says he makes someone "sit" on the couch in front of him while he watches.
One hundred and fifty thousand bucks says he has Michael Cohen pay them not to tell his wife!

OK. I admit it, this is FAKE NEWS. Sicario is not actually on Netflix...which honestly, is some bullshit Netflix! After all, if you're going to raise my monthly charge AGAIN (Stranger Things Season 3 better be worth it!) the least you can do is stream the film that basically shut down the government for over a month!
Perhaps Trump has a Blu-Ray, DVD, digital download, or even a VHS. 
*Writer's Note: I checked after writing this, Sicario was never released on VHS. But maybe Trump taped over something he already had...perhaps a certain "Pee Tape."
(*Editor Note: That was typo that was supposed to read "Pee Wee Herman Tape")
(*Editor's Note Part II: Why didn't I just fix the typo you ask? Because it's not my fucking job to fix Kevin's mistakes!)
(*Editor's Note Part III: Oh! That is an editor's actual job? Who knew?)

Regardless of how he viewed it, people are up in arms over Trump dictating policy based on a movie he watched.

Here's the thing...he's not the first President to do this! I mean come on! Ronald Reagan basically had ALL of The Soviet Union standing in food lines when he damn near bankrupted the nation after a late night screening of Star Wars.
*Look it up, it's not entirely untrue.

He would have loved Jar Jar...as long as Jar Jar didn't have AIDS.

On the 10 year anniversary of 9/11, President Barack Obama was unwinding after a long day and he found a VHS tape left over from the Bush Administration. Ironically, the video was also celebrating a 10 year anniversary that month, Don't Say A Word.

The movie starred Michael Douglas and Brittnay Murphy.

President Obama hated it so much, especially the creepy "I'll never tell..." scene with Murphy in the insane asylum, that Obama swore to bring down the movie.

Less than 2 weeks later, on 9/20/2011, Obama signed The Don't Ask, Don't Tell Repeal Act of 2010 (H.R. 2965, S. 4023)

Also, the VHS tape was recorded over with the final episode of All My Children on 9/23/2011. Most people have since forgotten about this film securing Obama's legacy in perpetuity. 

What a terrible punishment for the Obama girls.

Much to Barbara Bush's chagrin, her moments younger twin sister, Jenna always got to pick the movie night film for the Bush girl's birthday. Though the sisters had a joint Blockbuster account, their tastes in movies varied greatly. Jenna preferred comedies and lighthearted films. While Barbara like much darker, often times boring films. 

Thanksgiving 2003, newly 22 year old Jenna brought a copy of "Dude Where's My Car" to family movie night. 

Hoping to finally be taken seriously, Barbara brought along "Don't Say a Word." Her father President George W. Bush didn't even waste time on "eeny meenying" it. "Dude Where's My Car," went in the VCR, "Don't Say a Word" was discarded to the dustbin of history (along with some crumpled up papers where Dick Chaney was "spitballing" about how to "relieve" Bush of all that work).

What is that I see in the waste basket by the American Flag? Sorry Barbara.

One week later, clearly having "theft" from the fears of "a dude" having their car stolen on his mind, Bush speaks of the Identity Theft Legislation. Legislation which he'd sign into law a short time later (HR 1731). 

"And then..."
And then a whole bunch of war crimes, I guess.

"The truth really IS out there!"

                              - Bill Clinton

President William Jefferson Clinton was a fan of movies. More importantly, he was a fan of an invention his VP Al Gore came up with called The Internet.

After stumbling upon a Gillian Anderson geocities page filled with sexy photos, Clinton was hooked!

However, he needed more, and feared that a computer monopoly might inhibit the free market. Therefore, The United States vs Microsoft Corp. began. Ushering in a new age of the world wide web which includes such things as Pornhub.com. A place to find poorly doctored photographs...also Blogger.com.

And George HW Bush...did things too (more war crimes, maybe)?

Why did they watch TV like this when there were only 3 channels? They knew they didn't need a different TV to watch each channel, right?

The point is...

...Fuck. I forget what my point was.
*(Editor's Note: Ya got me...)

I guess the point is, maybe listen to your Intelligence Agencies as opposed to whipping people into a frenzy over information that is inaccurate, AKA completely fictional.

When in doubt, just don't say a word...but don't WATCH "Don't Say a Word!"