Blue Jeans (Cover Your Asshole)

I just met a girl named Blue Jean...I didn't. But it popped in my head when I wrote this, so now hopefully it's popped into yours.

I wear blue jeans, almost everyday. I own other pants. Dress pants. Khakis. Cargo pants. Sweat pants. Pajama bottoms. The list goes on...or actually ends just about there. But I rarely wear anything other than blue jeans. Probably because they're easy. Also, they hide dirt well. So you can get away with wearing the same pair for like four days in a row. If I can go four days without having to make a decision, that is a huge win for this indecisive asshole.

Speaking of assholes, in the end (literally) that's all pants are: a covering for your asshole.
Sure they cover your dick, lady parts, or what ever you have, but with few exceptions, we all have assholes. (<--- !!! Seriously, go back and CLICK that link and read about the man who lived 55 years without an anus! SCIENCE!)

You may be thinking, "Hey, I like seeing assholes....on a date...or in a club...or sunbathing in the park..." Okay fine. But I'm talking about in regular places throughout the day, like grocery shopping, or at the mechanic, or in the waiting room of the doctors office...and WHAT park are you hanging out at?!?

Personally, I just like having a reliable pair of pants that are pretty universal for most occasions. As long as they're not covered in mud, jeans are accepted most places you'll go today.

What I HATE, is buying jeans. In fact next to a car and a bed, they are probably the thing I like buying least! Don't get me wrong, I LOVE owning them, but loath the process of actually buying them.

Recently, I blew the knee out of two separate pairs of jeans (same knee...maybe my left knee is extremely sharp or something), forcing me to replace them. I went to Old Navy, as they have had pretty affordable jeans in the past. They were running a sale, but truthfully, it was still more than I wanted to spend. In the end I bought two pairs, but it got me thinking how expensive jeans can be.

I recall a story in which a friend of mine was in a band, and his drummer who would brag about a pair of $600 jeans he had purchased. This is astounding to me. If I spent $600 on jeans, I'd assume it included at least 13 pairs as well as a new dresser in which to hold them! But a single pair? WHY?!?

This dresser is available at Raymour & Flanigan for under $190.00

Obviously, this Old Navy shopper realizes different people want different things, have different styles, and different budgets. But why on earth would anyone spend $600 to cover their asshole?

I Googled "the world's most expensive jeans," and found some real treasures (that I could never afford):

3x1 is a company that start in 2011. Their "made to order" jeans start around $1200. While I admit, made to order is going to come with a slightly higher expense, the idea that they are 30 times more expensive than my most recent jeans purchase is insane. Even if it was "maid to order" in which a maid comes to your house and cleans it from top to bottom while your jeans are being made, I'd still think it's about $800 too expensive.

Note even THEY are wearing denim!

Michael Kors, one of the few names I recognize because of my wife's love of Project Runway, has a pair of Tie-Dye Leather Bell-Bottom Pants that sold for $2000! I swear to God, the three things I hate most in pants listed in no particular order are tie-dye, leather, and bell-bottom. Christ, even Yandy wouldn't have something this gaudy! Michael Kor jeans vary from $1200-$1700. Jesus.

I stand corrected. Yandy! Say it ain't so!

Alexander McQueen jeans go for between $1000 and $2000. I found THIS PAIR of "Steve McQueen" jeans on Ebay for under $30.00.

The man could rock the denim!

Gucci released something called their "Genius Jeans" in 1998. At the time, they were the most expensive jeans in the world with the hefty price tag of $3134!!! They are a distressed pair of jeans (read: washed a shit-ton), that are ripped (read: blown out left knee) adorned with African beads (read: covered with shit from Michael's).

For the record, when Steve McQueen's 1968 Ford Mustang 390 GT 2+2 Fastback came off the assembly line, it cost $2712. Meaning you could have McQueen's car, and "his" jeans we previously talked about, and still have almost $400 left over to buy 2 dressers...

Hell yeah!

Finally, this fucking pair of jeans!

Secret Circus' $1.3 millions dollar pair of jeans based on the 15 diamonds encrusted on the back pocket. Look lady, I was already looking at your butt, you didn't need to have the GDP of Thailand on there!

Seriously, you spend this much on jeans we may not see your asshole, but we'll surely see you are an asshole!