(APee) March 20, 2011 - Members of the Primary Engineering National Institute Society announced this week, that their researchers have made an enormous scientific break through. They believe this breakthrough will not only have repercussions through the entire scientific community, but also throughout the political world during this election year.
Charles Redwin, the head of P.E.N.I.S. revealed to fellow researchers at a National Conference in Boise, Idaho on Tuesday, that P.E.N.I.S. staff have successful identified and isolated a gene found in some humans, mostly males, known as the Abbas Abusio gene. Scientists have long time believed that this gene is the driving force behind:
*“older men’s lust for young children.”
The isolation confirmed this belief, but also yielded another discovery. Possessors of the Abbas Abusio gene are also for the elimination of female rights, specifically outlawing abortion. In fact, 12 out of the 23 people in attendance for Redwin’s findings are possessors of this gene including Redwin himself. The other 11 people are ashamed to call themselves Scientists today.
When asked for a comment, Dr. Lester Moore said, “It makes sense that these people, who are among the shittiest parents in the world, would want to make sure every fetus comes to be a potential victim of theirs.” Dr. Moore does not have the Abbas Abusio gene. “I can’t believe this is the world we live in,” Dr. Moore said as he left the room shaking his head.
Redwin himself was unavailable for comment. His office told APee he had a prior engagement of “ridding the world of pornography,” but he was later spotted at a Chucky Cheese with his hand down his pants.
*As reported in Vol. 69 of the New England Journal of Madeupsin