Thursday, March 1, 2012

A Blog Entry For The Ladies

If you’re a woman and you’re reading some magazine or website on how to “snare a guy,” my advice, thaw out your ice box...

Yahoo has an article on its home page right now that alleges it will “help women get men.”  Has a dude broken the code and revealed our secrets?  It is written by Catherine Devine from Allure Magazine.  Catherine is a strange name for a fella isn’t it?  Or is this a presumptuous female attempting to crack the code of the male psyche?  Allow us to hold hands and find out together, shall we…

First, the teaser to the article:
“Wearing too much of this will make him gag…”
The answers ladies, is clothing.

Other “no no’s” include:

-Fragrance Overload.  I disagree, as a matter of fact 90% of men can’t smell anything at all.  That’s why we giggle when someone farts.  We know it won’t offend our noses.

-Caked-on Foundation.  Also not true.  Men love cake!  Especially ice cream cake like Cookie Puss.  OK, maybe it’s more the name, after all Fudgie the Whale doesn’t quite do it for us.

-Overdone Eyelashes.  Wrong again!  We love this look.  Men have NO problem if women are into “faking it.”  Unless it comes to Cookie Puss.  We don’t want no knock off “Custard Mugg.”  Buy the fucking Carvel cake already!

-Dry Skin.  Does this even need to be on the list?  No one likes dry skin.  We don’t like getting punch in the balls either, but I don’t see the need for it being on this list.  Use some freaking cream and moisturize.  Speaking of cream…check out this delicious photo of Cookie Puss:

-A Sloppy Shave.  This list is shitty.  Like who doesn’t know that?  And what exactly are we shaving here?  The Legs?  Under the lip?  Around the Cookie Puss (YES!  I worked it in!)
*Please note this Cookie Puss is "in the box"...its a vagina joke.

-Yellow Tinged Teeth.  This Cookie Puss has yellow teeth.

-Sticky Lip Gloss.  Wet naps maybe needed (not necessarily for her).

-Stiff Hair.  You know what, just get soft serve to avoid this mess.

-Smoky-Eye Overload.  Is that gonna blur your vision?  Because you don’t wanna miss out on a good deal being advertised!

*If you didn’t think the “Fragrance Overload” had a Cookie Puss reference, ask my wife...I’m lactose intolerant.  (insert fart sound here)…


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