End of the Year Review (January)

What did you do with your 2011?

There were parties, weddings, film shoots, weddings, Hurricanes, weddings, a tit load (which sounds much nicer than “Shit load”) of Improv and of course weddings!!!

Because my memory is complete balls any more, I utilized a Journal all year to help me remember what the hell I did over the course of 12 months.  Here are some highlights…with photos!

JANUARY:

-The Traditional New Year’s Eve Party at Kerry’s house…most of this is a blur, and of course…I didn’t start keeping my journal until “2011 proper.”  I assume some timely Dick Clark jokes were told.

1/1-I spent a slightly hung over New Year’s Day on Andrew and Suzanne’s back porch.  Sure most people were inside, but Joe knows why I stayed outside, on the cold porch, for most of the party…I must have eaten a lot of Chili at Kerry’s the night before.  

Later that night Julie, Joe Kerry & I see our first movie of the New Year.

The Fighter

Hear Joel, Bob, James & I on "You've Got Geek" review of this & the "2010 Year in Review" here:

You've Got Geek (episode 79)

1/6-First production meeting of The Cheap Seats at Champps. I seem to hang out there a lot.

Anthony, Joe, Joel, Julie & myself.

We made Anthony pay, but he took it out of the budget of the show...which means with Pookie eating we were just about at Titanic's budget.

But seriously folks, we tried to recruit the waiter as a Production Assistant.  It didn’t work out.  

Speaking of “not working out,” Pookie had plenty to eat!

It's possible this is not an ACTUAL picture of Pookie...

1/7-Mexican Post for Kerry’s Birthday (2^nd time Julie & I were there this week)

NO PHOTO

(No one showed up)

1/8-Kerryoke 5!!! 

@ The Manocchio’s!  

It was a packed house with Guitar Hero on the first floor and traditional (if you can call it that) karaoke on the basement floor.

We even made it through a late day snow fall...which I shoveled out of Steve’s drive way.

Here's a nice tidbit.  I forgot to buy ice.  I was at Wawa and bought a ton of other stuff, but forgot to buy ice.

"But Kevin, there are 2 bags of ice in that photo," you say.
Yes.  That's because I forgot to BUY ice.

Stolen ice is the COOLEST!

Kerryoke Slideshow of all 5 years

1/10-I washed my iPod.  Oopsies.  "The Day the Music Died."

You can read all about it in a previous blog here:

"Will My Nano's Name Be On Quilt?"

(Editor's note:  Steve Jobs was alive when I wrote this) 

1/13-Bosco and I saw the Andrew Mitchell directed “Zoo Story” at Chapel Street Players starring Brian (Amarillo) Turner.

We also saw a girl giving a guy a blowjob in the parking lot behind Grotto’s Pizza (true).

Probably not this girl.

I don't believe that was on the menu, Bosco asked...a lot!

Anthony & I saw Green Hornet at midnight (my first midnight screening of 2011)

I also learned that Bosco can't watch movies in 3D as it hurts his head.  

I hear there’s a girl at Grotto’s that can take care of that!

1/15-The Cheap Seats read through...

Anthony Bosco...6-Pack

Kerry Kristine McElrone...Vivian

Dana Michael...Rhonda

Jason Stockdale...Gunner

Joe Pukatsch...The Mascot

Julie Snow Regan...the greatest wardrobe mistress EVER!!!

Later that evening...The Regan Christmas happened at Brian & Vicki's a wee bit late this year.

1/21-like a terrible husband, I ditched Julie’s Holiday Office party to Film JT3 & Hot Breakfast (HOT BREAKFAST!) at Candlelight theater.

Hot Breakfast doing "Jesus Christ Superstar....Abridged."

1/24-Another read through for The Cheap Seats (I'm like a task master), without Dana (to everyone but Dana).  

I have no idea why these guys dressed like this.  Apparently neither does Kerry.

Before we began the read through, Jason & I watched the Dukes of Hazzard episode "Little Cousin."  It's the one with the little alien.  Perhaps the worst episode ever (which is saying something)

  It’s still on my DVR because I can’t bring myself to delete it.

1/26-we got hit with another awful snow storm.  I still made it into work, but the road were CRAP!  

Julie spent the night making tee shirts for The Cheap Seats in our dank, cold, basement while listening to Jill Sobule.

1/27-16 more inches of snow (what the fuck!).  

Julie & I both called out of work, meaning I sat on the couch watching DVDs of The West Wing while Julie worked from home.  

I still braved the shit weather that night to see Jason in New Brain at Plays & Players.  I got to hang out at the legendary Quig's Pub where I met Rob Cutler & Mary Carpenter.

1/28-The eve of filming, I met Pookie & Bosco to de snowed & de iced football stadium for filming the next day.  Pookie had almost EVERYTHING done by the time I got there.

This is a bit misleading, it was PITCH dark when we did it.  This is the next day.  That hair dryer is hooked up to a generator.

Anthony used a snow remover to cut a path from his backyard to the actual stadium.  I hope they don’t follow it to find out who did it.

FUCKING COLD!!!!!!!!

1/29-we filmed the AWAY games of The Cheap Seats.  It was beyond FREEZING.  The crew never wanted to go inside for fear of not wanting to come back out.  This seemed to strike some of the actors particularly hard! 

I had the greatest cast & crew anyone could ever hope for...and they worked in these elements for NO PAY! 

1/30-Watched Commitments at Jill’s (projected on the wall) & went to Gordon’s with Andrew for Pay-Per-View.

This photo wasn't from this night, I just wanted to work it in.

1/31-Joe & Kerry came for dinner to start discussing The Joels.

 

Other Highlights:

-Improv classes on Sundays

-Movies:  The Fighter, The King’s Speech & Green Hornet

-Julie started watching Mad Men 

Up next...February

The ROOT of all EVIL

The ROOT of all EVIL

Last night I rooted for the Yankees to lose.  They did.  I gloated.  Julie warned me that that’s bad hoodoo.  I could upset the baseball gods.  But I’m an Agnostic, so is that really an issue?  It is when your team is facing elimination.

Tonight the Phillies host the Cardinals for the last time in 2011.  No matter what happens, these 2 teams are done playing each other until 2012 (the year the world ends – so I guess the Cubs will win it all next year).  I have already been told by a coworker, that if the Phillies lose tonight it’s my fault.  “You were too cocky” is his reasoning.  Not “Our 161 million dollar pay roll team forgot how to hit a baseball” but “You were too cocky.”  And honestly, I wasn’t.  I have been cocky in the past.  But this year, all I said was, “I’m not worried.”  Is that cocky?  Don’t get me wrong during the game, I am on the edge of my seat.  I scream at umpires (and cats when they attempt to climb the TV – they love squirrels, who knew?).  I die with the lows and am reborn with the highs.  But in the end I’m not worried. 

But when the Yankees got eliminated (on an A-Rod strike out nonetheless) I had a sinking feeling.  Not that I was worried, but that if we beat the Cardinals and then go on to beat the winner of the Brewers/Diamondbacks series, and finally play the Rangers or Tigers (Rangers) on the World stage, will it mean the same?  We had unfinished business with the Bronx Bombers that will remain unfinished no matter what happens tonight.  That’s kind of a bummer.  Don’t get me wrong. The World Series is the World Series.  Hell, we beat the Royals and the Rays in our franchise history (Rangers would keep the alliteration alive).  But to beat the Yankees would have been glorious!

Hold the phone bubba!  You gotta get there first!  This I’m aware of.  I know it could all come crashing down tonight.  But I’m not worried.  I had a great time this year.  Even struggling to get tickets as the ball park seems to be busting at its seams with capacity every game.  Where were all of these “fans” when Travis Lee was playing first base?  If our season ends tonight, there will undoubtedly be throngs of people labeling this team a FAILURE.  “This shouldn’t happen with this pay role and these pitchers.”  Tell that to The Red Sox Nation.  But I’m not worried.

I have built in a contingency plan:

I have a very good friend, Gordon Wood Holmes III (that’s right, there are 2 others!) who is a huge Cardinals fan.  Right now, our friendship has a mandatory BLACKOUT.  We haven’t talked since this series began, nor will we until sometime tomorrow.  I have no problem calling him to congratulate him if that comes to pass.  If the unthinkable should happen and St Louis should win this series tonight, I will also have no problem rooting for that squirrely team the rest of the way.  But I have been reading Games Of Thrones.  If the Cardinals win and Gordon gloats, I’ll ruin the whole fucking series he holds so dearly. 

I’m not worried.  But the Starks should be.

Go Phillies!

The Treats from Dunkin Donuts

The Treats from Dunkin Donuts

So I am in line at Dunkin Donuts…you know, getting “health food.”  There is this woman’s voice to my right.  I am forced to turn and look at The Source because it sounded half cartoon/half “Real Housewives of Some Random Bumkinfuck town.”  She is, of course, deck out in a velour jogging outfit which she must have just bought recently since neither it, nor her “shape” looked well exercised in.

I order an everything bagel.  And why not?  When given a choice between everything and nothing, who wouldn’t take everything?  I then wait…patiently.  As I wait The Source is given what I assume is an ice coffee. 

“No.  Too much milk.  That looks like a glass of milk.”  She demands through her enormously oversized sunglasses.

It didn’t look like milk by the way.  Unless this “milk” is from the lake in Willy Wonka’s world where the Oompa Loompa’s defecate (it’s not, I asked).

The woman working behind the counter, kindly removes the drink and leaves to fix the situation.  Just then another employee says “Everything Bagel.”  The Source’s friend, we’ll call her Mary, takes the bag.  I realize, since I ordered first, that is probably my bagel.  But no big deal.  I’ll get hers.  See, patience. 

“It’s too big,” blurts out Mary (I assume she was referring to the bagel and not The Source’s velour covered bottom).

“Make the cut it in half.”  The Source recommends rather forcefully.

Really?  “Make them.”  Why not, “Kindly ask if one of these fine people would mind cutting the bagel, you stole from the guy next to us, in half so your big fucking mouth but rarely cared for teeth can better handle the girth.”  OK, she didn’t have to say “girth.”

Mary thrusts the bag back towards another person behind the counter without saying a word.  There are always SO many people working at a Dunkin Donuts at a given moment.  Why is that?  Luckily this person either overheard everything happening, or SOP at DD is to cut something in half when handed back to you in a rude manner.

As the DD employee starts to perform surgery on the bagel, I am handed my “uncut” bagel, which reminds me Yom Kipper begins Friday at sundown folks!

I thank the employee and turn to leave when the first woman comes back with the correctly made ice coffee.

“Did you just dump it out and use the same cup?  No!  I want a new cup.”  The Source turns to toothless Mary and says, “Huh, some people, right?”

“Yep they can be real cunts!”  I say to them as I leave.

Patience.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/mjs538/frightening-hurricane-irene-destruction-photos

25 Frightening(ly positive) Photos Of Hurricane Irene’s Destruction

I'm not sure why Buzzfeed has labeled these photos as "Frightening."  I have amended them to make them slightly more positive (unless...you know, they happened to you):

It's like living on WIlly Wonka's block.  Minus the creepy orange midgets doing all the landscaping (no not Mexicans).

Hey-O!  Guess who now has beach front property.

This is East Lake Road in Woodstown, New Jersey.  Oh wait, this was before the hurricane.

Like you didn't already hold your breath at the train station.

Its not THAT deep.  You can even put the top down & go fishing.

Time to Dukes of Hazard the shit out of this place!

Sure it's down, but think of the money all of that Unobtanium will get you.

Photo op.

You finally get to put that sweet ponco to work (no not Mexicans).

The guy that lives here always gave out the shittiest Halloween candy.  Clark Bars?  Really?

Now when grandma dies, it wouldn't tear the family apart fighting over the inheritance.  

That pier wasn't to code anyway.  And, more jobs.  Thanks Obama!

This will teach kids not to text while driving.  Stay Alert.  Stay Awake.  Stay Afloat.

Surely this will decrease the number of bear attacks.

Bonding time with your...wait for it..."step" father*.

The kidnap victim in the back of the van should be fine, he just completed level 2 of swimming at the Y.

There's NOTHING positive about cones.

What kid hasn't wished for this while blowing out his birthday candles?  Hopefully that asshole Billy Simmons from down the street is on it (twofer!)

A real reason not to go to Church.

Fire Prevention Safety

We all agree she's holding pills right?

Real life Q-Bert.

The last mini van has been destroyed.

An answer to the age old question, "Why did Natalie Wood Cross the road."  The answer:  She didn't.

HELL YEAH, it looks like the second Death Star!!!

*I apologize for the "step" father pun.

TIKI PARTY - CANCELED

Saturday August 27th!  That is the last day of principle photography on the Clink season 2.  It is also the start of Julie & my vacation.  It is also the day we were planning on having a HUGH Tiki/Wrap Party at our house.  Oh, and it's also the day that Hurricane Irene decided to bring her twaty attitude to town.

So we are still filming.

We are still vacationing.

The Tiki Party has been canceled.

Irene is still a twat!

I didn't want to cancel the party.  Inside...outside, what's the difference?  (FYI, there's a huge difference when it comes to AIDS test results).  The reason I canceled wasn't because of the impending Hurricane.  But rather because we will most definitely lose power.

Candles (Gordon) & Batteries (Kerry...I have know idea what that could refer to).  The problem isn't the lighting.  I could party in the dark!  Great opportunities to cop a feel (inside or outside).  But instead, it's because we have "well water."

When we lose power, we lose water.  I was in the shower once when the power went out.  I had shampoo in what little hair I have left.  I went to the fridge hoping we had bottles of water.  We didn't.  But luckily the bathroom has a basin filled with water!  Yup.  I really did.

When you have no water, it means each toilet has "1 good flush."  AKA, 1 flush at all!  How could I have a party and enact the "yellow let it mellow/brown...well we only get one flush so just leave it" policy?  I can't!  Sure some of us could pee in the bushes or on Bosco's car in my driveway (Bosco).  But where are the ladies to pee?  I'm seriously looking for suggestions on that one sickos!

So that said, I am not fearful of the storm.  Quite the opposite.  I'd encourage friends to come over and drink and hang out.  But you might want to bring some Lenni Hurricane items.  Such as the previously mentioned candles & batteries.  Also, you might want to bring a bucket, but fuck inside or outside.  That thing ain't coming in my house you twat!

Film Journal

I wish I kept a filmmaking journal.

I have read journals kept by Robert Rodriguez, Alfred Hitchcock, Orson Welles.  They are always exciting and often times shed new light on a film for me.

My film journal would ready something like this:

Lots of farts on the set of The League today.  We need more females in the cast.  Then we’d be less likely to pollute the atmosphere in Jim’s apartment.  Note to self:  never go back to Jim’s apartment.

or

Yea!  Gordon didn’t die going through the table in the wrestling episode.  I have to admit, when he was air born, I figured 50/50 on survival.

or

Lots of farts on the set of The Clink today.  We need more females in the cast.  Then we’d be less likely to pollute the atmosphere of Andrew’s office.  Note to self:  never go back to Andrew’s office.

or

That’s a lot of fake blood we’re putting on these vinyl floor tiles.  I wonder if they’ll stain.

or

Lots of males & females on the set of The Cheap Seats today.  I think I shit myself.

and of course…

FUCK IT’S COLD!!!

OK, maybe I shouldn’t keep a film journal.

Based in Reality (from 8/5/2007)

Since I no longer write NEW blog entries (I'm very lazy), here's one from this day 4 years ago...

Sunday, August 5, 2007

Based in Reality...

I’m at Philly International on Sunday picking up my goodest buddy Gordon, after his trek to nerd Mecca…San Diego’s “I am 40 and still live in my parent’s basement” Convention.

I get to the airport a few minutes after his plane is scheduled to land. I brought a book with me (The Adventures of Cavalier and Clay), because the airport runs about as smoothly as the DMV (No offensive Michelle if you read this*). I crack open my book and wait.

*editor's note - (that's me by the way, I'm editing my shit)  I don't think Mrs. Harris (used to be Ms. DeFeo) is affliated with the DMV anymore.  Wait was it her mom that worked there?  Oh, who can remember.  Back to this riveting story
After about 10 minutes I check the board. The flight isn’t even listed…Hmmm, was I supposed to pick GoHo up today? I check my phone and get a text message at that very moment. “We just landed.” I assume that Gordon means the plane just landed, or else he has some serious stories from San Diego (The Whales Vagina-just for you Tara).

I sit back down and continue to read. When a girl walks by me, holding an 8x10 glossy photo of Scarlett Johansson. “Odd,” I think and continue to read.

I get another Text Message, this time Gordon seems to be fuming (I can tell, even through text). Apparently the plane has landed but there’s this whole “to do.” “No biggie,” I text back. I keep reading. The girl with the 8x10 jumps on the escalator. Is it possible that Ms. Johansson is in Philly? Nah…but, I follow the girl up the escalator. Sure it seems like I'm stalking her, but I defend it by claiming to be stalking Scarlett Jo instead.

The airport is empty. Like the scene in Terminal, when the airport is empty. Did you see it? It was a beauty.

So I walk towards where the girl with the 8x10 is standing and I take a seat. This side of the airport looks like it should have a “closed” sign up. There is a guy with one of those big buffing machines cleaning the floors. He has on headphones and a janitor’s jump suit. It makes me think of an 80’s film. Not one in particular, but just any old 80’s movie.

So I attempt to read again, but a smattering of teenage girls start to appear holding 8x10 glossies. What the hell is going on? I decide that whatever hellaciousness is about occur, I want no part of it. I wasn’t the only one as an enormous black man in a suit walks past the girls escorted by a young woman in sunglasses and a fisherman’s cap. Just then I get another text message, “Heading to Baggage Claim D.” I start to gather my belonging’s which, as I already pointed out, was the book I had in my hands.  And leave the gawking girls behind.

I turn the same corner that the couple I had just seen disappeared behind. Once I do, I noticed that Ms Paul (remember the hat?) was now solo. Her companion must have stopped off to use the "facilities." As I near her she sticks her hand into her purse. I imagine it's to pull out some lip stick or some fishing bait. As she does this the whole contents of her purse empty on the floor.

This happens to all of us. A person drops something and we have that secondary pause of, “Should I help them.” It’s not a mean thing, but we're all in a rush. For a split second I was going to keep going…but then my upbringing kicks in. I stop and bend down to help.

“Thank you so much. God I’m a klutz." A voice I vaguely recognize says.
“Nah, it happens to everyone. I can’t tell you how many times I wear khaki pants and spill water on them making look like I peed,” is all I can come up with.
“Yeah, that’s not really the same thing,” she laughs.

We have a nice conversation, about what I don't remember.  I look past the sunglasses (at 12:00 at night) and past the fisherman’s cap and realize who it is I’m looking at.

“He’s your bodyguard isn’t he?” I ask, proving I’d unraveled the mystery.
“Yeah. He had to pee. Good thing he’s not wearing Khakis.” She says in a *weirdly seductive way.
*editor's note - (me again) how does one say that line in a weirdly seductive way?  I was there & even I don't know what it means.

I realize we’re bonding over another man’s pants, or lack of them.

“What are you doing in Philly?” I ask.
“A friend of mine, Rachel Weisz, is shooting a film here.” She says as I hand her the last of the contents of her purse. I find it odd that she says her friend’s whole name.

She tells me they’re shooting in West Chester this week. Some best seller book that Julie loves. I tell her I’m from West Chester and she says we should get together out there for drinks some night. I figure she’s kidding or blowing me off or both, but I still give her my phone number (I might have forgotten to mention Julie).

 

Julie and I laughed at the story when I recounted it for her later, and that was that…until last night.

We were sitting on the couch watching the Phillies beating the Brewers 5 to 1. My cell phone rings and it’s a (310) number I don’t recognize. I answer it thinking it might be a contractor I deal with.

Me: “Hello?”
SJ: “Kevin?”
Me: “Yeah?”
SJ: “It’s Scarlett.”

I don't know anyone named Scarlett.  look at Julie as if she’s going to help me. Then it dawns on me…

Me: “Oh. Hey what’s goin on?”
SJ: “I’m at a place in West Chester called Kooma. Wanna meet up?”
Me: “Uh, sure. Where?”
SJ: “We were thinking of going to Kildaire’s down the street.”
Me: “Oh.” (Very unenthused).
SJ: “No good?”
Me: “I guess. It’s just that place is always packed.”
SJ: “Do you know a quiet more intimate place we could meet up?”
Me: “Of course!”

And that ladies and gentlemen is how I got Scarlett Johansson to go to the Square Bar. If you were there you might not have recognized her with her “mask” on.

Some side notes:

-Yes Gordon got home okay.
-Yes the Brewers came back to beat the Phillies.
-Yes Scarlett made reference to “spilling” something on my Khaki’s at the Square Bar.

Tune in next time and learn how I got Christina Ricci to eat at Harry’s Hotdogs.