So as I mentioned previously, the Improv class I had hoped to enroll in, sold out before my funds became available. I attempted to work some "inside deals," but much like our Nation's budget meetings, nothing took. I was told I was #2 on the waiting list. Then it occurred to me, my friends Jim & Bill are enrolled.
My wife suggested I kill them, thus opening the 2 spots necessary for me to make the cut. OK, she probably didn't. But she did tell me to make a list of Pro's & Con's before running off to "eliminate whatever irks me."
So here we go. Why and should/shouldn't kill Bill & Jim:
First, Sweet William -
Pro #1 (aka, why I should kill Bill) - the man has 20/20 vision. Yet he mocks those of us who don't by wearing an EYEronic eye patch! Also, he made me make an "ironic" spelling pun.
Con # 1 (aka, let my people go) - He reads comic books. He's a hugh Batman fan. That might be reason enough to let him live.
Pro # 2 - He's clearly already suicidal. You'd be helping put him out of his misery.
Con # 2 - He's clearly already suicidal. Don't waste your time, he'll do it eventually.
Pro # 3 - He's learned how to fly and that's some bullshit!
Con # 3 - He's protected by turtles.
Next, Jimmy Burns -
Pro # 1 (aka, burn baby Burns!) - He was in The Water Horse: Legend of the Deep & didn't get me a free ticket.
Con # 1 - He was in The Water Horse: Legend of the Deep & did get me a VHS bootleg.
Pro # 2 - He drinks & drives
Con # 2 - He's got a wicked ride!
Pro # 3 - He's got a better 'stash than me.
Con # 3 - He looks like Freddie Mercury.
But alas dear readers, the lives of these fine fellows have been saved. Because last night I got some inside information that I am not at liberty to discuss at this time.
I can reveal however that it does involve this man...
...sometimes the world just has a way of balancing itself out, doesn't it?