Thursday, August 13, 2015

Happy Left Handed Day!!!

Today is Left Handed Day.

Which is a bitch if you suffer from Sinistrophobia (the fear of things at the left side or left handed people). This is NOT the same as Sinestrophobia, which is the fear of the Green Latern's arch nemesis, Sinestro. Who, as chance would have it, is left handed (at least in this photo).

Many drawings of Sinestro, depicted him as being right handed. Perhaps he was Ambidextrous. 

So who are some other popular "southpaws" you ask?

Let's start with a handful of Presidents:

Gerald Ford packed his pipe with his left hand. No word on whether his two LEFT feet were the reason he fell multiple times on the steps to Air Force One.

Ronald Reagan, like Sinestro, was Ambidextrous (and possible an enemy to The Green Lantern). Many photos reveal The Gipper writing & throwing a football with his right hand, however according to the NRA, he's a lefty (NOT a leftist!)

George HW Bush was known for his 1000 Points of Light speech. He'd use THIS fist to knock ALL 1000 of YOUR lights OUT!

Bill Clinton was left handed. We know this from his well documented fingering...OF A SAXOPHONE! (Jeez!)

Current President, Barack Obama is alright with me...even though he's a lefty. Here he is signing The Affordable Care Act into law, much to the chagrin of The Right.

Studies show that around 90% of people throughout the world are right handed. 

While about 30% of the population experience something called cross-dominance of mixed-handedness. This is the change of hand preference between tasks, like throwing a ball with your right hand, but hitting a ball with your left (this is more likely what Ronald Reagan was).

And finally there's Ambidexterity, which results in being able to do any task equally well with either hand. This is what all of your asshole friends claim to be, but most of them aren't.

There was a time when left handedness was seen as weak, even evil! The actual word "left" comes from the Anglo-Saxon word "Lyft," meaning "weak."

Yet some of the strongest rockers throughout history had to string their guitars upside down.

Yet the fear of being left handed was so strong in Rock and Roll, that Rick Allen removed the temptation completely.

From wikipedia: 
In many religions, including Christianity, the right hand of God is the favored hand. For example, Jesus sits at God's right side. God's left hand, however, is the hand of judgement.

Which means God has a wicked backhand (and a Swiss accent)!

Proof that God & Roger Federer are one in the same.

In my research, I found the age old question about left handedness on Yahoo Answers, the greatest source of entertainment (if not inaccurate information).

The responses varied, but my favorite came from a douche bag named "Euthyphroozelah."

It would seem Euthy believes all "left handed" people are in fact, homosexual. My research found quite the contrary:

In fact, this left handed heterosexual guy has bedded 1000s of women throughout his career. But in truth, much of his work I've seen, he uses both hands to get the job done.

Though left handed people make up merely 10% of the world's population, 30% of baseball players hit from "the other" side of the plate. 

So they have THAT going for them, however lefties have a higher risk of psychosis. So it's probably best to just fear and avoid them. 

But hey, if you are a lefty, enjoy your special day...while having ink all over your hand!

1 comment:

Hillel Levi-Faur said...

Man youve got it wrong, clinton wasnt left handed, that's just the way you play the saxophone. Left hand on top so the right hand carries most of the weight.