Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Poison Ivy

My first encounter with Poison Ivy was a very early (made for TV) movie with Michael J. Fox entitled…Poison Ivy. Not to be confused with the teen sex romp film featuring Drew Barrymore & Tom Skerritt having sex on a piano. “The Fox” version (as I call him), sees Michael J. smitten for Nancy McKeon. Obviously, this movie was released before lesbians existed.

My most recent encounter with Poison Ivy took place last Thursday in my backyard. After mowing and edging, I decided to do some light “weeding.” Often time, this includes pruning the limps of “low-hanging” trees. Every time I do this, I think of the trees getting angry at me and taking revenge. Not so much the way the trees in the “Wizard of Oz” take revenge, but rather the way “Tree Beard” and the boys kick a little Saruman ass in “Lord of the Rings.”

I always imagine the trees conspiring to bring me down, which is exactly what they did!

Although I wear gloves when I mow, edge and weed, my meager precautions were still not enough to defeat the red headed terror who has given The Batman fits throughout the streets and arboretums of Gotham City. What worse is, it’s spreading…

I am forced to wear long sleeve shorts to work in 90 plus degree weather, or else risk people thinking I have leprosy…again. I itch like nobody’s business. I was scratching my arm and someone asked, “Are you okay?” I said, “Mind your business.” And the stuff I am putting on it doesn’t seem to be doing a damn thing, calamine in no friend of mine!

The moral of the story is, do nothing around the house…or some hot comic book character might kick you butt!

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