If there's something strange in your neighborhood
Who you gonna call?
I mean that depends on the specifics, right?
Are we talking about a downed power line? Because then I'd call PECO, or some electrical company representative to let them know.
Or if it's a mysterious package, I'll call the police and report it. Sure, we're like 18 years removed from 9/11, but still, "see something, say something" continues to be a good practice.
Now, if we're talking about a creepy looking guy in trench coat, I'll probably assess the whether. Is rain expected? Is it too warm for such wardrobe? Is it simply Mrs. Bradley off of her meds again? There's much to be considered.
Though, if it's Mr. Bradley in the trench coat, I'll likely call the Ghostbusters, because he died three Summers ago.
If there's something weird
And it don't look good
Who you gonna call?
Again, very vague.
I mean right now, those spotted lantern flies are pretty goddamn weird.
And after stepping on them, we know who to call and report the sighting to: the Pennsylvania Department of Agriculture. Or, the hotline set up by Penn State University,1-888-4BAD-FLY.
I ain't afraid of no ghost
I ain't afraid of no ghost
See, if you said that once, I'd have believed you. But repeating it makes me question your sincerity.
If you're seeing things running through your head
Who you gonna call?
A psychologist!
Unless you mean, literally running through my head, then a dermatologist! Because lice, like the Wu Tang Clan, ain't nothin' to fuck with.
An invisible man
Sleeping in your bed
Who you gonna call?
An intruder is sleeping in my bed! I'll call the police!
...wait, how can I see they're sleeping in my bed if they're invisible in the first place?
I ain't afraid of no ghost
I ain't afraid of no ghost
Yeah. I...I know.
Who you gonna call?
Look, I'm starting to think you're just lonely.
If you're all alone
Pick up the phone
And call...
Do you just need someone to talk to? I have a good psychologist I can recommend.
I ain't afraid of no ghost
I know! No one is saying you are!
I hear it likes the girls
What?!? That's fucked up! Seriously, I don't think I EVER realized that was the lyric.
I ain't afraid of no ghost
Don't go changing the subject now.
This apparition sounds like a goddamn creep, and not in the typical creepy "ghost" way, but rather in like a "Ghost Dad" starring Bill Cosby way!
Yeah yeah yeah yeah
So you agree! It's a Cosby type ghost?!?
Okay, let's think about this a moment. We need to report this ghost's behavior.
Who ya gonna call?
I don't know! That's what I'm trying to figure out. The police? Hannibal Buress?
If you've had a dose of a freaky ghost baby
You better call...
A dose? Ghost baby?
You mean you think he's impregnated some of these aforementioned girls? HOLY SHIT! This goes fucking deep!
Lemme tell ya something...
Go on...
Bustin' makes me feel good!
"Bustin'?" You mean bustin' a nut?
...WHAT THE FUCK?!?
Have you been the ghost this whole time?!?
I ain't afraid of no ghost
I ain't afraid of no ghost
Our mere mortal laws can't even touch you, can they?
What do you want from me?
Don't get caught alone no no
I'm not joining forces with you, you piece of shit!
You're on your own!
When it comes through your door
Unless you just want some more
Are you threatening me now, you piece of garbage?
I think you better call
Oh, I'm going to call! I'LL CALL EVERYONE I KNOW, BUDDY!
Who ya gonna call?
I just told you, EVERYBODY!
Who ya gonna call?
I'm not giving you specifics! I don't need to disclose my game plan to you, ya dirty rape ghost! This isn't a court! You have no constitutional right to know what evidence I'll use against you here!
I think you better call
Look, I'm dialing right now!
Who ya gonna call?
Are you fucking deaf?
I can't hear you...
...holy shit, you are deaf!
I'm so sorry.
You haven't heard me this whole time, have you?
Wait a second...Mr. Bradley?
Is that you?
Who ya gonna call?
Oh my God. Mr. Bradley, I'm going to call your son Thomas. I...I think he might know what to do...
Louder
I SAID I'M GOING TO CALL YOUR SON THOMAS. HE STARTED STUDYING THE OCCULT AFTER YOU PASSED AWAY. HE'S BEEN TRYING TO FIND A WAY TO CONTACT YOU FOR THE PAST THREE YEARS!
Who ya gonna call?
THOMAS!
Who can ya call?
HE STUDIES PARANORMAL ACTIVITY, LIKE GHOSTS!
Who ya gonna call?
Oh, Christ. I get it...
"Ghostbusters."
Well played Mr. Bradley. Well played.
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