Batman vs. Superman (Because Everyone Else Has Written About It)

Batman vs. Superman is currently running at a 29% rating on Rotten Tomato. Most of the reviews are blustering assholes who like to hear themselves speak. You can tell because the first three reviews splatter words like modicum, operatic, and derivative with int the first few words of the review...a review about an indestructible guy would can fly and a billionaire who can kick the ass of the indestructible guy who can fly.

I wouldn't go so far as to say I hated Batman vs. Superman, but I also wouldn't say I loved it.

The runtime felt about 40 minutes too long. If you took out Zach Snyder's overused slo-motion trademarks shots, you could probably chop an easy 20 minutes from the film. That way, by the time the BIG BAD shows up at the film's end, you're not clock watching wonder how much longer this thing is.

Ben Affleck is the strongest part of the film. His performance is a a great Batman/Bruce split. Pretty much what I expected from him.

And though I think I understood what Snyder wanted to convey with Superman, I don't feel he pulled it off. I think Henry Cavell is serviceable as Supes, but he's a rather crappy Clark Kent. I grew up with Christopher Reeve who had perfected the duality of the role. I felt Cavell's loneliness of being an alien, but I never felt his wanting to belong amongst the people he protects, other than Lois Lane. Who is almost always terribly written, as she is in this film.

Jeremy Irons is pretty much wasted, but since this wasn't an actual Batman film, I can easily see past that. Although that being said, they sure were able to work in the old "kill the parents" origin. If you have a sexual fetish for seeing Bruce Wayne's parents killed in film, there sure is a lot of "porn" for you to choose from. I truly believe there will come a day when all filmmakers will get their turn at killing Thomas & Martha off.

Gal Gadot was excellent as Wonder Woman. I'm not sure what an entire film for WW would look like, but we're going to find out.

SPOILER (kind of): I definitely felt the Justice League reveals were forced and didn't really add to my enjoyment of the film. The kids in the theater liked seeing the Flash, so I'll leave it at that. Though they all questioned who Cyborg was.

Finally, to me, Jessie Eisenberg as Lex Luthor was the weakest part of the film. I admit I was also likely jaded going into it, as he's been a bit aloof in interviews towards the entire genre, which makes me question why he'd do the role in the first place. But he seemed to be playing a mix between Heath Ledger's Joker and David Tennant's Barty Crouch Jr in Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire. Stop licking your lips, dude!

Overall, I wouldn't demand my time or money back after seeing this film (though if the technology for either is in place, you should share that with me).

I'm not putting the blame on Snyder, but I do not feel that DC has an overall grasp of their story arc the way Marvel does.

I'll leave you with this:  Lex Luthor continually refers to someone who is "coming." My guess would be Darkseid. Which could potentially be awesome...

Ten Dollar Joke

First let me say, I have donated money to Omaze in the past. I think they are a great organization who partners with some pretty cool celebrities to help raise money for various causes.

Because I have donated, I have been receiving emails lately asking me to donate for a chance to walk the red carpet at the upcoming Batman Vs. Superman opening. I have been rather vocal about my lack of excitement for this film.

Not because I am against Ben Affleck as Batman/Bruce Wayne. I actually think he'll do an excellent job.

Not because I am against Henry Cavill as Superman/Clark Kent. I enjoyed his performance as the last son of Krypton in the last film, though I found the film itself to be a bit of a disappointment.

And not because I am against Zach Snyder directing. I think he's a capable director, though have found more than a few of his films to be lackluster.

But more so because I feel DC Comics, in conjunction with Warner Brothers, has done a terrible job managing its properties. I could go on and on about how much Marvel has done in comparison, but that's not really the point here. 

So yesterday, after receiving an email with the above photo, I couldn't help but editing it slightly and tweeting this photo:

Also, in a moment of dickishness, I replied to the email with the photo attached and a message simply reading:

I fixed it for you.

And then promptly forgot about it...until I received the following email from Hayden C at Omaze:

It reads:

Hayden C (Omaze)

Mar 14, 15:38

Hi Kevin,

Thanks so much for reaching back out to us here at Omaze. I see what you did there! (In my opinion, 48 Hours was truly a seminal moment for the buddy cop genre and Eddie Murphy's nascent film career. It's vastly underrated).

We sent the email you received on behalf of Henry Cavill to update and inform you about our awesome Batman v. Superman experience that closes tomorrow. Please feel free to check out all the details here! The donation will get you a chance at going to the premiere, while also making a vital impact on Eastern Congo Initiative, the SEED project, and Durrell Wildlife Conservation Trust (all charities hand-picked by Batman, Superman, and Lex Luthor)

You are of course more than welcome to reach out with any questions or comments-we are always here and happy to help!

Cheers,
Hayden

So what did I do after that? You can be damn certain I donated! A mere $10, but only because I'm low on funds at the moment. Not too low however, to appreciate Hayden's email back to me. If I could afford it, I was going to send $48.00, just because...

My donation will go to help fund the Eastern Congo Initiative, the SEED Project and the Durrell Wildlife Conservation Trust.

And what happens if I should win that walk down the red carpet? I honestly don't know. 

The Campaign closes tomorrow March 16th. They announce the winner on March 18th for the red carpet event on March 20th. Perhaps I'll see if Hayden wants to go. After all, I wouldn't have sent the money had he not written back.

This is the second time this week I donated money after a "bit" and it's only Tuesday! The previous one involved watching the heart wrenching Sarah McLachlan ASPCA video about 10 times for research on a video I was making. That ultimately cost me $25.00 and about a pound of tears.

I'll stick to Drumpf jokes through the weekend. Because no matter how bad I feel, that fucker ain't getting any of my money!

Mexican or Italian

Here's my take on this:

Sanders & Clinton are like Mexican food and Italian food. Yes, they're different. And there are things I like about each more than the other, but in the end they're still food and I won't go to bed hungry as long as I have one of them.

My other option seems to be eating a steaming pile of shit, and if it's all the same to you, I'd prefer Mexican or Italian.