Thursday, September 12, 2013

Mustaches & Mustard Gas!

It's Friday!  Time to play everyone's favorite GAME SHOW, "Mustaches & Mustard Gas!"

Can you tell the difference between the 80s icon and the merciless despot?  

Remember, points are worth double in this round...also your family can be drug out into the streets and shot!

Let's begin:
(scroll down for answers)


Look at that winning smile and those clean teeth.  
This MUST be a movie star right?

Maybe not a MOVIE star, but he has been getting quite a bit of TV time lately.  It's Bashar al-Assad, the Despot of Damascus.  This Syrian 'Stash Sporter is quite the gas at parties!


Hmmm...that deep dimple looks ominous.  
And is that a military flight hat (AKA a garrison cap) I see in the background?

Why that's Chappy Sinclair!  Louis Gosset Jr's character from Iron Eagle.  Don't let that militant demeanor fool you, Chappy takes Doug Masters under his wing (hey-o!) to fight a country holding his father hostage.

SIDE NOTE:  While researching this, I learned that the soldiers who wear garrison caps have another name for them..."cunt caps."

True story.  Look it up.


Look at those cheek bones.  This guy must be a ruthless leader of men and ardent "bedder" of women...

Did you guess despot?  

Then "Another One Bites The Dust."  That's Queen frontman, Freddie Mercury.  I'm fairly certain he never wore a "cunt cap."  

True story.  Look it up!


I'm sure this guy is all about guns!

And by "guns" I mean a Magnum!  

P.I. that is.  

Detroit Tigers hat, Hawaiian shirt and a Ferrari, though in this photo, Tom Selleck only needs his iconic 80s 'stash to be properly I.D.'d.


Is that a "duck face?"

Well, it sure is!  As in, "You better fucking duck or Saddam is going to shoot your ass!"

You can call what he's wearing a beret, but that right there ladies and gentlemen, is a goddamn CUNT CAP!

How are you doing so far?  

5 for 5?

GREAT!  Let's keep going:


I'm getting a Hannibal Smith from The A-Team feel on this one. 

"I love it when a plan comes together..."

And that "plan" of course, is to play an international game of "chicken" with John F. Kennedy in 1962.  

Oh, Fidel Castro, you minx!


Come on!  Everyone knows this dictator...

It's "The Great Dictator!"  

I know what you're thinking, "Kevin, Charlie Chaplin isn't an 80s icon!"
Sure he is!  He was born April 16, 1889.  

The old Tramp trick.

SIDE NOTE:  This is a NO HITLER Game Show


Sex appeal...

Nice!  Who is that rugged movie star?  

Joseph Stalin you say?

The Russian dictator who is responsible for the deaths of between 4 million and nearly 10 million, not including those who died in 




...nice scarf, I guess.

This game just gotten a bit awkward, didn't it?


So what did this asshole do?

...How about a little something called "Smokey & The Mother Fuckin' Bandit!"

and the Cannonball Run movies.



Last question...


This is a MOTHER FUCKING terrorist...

 every hitter in Major League Baseball from the 1970s through the 1980s.

Rollie Fingers.

So, Mr. Assad, the next time you're thinking of putting the smack down on your own people, just remember you don't need to resort to chemical warfare.  

Some well placed mustache wax and a hard biting sinker will usually do the job.

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