Rule Number 3

There are three things that separate human beings from animals:

1. if a child runs out into the street, you grab that child.  You don't have to know them.  You don't have to have a child of your own.  You don't even have to like children.  You can be a Hatfield and the child could be a McCoy, but if he runs into the street, you grab that kid!

2. we tell each other when you don't need to pay for parking.  Because fuck the parking authority!  ALL PARKING AUTHORITIES!  If you live in a town or know the parking restriction time limits in said town, you share that information with your fellow "parkers."  If someone is about to pay for parking in center city Philadelphia on a Wednesday night, you let them know parking is free.  That's what Jesus would do (if the quarters didn't slip through his hand holes).

3. KEEP YOUR TRAP SHUT!  This one trumps ALL other rules.  ALL OF THEM!  To hell with that kid, he should have known better and this will be a tough lesson learned!  And so what about the stupid $3.00 you paid when you didn't have to, maybe if you paid closer attention to things involving your car, you wouldn't have hit that kid that darted out in the street!  No, rule number three is PARAMOUNT!  NO one, and I mean NO ONE spoils the end of Breaking Bad!

Will Walter White live? Will he die?  Will he ever buy a hat that doesn't look like one Cliff Huxtable would wear to the jazz clubs?

Couldn't find the hat photo...

With the emergence of Netflix and Hulu Plus and a slew of other ways to watch past aired television, so many of our fellow beings are still catching up on the Emmy Award winning "Best Drama" Breaking Bad.   It is an unspoken pact we make as members of the human race, NOT to spoil a show such as this.  The outcome is destined to be a "Rosebud" or an Intergalactic father/son relationship between the protagonist/antagonist.  Simply put, don't be the asshole who says, "I'm the one who spoils."

I will be watching the show live.  I killed myself over the summer getting caught up i n order to watch the fate of Walter White along side my fellow geeks.  And then I'll follow number 3 and keep my trap shut.  If you must "spoil" something, might I recommend another show that recently ended, Dexter.  Of course to that I say GOOD LUCK, since the writers spoiled it somewhere around season 3.

Mustaches & Mustard Gas!

It's Friday!  Time to play everyone's favorite GAME SHOW, "Mustaches & Mustard Gas!"

Can you tell the difference between the 80s icon and the merciless despot?  

Remember, points are worth double in this round...also your family can be drug out into the streets and shot!



Let's begin:
(scroll down for answers)

1. 

Look at that winning smile and those clean teeth.  

This MUST be a movie star right?

Maybe not a MOVIE star, but he has been getting quite a bit of TV time lately.  It's Bashar al-Assad, the Despot of Damascus.  This Syrian 'Stash Sporter is quite the gas at parties!

2. 

Hmmm...that deep dimple looks ominous.  

And is that a military flight hat (AKA a garrison cap) I see in the background?

Why that's Chappy Sinclair!  Louis Gosset Jr's character from Iron Eagle.  Don't let that militant demeanor fool you, Chappy takes Doug Masters under his wing (hey-o!) to fight a country holding his father hostage.

SIDE NOTE:  While researching this, I learned that the soldiers who wear garrison caps have another name for them..."cunt caps."

True story.  Look it up.

3. 

Look at those cheek bones.  This guy must be a ruthless leader of men and ardent "bedder" of women...

Did you guess despot?  

Then "Another One Bites The Dust."  That's Queen frontman, Freddie Mercury.  I'm fairly certain he never wore a "cunt cap."  

True story.  Look it up!

4. 

I'm sure this guy is all about guns!

And by "guns" I mean a Magnum!  

P.I. that is.  

Detroit Tigers hat, Hawaiian shirt and a Ferrari, though in this photo, Tom Selleck only needs his iconic 80s 'stash to be properly I.D.'d.

5.

Is that a "duck face?"

Well, it sure is!  As in, "You better fucking duck or Saddam is going to shoot your ass!"

You can call what he's wearing a beret, but that right there ladies and gentlemen, is a goddamn CUNT CAP!

How are you doing so far?  

5 for 5?

GREAT!  Let's keep going:

6. 

I'm getting a Hannibal Smith from The A-Team feel on this one. 

"I love it when a plan comes together..."

And that "plan" of course, is to play an international game of "chicken" with John F. Kennedy in 1962.  

Oh, Fidel Castro, you minx!

7. 

Come on!  Everyone knows this dictator...

It's "The Great Dictator!"  

I know what you're thinking, "Kevin, Charlie Chaplin isn't an 80s icon!"

Sure he is!  He was born April 16, 1889.  

The old Tramp trick.

SIDE NOTE:  This is a NO HITLER Game Show

8. 

Sex appeal...

Nice!  Who is that rugged movie star?  

Joseph Stalin you say?

The Russian dictator who is responsible for the deaths of between 4 million and nearly 10 million, not including those who died in 

famines?

Oh.

Great.

Umm...

...nice scarf, I guess.

This game just gotten a bit awkward, didn't it?

9.

So what did this asshole do?

...How about a little something called "Smokey & The Mother Fuckin' Bandit!"

and the Cannonball Run movies.

Burt!

Legend.

Last question...

10.

This is a MOTHER FUCKING terrorist...

...to every hitter in Major League Baseball from the 1970s through the 1980s.

Rollie Fingers.

So, Mr. Assad, the next time you're thinking of putting the smack down on your own people, just remember you don't need to resort to chemical warfare.  

Some well placed mustache wax and a hard biting sinker will usually do the job.