So in about a month, I’ll be here:
Don’t be jealous, because given
Aruba’s track record, it’ll probably look like this:
I have never been good at Geography. If I was kidnapped and being tortured, I could probably put all the states in their proper place on a map of The United States, as long as the states were labeled & cut out in state shaped puzzle pieces. Pretty colors wouldn’t hurt either, but that’s more for the aesthetics.
You: “Kevin, how do you get to your house?”
Me: “Go down the road for a while, turn right at the second light. Go through another traffic light and right at the one after that. Go a little bit and turn right before the train tracks.”
You: “What are the names of these streets?”
Me: “What am I, fucking Magellan?”
My problem has always been, I know how to get places, I just don’t know how to tell others how to. That said I almost NEVER know where I am physically in the universe.
So yesterday I pulled up this map of
Aruba to see where I’ll be in a month:
*That’s in honor of Cinco de Mayo Eve or more appropriately Cinco de Mayo Víspera
This is AWFULLY close to
South America. That’s where real pirates live!!!
So now all I can think of is if I’m kidnapped by pirates. If I am, I hope they look like this:
But it would be more likely if they look like this:
If I am kidnapped and taken to
Columbia to be a sex slave, I’ll have one thing working in my favor: The League was HUGELY popular in (this is true, I can show you our website traffic). I don’t think they’ll be forcing the guy who coined the phrase “Cop-a-feel for Copperfield” to be a Columbia Caribbean sex slave?
But if I am, I hope it’s with this pirate:
I wouldn’t mind putting her “states in their proper place.”