Friday, May 14, 2010

Karma Vs Caffeine

No matter what my wife says, Karma is a bitch! She gets angry when I say this. She says based on MY version of Karma, the people in Haiti did something to bring the shit storm they have experience over recent times on themselves. Neither she nor I actually believe this. I’m sure some of you do, and you are the one Karma is looking to gang rape.

So that said, I have spent many of my days making fun of people with lazy eyes, crazy eyes or eyes that are completely missing. Growing up, not a day would go by when I didn’t make fun of Sandy Duncan. I still do, though most people don’t know who that is. If you try and explain it to them, their eyes glass over (which is kind of ironic or eye-ronic).

Sammy Davis Jr, Peter Falk, Stevie Wonder…ok, he didn’t have a glass eye, but we still made fun of his deformity.

That said my eye has been twitching like crazy! So much so that I have taken to calling my right eye Alex P. Keaton (because again, the 80s sitcom stars must fell my wrath!)

I thought the twitch was being caused by mounting stress. My wife (the one who doesn’t believe in my vicious version of Karma) seems to think caffeine is the culprit. I had given up drinking soda a couple of years ago because I was starting to get a bit large in the “lower region” (my gut). However, like a true addict, it slowly crept back into my life.

So I stopped drinking it again 2 days ago. But alas, I woke up this morning with a blood filled eye. “What the what?”

I can now only assume it is not caffeine, but rather Karma making a visit.

So I’d like to apologize to Sandy Duncan for all of the times a Wheat Thins commercial came on and my brothers and I laughed at you. I apologize to Peter Falk, who always seemed so focused on the case as Columbo even if he couldn’t focus on an object. I apologize to Steve Wonder. I have seen you lately buddy (notice no joke about you not being able to see me?) Seriously, you too might want to cut out the soda and perhaps go easy on the Wheat Thins. And finally I apologize to you the reader, for that horrendous “eye ronic” joke I told. You deserve better than that.

As for Alex P. Keaton, you can suck it buddy! Just becaussssssss…

…Holy Shit! My hand started shaking at the end of that sentence!

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