Friday, July 6, 2007

Full Circle...Empty Can

This may not sound very impressive but I haven’t had a soda in almost two Sundays. That’s two weeks for those of us keeping score at home. I should admit I had one of those really tiny cans of Dr. Pepper during this time. But that shouldn’t count because of how small it was…and because Dr. Pepper is hardly a real soda.

I’m not saying I’ll never drink Coke again, but I figured out a few numbers on the off chance that my cola days are behind me.

I was drinking, on average a 12 pack of coke, every 2 days. That’s 3.5 a week, not including parties and events. But we’ll stick with 3.5 because that’s what I was purchasing myself.

The average case of soda runs about $4.23. I am not a big SALE person, I probably should be but that’s a whole different post. So I was spending about 14.81 a week on soda. Again this doesn’t include going to the mall (which I worked in for 15 years), to the movies, just hitting up a gas station. So again this number is very conservative. In a year I will save $769.86 just on soda. I’ve been drinking a lot of water so it isn’t like I’ve replaced soda with…say imported beer.

Now, drinking all of this soda, I have probably shortened my lifespan a bit. Let’s say the average male’s life expectancy is 84 years old. I honestly don’t know what the number is, but 84 sounds good. I am just shy of 32, so that’s 52 years left. I’ll also subtract the “coke” years and take off about 5 leaving me with 47. I don’t eat particularly healthy so I’ll take off another 5 giving me 42 more years here.

I drive a little too fast, and my car isn’t really in the greatest shape…I’ll remove another 2 years. I also like Tai hookers—that’s about 15 right there, which unfortunately means I am in my twilight years now. That sucks. I could use a coke.

So I have 25 years left…which would be $19246.50 in savings from coke…now if I put that in a safe savings account that would be an additional $1154.79. Modest, sure, but more money! But let’s face it, if my dealings with the Tai’s have taught us anything, it’s that safe isn’t my style. So instead I’d put it all on black (not unlike the Tai’s I suppose). That yields 1.1111 in winnings. So now I’m sitting pretty with $40631.50. Hell, I could buy a new car, which would add those 2 years back on my life. Fifteen? What about fifteen? You think I should put it all on fifteen? That’s a risky. I like the idea of a new car, like the new Sebring, hard-top convertible. But I also like money.

Fifteen it is!

$1,543,997! I can afford to retire, especially seeing as how I’m only gonna live another 25 years. Maybe I should invest. What’s Coke trading at?


Jim said...

I can't believe it. You're lying. KEVIN IS USING HIS BLOG TO PERPETUATE LIES.

Rodrigo said...

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Tara said...

The actual male lifespan is 75.2 years, so your math is wrong and according to my calculations - you'll be dead this August 14...guess, we know who is standing up Gordon on his birthday! (*reminder - I am a communications major)