Music Choice: Sounds of the Season #5

I'll probably still drink it...

Humpty Dumpty, Frosty the Snowman & Jesus

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the king’s horses and all the king’s men
Couldn’t put Humpty together again.

Nowhere does it say, Humpty was an egg. In fact it makes almost NO sense that he IS an egg.

All the king’s horses and all the king’s men
Couldn’t put Humpty together again.

Humpty Dumpty was originally published in 1797 in Samuel Arnold's Juvenile Amusements. The line originally read:

Fourscore men and fourscore more,
Could not make Humpty Dumpty where he was before.

Thus eliminating the fragile smashability of his egg-like being.

Perhaps you've heard this before, or perhaps this is the first time you have heard it. Either way, it's not really earth shattering...but this just might be:

Frosty The Snowman is NOT a Christmas Song!

Recently, I have been hearing a lot of people voicing their disapproval at this years particularly early "Christmas push." Decorations have been on sale since the end of September and commercials have been running since just before Halloween. Personally, this doesn't bother me but I have heard the ire of the people.

So I started paying closer attention.

I have noticed some wreaths, and even full on Christmas lights & reindeer at a local public facility. Then yesterday, as I drove into the corporate park I work at, I notice a big snowman. This was particularly funny, because one of the guys I work with voices his dismay towards the pre-Thanksgiving holiday push, LOUDLY.

I know he drives right by that snowman, so I pictured him being pissed first thing in the morning. But then it hit me...a snowman represents winter, not Christmas, which means, Frosty is NOT a Christmas song.

To confirm this, I listened to a version of Jimmy Durante singing the "carol" on my iPod (with ear buds to keep anyone within earshot from accusing me of a premature holiday ejaculation of sorts).

There are the lyrics:

Frosty the snowman was a jolly happy soul
With a corncob pipe and a button nose
And two eyes made out of coal
Frosty the snowman is a fairy tale they say
He was made of snow but the children
Know how he came to life one day
There must have been some magic in that
Old silk hat they found
For when they placed it on his head
He began to dance around
Oh, Frosty the snowman
Was alive as he could be
And the children say he could laugh
And play just the same as you and me
Thumpity thump thump
Thumpity thump thump
Look at Frosty go
Thumpity thump thump
Thumpity thump thump
Over the hills of snow

Frosty the snowman knew
The sun was hot that day
So he said
Let's run and
We'll have some fun
Now before I melt away
Down to the village
With a broomstick in his hand
Running here and there all
Around the square saying
Catch me if you can
He led them down the streets of town
Right to the traffic cop
And he only paused a moment when
He heard him holler "Stop!"
For Frosty the snow man
Had to hurry on his way
But he waved goodbye saying
Don't you cry
I'll be back again some day
Thumpity thump thump
Thumpity thump thump
Look at Frosty go
Thumpity thump thump
Thumpity thump thump
Over the hills of snow

No mention of Christmas, whatsoever. The cartoon (narrated by Durrante), is where the idea of Christmas and Frosty being formed from "Christmas snow", originates. But rather, the song is a simple tale of a snowman who comes to life on any given day in the winter. Or, possibly the summer for that matter (if we're talking Northern Alaska or the Arctic region). No date is specified in the song.

I decided (because I can't help myself) to type the following into Google:

"Frosty the Snowman, an allegory for Christ."

Well, as is often the case with a Google search, I wasn't disappointed. I stumbled on a "Frosty the Snowman" forum (I shit you, not!). 

Frosty the Symbol (good one) posts the following:

Frosty is Jesus

Frosty comes into the world

Frosty does what he does

Frosty dies (melts away)

Frosty will "come back some day" (the foundation of Christianity - the faith/belief that Jesus will return)

"Frosty the Snowman" is a religious allegory

He then goes on to define "allegory," which might be the only insightful information he included in his post.

Robert Langdon (or someone who reads Dan Brown) broke the song down into the following algorithmic anagram:

Thumpetty thump thump,

Thumpety thump thump,

Look at Frosty go.

Thumpetty thump thump,

Thumpety thump thump,

Over the hills of snow.

3:33

3:33

run

3:33

3:33

altitude cold weather training.

He further speculates that Frosty can run a 3:33 mile. Apparently Guinness hasn't updated their facts yet, since they currently have the fastest mile held by Hicham El Guerrouj at 3:43.13.

Silas (another user name) asks the question that immediately came to my mind, "what does the old silk hat they found" signify?

Americans Are Ignorant replied: I would like to point out that most Americans are too stupid to figure this out on their own. 

This was not very informative.

SMJO suggests "the old silk hat is the Shroud of Turin." 

Though it should be mentioned he cites neither his findings nor his credentials to make such an assertion. If he was merely looking to make a guess, he would have been better off trying "a thorn of crowns" for at least they are both head wear.

Al Gore Mind Control then pairs off either for or against Al Gore Super Mind Control (I couldn't tell what either person was attempting to argue).

But, without a doubt, my favorite was this gem from Sam W:

The silk hat represents the baptism by John the Baptist and the traffic cop is Pontius Pilate.

I know kid, I am weeping too.
Sam W even puts a link to a geocities website that is no longer being supported. I would have given my left snowball to have read the source material on this one.

In the end we'll just keep believing that Frosty The Snowman is a Christmas song and that Humpty Dumpty is an egg...wait...Christmas Eggs! 

THE ORIGIN OF EGG NOG!

Now we're on to something...

#100DaysOfSelfies #46 Don't Nog It Til You've Tried It

#100DaysOfSelfies #46 Don't Nog It Til You've Tried It.

Egg Nog

I have no problem putting this up as there are few people who read this...not that it's embarrassing but I am likely using it as a monologue for a new sketch show I am working on...

"Egg Nog"

Recently I had egg nog for the first time in my life.
I'm not exactly sure how I made it to 35 without ever having tried the stuff.
Growing up, however my family never drank it.
So I suppose I saw no reason to search it out.

Egg nog is a dairy based beverage, thicker than your standard milk product.
Made with milk or cream, sugar and beaten eggs. It is flavored with ground cinnamon & nutmeg.
Various liquors such as brandy, rum or whiskey can be added to give it a more "adult kick."
It's a staple for many during the winter holidays, especially Christmas

Perhaps it is this reason my parents have always referred to it, as "Elf Cum."
Also probably the reason it never found purchase in my family's icebox.
"You expect me to keep elf cum next to the meatloaf?" Dad would ask.
It was a rhetorical question that could only be met with the aversion of one's eyes and a slight giggle.

As I got older I wondered, did my parents really believe a magical, midget's masturbator expulsions were the ingredients to this traditional holiday drink?
Clearly the masses, who find same sex marriages to be against "God's plan," wouldn't stand for actual "elf cum" to be sold by the gallon at their local Walmart's comfortably nuzzled between fabric softener and Trisha Yeargood's new album.
Would they?
I assume my parents were strictly using hyperbole to describe their lack of affinity towards this winter concoction.
While adding the "elf" part to give a more festive feel to the description.

Otherwise, why reference an elf at all? Why not just simply, "cum?"
Are they under the belief that an elf's cum would taste differently than that of a regular person's?
I'm sure dietary differences could influence the flavor of the fluid.
Such as the difference between someone of Irish decent's cum tasting like Bailey's versus say…an Italian's tasting of Alfredo sauce.
But I believe, having never had elf, human or any other brand of cum mind you, that there isn't much difference between them.

Unless you take into account the magical qualities possessed by an Elf.
Still, if one had magical powers, I think the last thing they'd care about is the taste of their cum.
Seriously, if you're trucking around with flying reindeer and have the ear of the king shit elf himself, Santa Claus…
…I'm thinking you can get your dick sucked, even if its widely known that your cum tastes like battery acid.

So this holiday enjoy a delicious glass of yuletide egg nog safe with the thought that it is neither elf nor anyone else's cum.
But, you might want to add rum to it just in case. Cause after all, once you've had 5-6, who gives a shit what's in it!

Merry Christmas!