If you've read my blog, you know I'm an avid fan of parades. Well the opening ceremonies to the Olympics is like a National Parade held once every 4 years in a new location, but even more of a shit show!
Remember the "Ode to Wolverine" in 2010's games held in Vancouver? Well this year will be no different (other then the unusually high death toll expected)
You can be damn certain I'll be glued to the TV, with phone in hand to tweet throughout, this Friday night.
But some of you are wondering, "Which games are in this years Olympics?" Well let's explore.
Now I could simply list them for you. OR I could type the event name into my Google Images folder and see what photo Google recommends based on that event. Doesn't that sound SOOOOO much better?
(If not - HERE'S the actual list)
Archery
Nailed it.
Badminton
I have no idea how this picture came up when I typed in "badminton" unless the computer thought I meant "bad kitten" in which case it would be correct.
Basketball
We all know this is not a basketball, right?
Beach Volleyball
I assume Google gave up after it got "beach."
That said, you make an Olympic event with Jill Knapp doing a hula-hoop, I'm fucking there!
That said, you make an Olympic event with Jill Knapp doing a hula-hoop, I'm fucking there!
Boxing
Pssh! Guy looks more like the referee.
Canoe/Kayak
Well played, Google. Well played.
Cycling
I'm in! 100% in!
All riders have a "side bear," right?
Diving
Extra points awarded if you skim the leaves off the pool with the net.
Equestrian
Full disclosure, I typed in "horse."
But regardless, that's Jim Burns on a steed!
But regardless, that's Jim Burns on a steed!
Fencing
This one seemed to stump Google.
Perhaps it thinks Bosco is carrying a "fence."
Though, they are bars for the prison cell in The Clink, so maybe Google realized "fencing" stolen property is illegal and they just skipped the whole due process thing.
Perhaps it thinks Bosco is carrying a "fence."
Though, they are bars for the prison cell in The Clink, so maybe Google realized "fencing" stolen property is illegal and they just skipped the whole due process thing.
Field Hockey
This is obviously ice hockey, but this lady would be in the penalty box in either sport.
She knows what she's done, and so does Google.
She knows what she's done, and so does Google.
Golf
This works.
Gymnastics
You don't need to watch this event.
My kid already "medaled."
My kid already "medaled."
Handball
I think you see where I'm going with this.
Now turn your head and cough for the Russian judges.
Now turn your head and cough for the Russian judges.
Judo
I always confuse that one and Taekwondo.
Modern Pentathlon
Yeah. I'm stumped on this one, too.
Rhythmic Gymnastics
Sure. Let's go with this.
Rowing
This, technically isn't rowing.
However, if you take "rowing" to mean "get into a row (ie fight)." My money is on the Irish girl!
Rugby
OMG! Mason is so tiny!
(*Not a Rugby ball)
Sailing
Man, I miss Aruba.
Shooting
AKA Cowboys vs. Pirates
Soccer
Again, no need to watch.
My kid already won...for CUTENESS!
My kid already won...for CUTENESS!
Swimming
Go Jimmy, Go!
(Splashing is swimming, right?)
Synchronized Swimming
Synchronize your watches! And cell phones.
(Sorry Gordon)
Table Tennis
AKA Beer Pong
Taekwondo
I always confuse that one and Judo.
Tennis
Yep. Nailed it, Google.
I guess the net through it off.
I guess the net through it off.
Track & Field
This year the sprinkler is 100% toxic!
Trampoline
I have nothing to add to this one.
Triathlon
Umm...sure?
Volleyball
Google! You're not even trying anymore!
Water Polo...
...for the ladies!
Weight Lifting
What? It weighed a lot.
Wrestling
Stop looking at my wife's legs!
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