"Thanks for the Christmas Card You sent me, Violet!"
OK...I don't do Christmas Cards. I'm lazy and you're ungrateful. Let's just call it even, shall we? "Thanks for the invite." (sarcasm) I do however, throw parties from time to time. The biggest one of the year being a karaoke party for my dear friend Kerry's birthday, thus "Kerryoke." "Ooooooooh! I just thought you couldn't spell."
Yeah. There's that too. But undoubtedly, I get the old sarcastic standby, "thanks for the invite" from somebody. Here's the deal, I don't use Facebook for events. My reason is, no one reads them. They get lumped in with the Farmville invites, and the Candy Crush invites, and the comment notifications you receive from when you told someone to "Get Well Soon" 3 months ago, and their Aunt Grace is just now getting around to writing on that thread. It's a lot of clutter. Instead, I use the archaic invitation site, Evite.
For Kerryoke, I have used it for 6 of the 8 parties. Every year, I just re import the email addresses and hit send. BAM! "Your attendance is kindly requested." Then...I wait. "Jesus replied, Yes"
AWESOME! JESUS is coming! (Which is always good because then you buy a case of water and you're set with libations!) I turn off the email notifications, but still check Evite about 2-3 times a week. The best feature is that I can tell when someone actually viewed the invitation. #SNOWDENWASRIGHT! "Lucifer read this on 6/6/6" "WTF! Why didn't Lucifer reply yet? He probably wants to see if there's anything better going on that night. What a dickbag."
Here's what I hate about Evite, and the biggest issue with the site: Ready? Wait for it...it's...YOU! Not you, you. But YOU. The fact that you "don't use that email anymore." Which brings me to the crux of this blog entry: What is the up with people changing their emails every 12 seconds? Not counting work, I have had 4 emails in my lifetime. The first was an AOL account. Then a Hotmail (I literally checked it about 5 times and then abandoned it). Then a Yahoo account (which has an auto response on it telling you, I no longer use this email address). Finally my Gmail account. I also, have a ComedySportz email, but it funnels to my current email. And I used to have a League email account from when we did the web series.
Even this seems excessive. BUT, during the same time period, I had as many physical addresses. 1 - My parent's house that I grew up in 2 - Temple University when I went to college 3 - My apartment with Julie 4 - My house with Julie. So all in all, seems reasonable, right? "Thanks for the invite." (sarcasm) I go back and check the EVITE list. And see THAT person's email address. WTF?
"Look Lucifer, I invited you!" "Oh. I don't use that address anymore. That 's my old Hotmail account" (Get it? He's from Hell) "OK. Well I didn't get the memo that you changed it." "Yeah...well..." "'Well' what Lucifer? You know what? Fuck you. I'm glad you weren't there. All you'd do is sing 'I Went Down To Georgia' over and over anyway. We got it the first time, A-hole!" Lucifer and I are currently not talking. He needs time to cool off (Get it? The Hell thing again...) Seriously though, it's not my fault you changed your email and didn't tell anyone. Of course, this is my favorite: "Thanks for the invite." (sarcasm) I go back and check the EVITE list. And see THAT person's email address. "Lucifer read this on 6/6/6" "I did invite you! AND you read the invite on 6/6/6!" "Oh. I must have deleted it." "Fuck you, dude." "Friend me on Facebook and create an Event." "Fine!" Two weeks later: "Lucifer has invited you to play CANDYCRUSH."
"God, I fucking hate that guy! I should defriend him. What would Jesus do? Wait...what the...I think Jesus defriended me. CRAP!"