Osama Bin Laden's Obit

Osama bin Mohammed bin Awad bin Laden, age 54, died May 1st, 2011 after a lengthy "illness," while surrounded by family & friends in his mansion in Islamaba. 
Ossie, as his friends called him, was an avid fisherman who enjoyed the comedy stylings of Gallagher.  At summer cook outs, he was known to pull out a sledge hammer and smash a watermelon while yelling "death to infidels."  
Bin Laden was many things, a father, a husband, a mass murdering terrorist, but his dream was to open a kosher deli.  He was in the process of getting the licenses required when he died from an infection caused by 244 bullets to the face, chest and privates area.
He is survived by his son Herbie, his plant Fernando & the hatred in the souls of many misguided youths.
Funeral Service:  is scheduled for Friday May 13th (bad luck there)
Burial: just thrown on the side of the road somewhere
Condolences: The family asks in lieu of flowers, donations be made to www.worldwildlife.org/