The Perils of The Ghostbusters Lyrics

If there's something strange in your neighborhood
Who you gonna call? 

I mean that depends on the specifics, right?
Are we talking about a downed power line? Because then I'd call PECO, or some electrical company representative to let them know.

Or if it's a mysterious package, I'll call the police and report it. Sure, we're like 18 years removed from 9/11, but still, "see something, say something" continues to be a good practice.

Now, if we're talking about a creepy looking guy in trench coat, I'll probably assess the whether. Is rain expected? Is it too warm for such wardrobe? Is it simply Mrs. Bradley off of her meds again? There's much to be considered.

Though, if it's Mr. Bradley in the trench coat, I'll likely call the Ghostbusters, because he died three Summers ago.

If there's something weird
And it don't look good
Who you gonna call?

Again, very vague. 

I mean right now, those spotted lantern flies are pretty goddamn weird.

And after stepping on them, we know who to call and report the sighting to: the Pennsylvania Department of Agriculture. Or, the hotline set up by Penn State University,1-888-4BAD-FLY.


I ain't afraid of no ghost
I ain't afraid of no ghost

See, if you said that once, I'd have believed you. But repeating it makes me question your sincerity.

If you're seeing things running through your head
Who you gonna call?

A psychologist!

Unless you mean, literally running through my head, then a dermatologist! Because lice, like the Wu Tang Clan, ain't nothin' to fuck with.

An invisible man
Sleeping in your bed
Who you gonna call?

An intruder is sleeping in my bed! I'll call the police!

...wait, how can I see they're sleeping in my bed if they're invisible in the first place?

I ain't afraid of no ghost
I ain't afraid of no ghost

Yeah. I...I know.

Who you gonna call?

Look, I'm starting to think you're just lonely.

If you're all alone
Pick up the phone
And call...

Do you just need someone to talk to? I have a good psychologist I can recommend.

I ain't afraid of no ghost

I know! No one is saying you are!

I hear it likes the girls

What?!? That's fucked up! Seriously, I don't think I EVER realized that was the lyric.

I ain't afraid of no ghost

Don't go changing the subject now.
This apparition sounds like a goddamn creep, and not in the typical creepy "ghost" way, but rather in like a "Ghost Dad" starring Bill Cosby way!

Yeah yeah yeah yeah

So you agree! It's a Cosby type ghost?!?

Okay, let's think about this a moment. We need to report this ghost's behavior.

Who ya gonna call?

I don't know! That's what I'm trying to figure out. The police? Hannibal Buress?

If you've had a dose of a freaky ghost baby
You better call...

A dose? Ghost baby?
You mean you think he's impregnated some of these aforementioned girls? HOLY SHIT! This goes fucking deep! 

Lemme tell ya something...

Go on...

Bustin' makes me feel good!

"Bustin'?" You mean bustin' a nut?
...WHAT THE FUCK?!? 
Have you been the ghost this whole time?!?

I ain't afraid of no ghost
I ain't afraid of no ghost

Our mere mortal laws can't even touch you, can they?
What do you want from me?

Don't get caught alone no no

I'm not joining forces with you, you piece of shit!
You're on your own!

When it comes through your door
Unless you just want some more

Are you threatening me now, you piece of garbage?

I think you better call 

Oh, I'm going to call! I'LL CALL EVERYONE I KNOW, BUDDY!

Who ya gonna call? 

I just told you, EVERYBODY!

Who ya gonna call? 

I'm not giving you specifics! I don't need to disclose my game plan to you, ya dirty rape ghost! This isn't a court! You have no constitutional right to know what evidence I'll use against you here!

I think you better call 

Look, I'm dialing right now!

Who ya gonna call?

Are you fucking deaf?

I can't hear you...

...holy shit, you are deaf!
I'm so sorry.
You haven't heard me this whole time, have you?

Wait a second...Mr. Bradley?
Is that you?

Who ya gonna call?

Oh my God. Mr. Bradley, I'm going to call your son Thomas. I...I think he might know what to do...

Louder

I SAID I'M GOING TO CALL YOUR SON THOMAS. HE STARTED STUDYING THE OCCULT AFTER YOU PASSED AWAY. HE'S BEEN TRYING TO FIND A WAY TO CONTACT YOU FOR THE PAST THREE YEARS!

Who ya gonna call?

THOMAS!

Who can ya call?

HE STUDIES PARANORMAL ACTIVITY, LIKE GHOSTS!

Who ya gonna call?

Oh, Christ. I get it...

"Ghostbusters."

Well played Mr. Bradley. Well played.

There's No Such Thing As Halloween Music

Let me ask you a question, Halloween Music or Christmas Music?
*Keeping in mind, there has only ever actually been one Halloween song, "The Monster Mash."

What's that? You disagree? Well then, read on...

According to the leading authority on various genres of music, "Drew's Famous Party Music," the following tracks are on the original Halloween mix:

1. Monster Mash (we spoke of this already).
It was a graveyard smash. Not much else to say...though this bit over the course of 5 years on ComedyBang Bang is worth checking out:

2. Ghostbusters.
No. No. No. No. No!!!!!!
First of all, the original Ghostbusters was released in June of 1984, so it's not even a Halloween movie! If you want to watch it at Halloween, I'll support it. In fact it's a terrific movie, so you can watch it every single day of the year! BUT, that song is not a Halloween song. It's not even an original piece!

We all know that Ray Parker Jr. was sued for ripping off Huey Lewis and the News, and therefore Huey is a de facto co-writer on the tune.

3. The Time Warp.
Come on! Just because YOU didn't watch The Rocky Horror Picture Show two, sometimes three times a day when you were a junior in High School, doesn't automatically relegate it to your label of being a Halloween movie. Therefore its most famous song can't get dragged down that road either.

It's a great song, every day!

4. Macho Man.
The Village People! Look, other then being a band of walking Halloween costumes (some racially intensity by today's standards), there's not much else about them that reeks of All Hallow's Eve.

That said, "Macho Man Randy Savage" is ALWAYS as killer Halloween costume.
*Maybe not a literal killer Halloween costume. If you're looking for that might I suggest Jimmy Superfly Snuka.

5. Bad Moon Rising.
Don't be an April Fool. Written by John Fogerty and recorded by Creedence Clearwater Revival, this song came out on the 4th month of 1969, not the 11th. Just because there's a moon doesn't make it Halloweenie.

6. Purple People Eater.
Sounds like it's about "S'ing a D," but it's merely about aliens. If pushed hard enough, I'd say OK this can be a Halloween song. But can that really be considered a win?

7. Rock Lobster.
What the fuck! How the hell did this B-52s ditty end up labeled a Halloween song? Because it opens up with "We were at a party..."? Seriously, there are other parties than Halloween parties.

This song is an amazing song. Sorry Halloween, you don't get to randomly stake claims to it.

8. Hot Hot Hot.
Another party. Another NON-Halloween song.

9. Soul Man.
What in the fucking hell?!?
Did some one confuse Samhain with Sam & Dave?
The answer is NOT HALLOWEEN!

10. Let's Go Dancin'
Do you know what this is? No? Me either.
Kool & The Gang isn't writing Halloween songs.

11. Disco Inferno
Because of "inferno?" You could make the argument that this is more of a 4th of July song. Not Halloween.

12. Twilight Zone.
Wait! The theme song to a show? You can't just co-opt a song and label it a Halloween song.

Oh, it's NOT the theme song? It's a random dance song that has nothing to do with anything? OK...that too.

13. Don't Leave Me This Way
More disco...was Halloween invented in the 70s? I mean, I was invented in the 70s, so maybe it was too...I have no frame of reference before then.

This weird Thelma Houston song isn't a Halloween song... I mean,  not even the way the songs that came before this aren't, this is just a freebie that Drew is tossing at you. Like his sister's demo or something. Don't be fooled. NOT HALLOWEEN!

14. Super Freak.
Super NO!

15. Stayin' Alive.
The title has NOTHING to do with what you think it does if you're calling this a Halloween song.

16. Spooky.
Jesus.

Look. I'd consider having a debate about Halloween vs Christmas, but when it comes to the music part...there's no contest.

WE DID IT!

These days, the internet is a buzz with people fighting over what color a dress is, needing to know the latest on Kim & Kanye, and whether or not the "new" Ghostbusters will sit when they pee.

I'm glad to see that we solved ALL of the other world problems. Congratulations everyone! We did it!