I Vote for Cookies!

http://lickrosco.blogspot.com/2008/06/cookie-monster-america.html

Will it be "4 more cookies!" or "A New Cook in the Kitchen" in November.

Here's a blog I wrote 4 years ago about cookies & the Election.

Police - STING!

Is there nothing Sting can’t do? 

Nobody is going to be trafficking Roxanne for sex…except Roxanne herself…(get it?  She’s a whore!)

I wanted to write a blog about my vacation to Aruba…but I don’t want to make you jealous…and more importantly, I don’t have access to my photos at the moment (to help NOT make you jealous).

I also wanted like to write about all of the commitments I have at the moment.  Unfortunately, many of them are not public knowledge and it would sound like I am whining when in accuality, I would be trying to boast about how important I am.

So instead, I’ll tell you a quick little story:

About 2 weeks ago, right before I left for Aruba, my iPod died.  I have terrible luck with these damn things (read the tale of my previous dead iPod HERE - what are the odds?  And on the day AIDS was cured!)

Story of The Cure For AIDS

Julie gave me her iPod and told me to go ahead and wipe it clean allowing me to load my music on.  What a sweetheart!  So I totally did it!  But I kept some of her music too.  Which is how I up driving down the road blasting The Muppets theme song followed by "Girlfriend in a Coma." 

I have just hit shuffle and these are the first 20 songs that played…

1-Joseph Smith American Moses from The Book of Mormon.  Speaking of AIDS!

2-Cigarette by Ben Folds Five.  There is always a good chance a BF5 song will play when my iPod is on shuffle as most of my iPod is Ben Folds.

3-Missing Piece by The Forces of Evil.  This is a side project from 3 of the current members of Reel Big Fish.  Basically it’s Reel Big Fish, but Aaron Barrett gets to say “fuck” a lot more!  He feared RBF was breaking up and started this band.  RBF is playing in Lancaster this month.

4-Scott’s a Dork (Skacoustic version) by Reel Big Fish.  What are the odds right?  This song is about Scott Klopfenstein, the former trumpet player for the band (I know, I can’t believe he’s not in RBF anymore either).

5-The Real Me by The Who.  Quadrophenia bitches!

6-Bulletproof by La Roux.  Honestly I don’t think this is one of either Julie or mine.  Maybe it came with the iPod?

7-The Sunnyside of the Streets by The Pogues.  Irish.  

8-Dig My Grave by They Might Be Giants.  I remember when Erick bought Apollo 18 from Wee Three Records.  We listened to the shit out of that album.

9-(What’s So Funny ‘Bout) Peace, Love & Understanding by Elvis Costello.  There really is not a bad Elvis Costello song. 

10-Mrs Robinson by Simon & Garfunkel.  The greatest incomplete song ever written.  I love that the first half of the song is “missing.”  

11-Country Girl from The Ultimate Pickin' On Neil Young: The Fiddle & The Damage Done - A Bluegrass Tribute.  I have a bunch of these!  Not just of Neil Young either...

12-Badd by Richard Cheese.  Cover of the Ying Yang twins tune.  You should all own at least 1 Richard Cheese album.

13-Richard by Frank Mackey & The Keltic Cowboys.  More Irish (see song #7)

14-Violent School by The Dead Milkmen.  I dated a girl in high school that turned my on to The Dead Milkmen.  I have been to at least 3 of their “last” shows.  This song is from 1985, yet it’s message sounds like it was meant for today…guess things haven’t gotten better in the world in 25 years.

15-Magic by Ben Folds.  Told ya (see song #2)

16-Brown Eye Girl (Live) by Van Morrison.  The quintessential summer song.

17-Daydream by the Wallace Collection.  This song has been sampled by multiple rap groups.  I don’t find sampling to be an “unoriginal” artform, but when multiple groups sample the same song…

*There’s no reason you should know this song.

18-C’est la Mort by The Civil Wars.  Translated “that’s death.”  But such a beautiful song…about death.

19-Tommy Overture by The Who.  Very difficult to listen to this song and not then decide to listen to the rest of the album.  But alas I have 1 more song until I can take my iPod (Julie’s) off shuffle.

20-That’ll be the Day by Buddy Holly.  Oh Charles Hardin Holley.  You fucking rock!

 

Kind of an eclectic mix…though my music clearly dominates Julie’s...maybe I did erase it all.

___________________________________

 

As I finish writting this blog Christian Brothers by Elliott Smith comes on.  Julie's music is alive and well...even if the people playing it aren't.

The Banana Split (with 0 pregnant women)

Saturday I was in Philly for an improv workshop and then I had 2 shows at night.  Rather than going home, I stayed and had an impromptu picnic with Jim & Alex.  They made a nice salad and we sat in a Penn Treaty Park near the river in the NoLiBs section of Philadelphia. 

The weather was amazing!  But to make the day even better, there was an ice cream truck playing his “ice cream truck” music as we walked into the park.  I asked Alex if the truck will be there when we were done eating.  I’m not sure why I deemed Alex the authority on the procedures of ice cream trucks, but she assured me it’s always there. 

As we were finishing the salad, the ice cream truck pulled away.  Dammit!  Thus began my quest to find a banana split…part 2.

Let’s take a trip back in time, shall we?

A while back I had a hankering, which is what you have to call it when you suddenly want a banana split out of the blue.  My buddy Andrew knew this, and called me from (the now defunct) Golden Castle in Delaware at 2 in the morning.  I drove and met him only to find out that they do NOT have banana splits.  They didn’t even have sundaes but the waitress was kind enough to use a bit of ingenuity to pull a sundae together (including microwaving chocolate sauce).

It wasn’t great, but the effort more than made up for it.

I’m not really even a big fan of banana splits.  I think, in my entire life, I MIGHT have had 5.  And that’s a big “might” (thus the capitalization).  But recently I have been eating a lot of bananas; and though yes – I am lactose intolerant - I love ice cream!  So sometimes the craving creeps up and I am a captive to my own vices so…

…back to Saturday.  After leaving Jim & Alex, I met Emily in South Philly.  She had just seen an improv class show and joined me in my quest to find a banana split.  First I looked in the window of a candy shop.  They sell ice cream, but since I didn’t see a line of people eating them, I assumed they didn’t have them.  After all, I had sat in traffic coming from NoLiBs to South Philly while a “Pot Parade” went by (true story).  And if there are a bunch of stoners in the area, they are definitely going to have the munchies and search our banana splits.  There were none in the candy store…so they must have no BS’s.

INT. THE FOURTH STREET DINER - AFTERNOON

Me:  “Do you have banana splits?”

4^th St Diner Employee:  “No, sorry.”

Me:  “Do you have banana bread?  I’m desperate.”

4^th St Diner Employee:  “No.”

Me:  “My wife is pregnant and really wants one.”

Emily glares at me.

Emily:  “We’re not married.”

Me:  “OK, we live in sin.  But that doesn’t change the fact that she still wants a banana split.”

4^th St Diner Employee:  “Try Häagen-Dazs”

Me:  “Is that that thing you do when giving birth?”

4^th St

Diner Employee looks confused.

Emily:  (to 4^th St Diner Employee) “I’m not pregnant.”

FADE TO:

INT. FROZEN WATER ICE PLACE- AFTERNOON

Emily, who surprisingly has not given up on helping me yet, continues with me to a frozen water ice place.

There’s a long line, but no one seems to know how a line works, so I but in front…

Me:  “Do you have banana splits?”

Frozen Lady:  “No.”

Me:  “Any idea where I can get one for my pregnant wife?”

Emily, who is learning, is still way in the back of the line.  She’s ducked down hiding now.  I try to point her out but fear that the Frozen Lady thinks I was pointing to a fat balding man.  I don’t correct her, but it bothers me the rest of the day.

Frozen Lady:  “Johnny Rockets?”

Me:  “Is that that thing you do when giving birth?”

CUT TO:

INT. JOHNNY ROCKET’S - AFTERNOON

We walk into Johnny Rockets.  We sit at the counter.  I look at the menu and quickly see they have no banana splits.  Come on!

Me:  “Any chance of getting a banana split for the old preggers battle axe here?”

Waiter:  “Huh?”

Me:  “Do you know where the Häagen-Dazs is?”

CUT TO:

INT. THE CANDY STORE - AFTERNOON

Me:  “Do you…”

Emily:  (cutting me off) “Do you have a banana split for my platonic friend?”

The girl behind the counter looks at us weirdly.

Me:  “She’s into chicks.”

Girl:  “We don’t.  But if you buy a banana across the street we could make one.”

Me:  “At the tattoo parlor?”

Girl:  “The convenient store.”

Me:  “Oh.  That makes more sense.”

CUT TO:

INT. CONVENIENT STORE - AFTERNOON

I pick up a banana.

Me:  “Are these things OK for pregnant broads to eat?”

Emily:  “I’ll have a pack of cigarettes and a beer.”

CUT TO:

INT. THE CANDY STORE (AGAIN) - AFTERNOON

I hand over the banana.  The girl takes it and goes to make a banana split and turns back…

Girl:  “Oh.  We don’t have chocolate sauce.”

Me:  “Can’t you take some chocolate and melt it?”

Girl:  “Do you have a lighter?”

Me:  “I’ll take an ice cream cone.

Emily:  “Quitter.”

CUT TO:

INT. – TATTOO PARLOR – AFTERNOON

I am sitting eating my ice cream cone while it drips all over.

Me:  “Give me a banana split.”

Tattoo Artist:  “Banana split?  Is that that thing you do when giving birth?”

THE END

Also, I performed two shows that night after eating a TON of ice cream.  And I barely crapped my pants.

THE THE END

Also, most facts were changed to protect the innocent. 

THE THE END END

Also, they were out of banana tattoos!  DAMMIT!

FIXED

YES! 

God Bless the great "Thinkers" in the I.T. Dept!!!

They were able to salvage EVERYTHING from my computer, including my journal. 

No word yet on whether they are getting me a pretzel.

LOST: Journal & Free Pretzels

So my computer crashed.  Not my glorious Mac at home.  But my shitty PC at work.  Seriously with the PC’s!  I lost EVERYTHING!  Not my work stuff, as that’s saved on a network.  But everything on my desktop, which includes (but is not limited to) my journal. 

A guy who keeps a journal?  Yeah.  I have a shitty memory.  So sue me.

Here we are May 18^th and I lost EVERYTHING I did since December 31^st 2011.  It’s like I’ve done nothing at all!  “Hey Kevin, remember when we…”  Nope.  But I’ll you’re your word for it.  There is something freeing about “living forward.”  However it still leaves me with a shitty memory (I had future plans written on the journal).  So now I’m certain to miss a few things - apologies in advance.

Now, I’m debating starting a new journal.  Maybe I should revive the art of long hand.  I used to write one that I stopped just about the time I got married (10 years ago in two weeks).  One of my last writings was in the Florida Keys.  Next week, Julie & I will be in Aruba for our anniversary.  I still have the same journal.  Maybe I’ll just start it back up as if nothing happened.  Someday my kids will read it and ask, Dad, what did you do for 10 years?”  I’ll be able to look them in the eyes and say “I honestly don’t remember.”

As stated above, I also used the journal as a calendar to schedule things.  Like going to the beach which I haven’t done in two years – yes I was on a beach for about 30 minutes last summer when Kerry came along and made us leave (she’s not invited to Aruba).  There are other things too; important things on that calendar.  “Like what,” you ask?  I DON’T KNOW!  I CAN’T REMEMBER. 

This is a lesson for me.  Not to back up my computer – although I had to completely redo my resume because of the loss (can’t continue working for a company that has such shitty computers) – but to stretch out my memory a little bit more.  Maybe I have too many crutches.  Maybe these little things are contributing to my terrible memory.  I could do a little experiment and go without calendars and journals and such for a few weeks…but my fear is I’ll forget it’s an experiment and just keep living an uninformed life.

To make matters worse, my work place discontinued “Free Pretzel Friday.”  That’s a bummer.  It was one of my favorite vices for the week.  I’m hoping that my two problems cancel each other out and in about two weeks time, I completely have forgotten about the “Free Pretzels.”

Wait, what was I saying?

The ART Game

Driving into work this morning, I saw gas was $4.19 a gallon at a gas station.  This is where we are heading - but while we’re heading there, let’s look at some pricey art!

Some of these pieces sold recently at auction (mostly Sotheby’s).  Can you match the art work with the price tag? 

(Answers will be posted in the comment section)

Francis Bacon's "Figure Writing Reflected in Mirror"

Roy Lichtenstein's "Sleeping Girl,"

Roy Lichtenstein's "I Can See the Whole Room!  

Edvard Munch's "The Scream"

Mark Rothko's "Orange, Red, Yellow"

Andy Warhol's "Double Elvis"

Andy Warhol’s "Green Car Crash — Green Burning Car I,"

Ai Weiwei's "Sunflower Seeds”

Ai Weiwei's "Chandelier"
*******************
A - $657,000
B - $782,500
C - $37,000,000

D - $43,200,000

E - $44,882,500

F - $44,882,500

G - $71,700,000
H - $86,800,000

I - $119,900,000