House of Glass(es) - How To Choose A Speaker of the House in 2023

Yesterday should have seen the swearing in of the 118th United States Congress.

This happened for the Democratic run Senate, but the Republican lead House of Representatives found itself in chaos. Rep. Kevin McCarthy of California, who has long positioned himself for the Speaker of the House position, saw his dreams slip through his fingers as he failed to gain the 218 votes needed to win the Speakership. In fact, he failed three times! 

This has not happened in over 100 years!

BUT, most people don't know, there are many weird and archaic rules that govern the government! The House of Representatives might have some of the weirdest!

As Rep. Matt Gaetz from Florida waged his war on Kevin McCarthy, some bizarre rules started to come to light. One of the strangest is as follows:

Rule 72 (9-c): pursuant with House rules, if a speakership cannot be decided after three continuous votes, the first member of the sitting body who eats their own glasses shall take up the title.

Apparently, many of the "would be" participants heard about this rule last evening, as they all jockeyed for position.

Being cheered on by some supporters, Kevin McCarthy started going to town on his reading glasses.

Rep. Steve Scalise from Louisiana, who many believe will end up being the Speaker of the House, said in a statement, "The only glasses I am interested in, are the commemorative drinking glasses for Puss in Boots, available at participating Popeyes® Louisiana Kitchen and the drinking glasses for Avatar: The Way of the Water available for a limited time at Chick-fil-A."

Rep. Jim Jordan from OH, who pretended he wasn't interested in the Speaker role, tried to eat his glasses right off his face without anyone noticing. He failed on both attempts.

Rep. Jim Banks from Indiana was seen eating his monocle which was mistaken for the statement "Eat the Rich." As such, he was immediately disqualified and removed from the Republican Party.

Rep. Andy Biggs from Arizona thought it would be funny to eat a pair of oversized clown glasses. However, none of his oversized clown colleagues were laughing. Also, his eyes were bigger than his stomach. 

Rep. Lauren Boebert from Colorado (not sure which planet), didn't understand the assignment. Instead she ate a Hearing Aid. Luckily, an Executive Order on Promoting Competition in the American Economy by President Biden, saw this hearing aid available over the counter, without a prescription. At least SOMEONE is still governing for the people.  

And of course, not to be out flanked by his cohorts when TV cameras are around, Matt Gaetz also attempted to eat a pair of glasses. However, his pair belonged to a minor who he had been sending money to for "things," which apparently isn't against the law, but it also didn't gain him the speakership.

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It's fucking insane that one of these assholes will likely be two heartbeats away from the Presidency. 
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By the way, if you were wondering if this practice has ever been used before to determine the Speaker of the house, the answer is yes! But that speaker had the decency to cover her mouth.

A Happy New Year's Day at Hershey Park

On New Year's Day we went to Hershey Park as a family. It's the last day the park is opened until April...unrelated, it's 62 degrees today!

While Julie, Kit, and I stood in the long line to purchase our tickets (I know, we didn't buy them online) a park employee approached and asked the line, "Who here is just buying tickets?"

My assumption was that everyone in line was. But like a proper grade schooler, I raised my hand. She then waved her hand to me and a woman stepped out from behind her, with her daughter in toe. That young girl was about Kit's age.

"We have these three tickets we'd like to give you," she said to us. WAIT! WHAT?!?

Her son is a Hershey Park employee and he had three remaining complimentary tickets that would expire at the end of the day. This kind woman: Got dressed, got her daughter out the door, and came to a very crowded amusement park (did I mention it was about 60 degrees that day too?) simply to give away these tickets.

She could easily have said, "Oh well" and simply thrown them in the trash. But here she was, on the first day of the new year, doing something incredibly selfless.

Julie asked if we could Venmo her, which this kind woman immediately declined. We thanked them profusely, but it all happened so fast, that we never asked for their names.

Literally the kindness of strangers.

I have seen many posts and news stories that would lead you to believe "2023 is starting off terribly." But I can't disagree more.

Inevitably we'll all suffer great defeats, losses, illnesses, and even deaths that will affect us deeply. Unfortunately, that is reality of living regardless of the year printed on your Otter Calendar.

But, not even a full 24 hours into a brand spanking new year, I have a renewed optimism regarding humanity. Many thanks to these kind strangers for helping kick off our 2023 in such a pleasantly surprising way.

Wishing you ALL many more highs than lows and a very Happy New Year!

THAT's WHAT's UP!

I am as guilty as anyone of overusing the word, "Awesome."

Every time someone posts something positive on social media, my initial response is, "Awesome."
And now occasionally, "Amazing."
But both of them, I use WAAAAY too much.

Starting today, and running through the rest of the year, I am going to comment, "That's what's up!"


POST: She said yes!
MY COMMENT: That's what's up!

POST: This fall we'll be introducing a new member to the family!
MY COMMENT: That's what's up!

POST: Holy Shit! Agents are bringing people out of Mar-A-Lago in handcuffs!
MY COMMENT: That's what's up!


Please don't think that I am in any way being sarcastic if I leave this comment on one of your posts. It's just that I want to convey my feelings about your news in a positive way with out saying "Awesome."

I don't know how people will react to this, but me...I think...that's what's awesome. Shit! Fuck! Dammit! It's a hard habit to break.  

Fuck Your Hobby

The right to bear arms, along with nine other amendments, was adopted in 1789. This is when life expectancy for a white man was about 38 years. Of course these lazy gents needed something to occupy their remaining days, as life sounded pretty freaking boring before the 1800s.

Forget smart phones and video games, 1789 was before baseball was invented (1839). Before ice hockey was invented (1875). Before basketball was invented (1891). Before football was invented (1920). Before the wide popularity of 18 hole golf as we know it or bowling. Before film was invented (1895) and porno films (soon after film). The piano was still in its infancy and the drum kit wouldn't be invented for over a hundred years. Even the first national selling beer, Budweiser, wouldn't come out until 1876. There were not a lot of things to do recreationally besides fucking, fighting, and shooting guns.

But here we are almost two and half centuries later and that strange need for guns is still so important to some people that even the murdering of children is not enough to sway their opinions. I don't know, man. Maybe you just suck at having fun, but there has to be a better way than this.

 

A LONG, LONG WEEKEND!

Sometimes it's hard to remember what I did over a weekend. There are a lot of times, when Monday morning rolls around, it doesn't seem like I did much of anything. THIS was NOT one of those weekends!

I figured I should put it down in writing, so on those "lazy weekends" I can remember why the LAZY is so desperately needed!

FRIDAY:

Normally my work day is 6am to 2:30pm. However, there was nothing normal about Friday April 8!

I started off filming a safety program for "Slips, Trip, and Falls." On this particular day, we were working on the OFFICE version. I don't typically like to film on half days, as there's not time to get much done. However, I wanted to at least get a handful of shots "in the can," so I could edit them Monday morning. 

That box is heavier than you think!
(Actually it's empty)

I was only working a half day, 6-10am. I had another commitment elsewhere.

My daughter's principal was hosting "An Ice Cream Social" at the school and they needed parent volunteers to help hand out the ice cream to the students (as well as sorbet - yay VEGAN!).  

This is our John Hughes photo. Very "Breakfast Club."

We were heroes to those kids! Thanks to Scoops of Media for the ice cream/sorbet.

There was about a hour of school left after all of the ice cream was handed out (those poor teachers!) So I had time to kill. I walked around Media for about 45 minutes.

It was nice and not something I get to do as regularly as I'd like to during the week.

"Walking around media" consisted of getting coffee at Cafe Isla and a shit load of candy at Games on State. the arcade on State Street.

Once Kit's school ended, we went home and walked the dog. Then, I headed to Fan Expo (previously Wizard World) in Philadelphia for the first of three very different shows this weekend (two of which were at Fan Expo).

I played NerdProv with ComedySportz (in our NEW uniforms!)

Always one of my favorite matches of the year, and this one was special.

With the exception of Remark with Kristin & Mike, and a performance of Roll Play in late December with Shaun, I hadn't performed with any of these fine people in a very long time!

It was my first ComedySportz match since March 8, 2020!
That was 761 days ago!!!

After the match, many of us hung out on the exhibit floor...after all WE'RE at Fan Expo!

SATURDAY:

We had a slightly early start to Saturday morning as we needed to get Kit up, breakfast, and dressed in her softball uniform for her team photos at 9am, AKA pure chaos! I forgot, as a coach, I had to get a photo too! I met the team's head coach to get MY uniform.

TWO NEW UNIFORMS THIS WEEKEND!
(You'll have to tune back in for THOSE photos once we get them).

Then Kit and I hightailed it over to her theater class at the Media Theater (still in her softball uniform). We were about 10 minutes late. If you know me, you know this is worse than being stabbed in the gut to me!

I then had down time as I waited for Kit's class to end. I walked to the softball field, where Kit's softball league would be having Opening Day ceremonies in the afternoon.

They found that their American flag was missing! So, as the Media Area Girls Softball board prepped the field for Opening Day, I ran to Deal's in Media and bought a lot of American flags! I even helped hang them and the MAGS banners. If they are crooked, you know who to blame.

That's not crooked, that's the wind blowing!

Then, after Kit's class, we went grocery shopping since she was staying over Grammy's house that night.

I made Kit & myself lunch as Julie did our taxes. Then I took the dog for a walk.

Kit and I packed the car for her sleep over AND went back to the softball field for Opening Day!

Kit wanted EVERYONE of these balloons!

The Opening Day was filled with a bounce house, Easter egg hunt, and hanging out with friends! A very welcome return to normalcy that these kids have been missing for the past two years.

The mayor even threw out the first pitch...twice. He wanted a do-over. 

Robert A. McMahon - Mayor of Media, PA

I then took Kit straight to Grammy's. "The Greatest Showman" immediately went on the TV and I headed home to shave my beard into a mustache...

It was for a show that night, I swear!

City Theater had been hired by The Delaware Contemporary to help with their fundraiser. 

So Kerry and I developed and performed "An Art Heist."

This was an absolute JOY! Some of these people I hadn't performed with in many, many years! Who do you think stole the painting?
(*It was determined by the patrons)

After the show, Julie and I drove home from Wilmington. I staved off my mustache. We couldn't find anywhere to eat a late night dinner. So we drove BACK to Delaware and went to Home Grown in Newark. Good thing gas is so cheap!

After dinner we went home and fell asleep many times during Saturday Night Live.

SUNDAY:

(*It ain't over yet!)

Awoken by a puking cat, we feed the animals and decided to take advantage of having the house to ourselves and watched like 4 episodes of Parks & Rec.

We took the dog for a walk and found the sun to be a big fat liar as it was much colder than the thermometer indicated. It was a quick walk.

Julie went to pick up Kit and went to my third and final show of the weekend...back to Fan Expo to do a recording of Remark in front of a LIVE audience.

THIS was also the first time, in the two years of doing Remark, that Kristin and I (and Mike) were in the same room!

It was an awesome, dare I say "exhausting," weekend.

I got to see some dear friends, reconnect with people I haven't seen in two years, and meet many new faces! Including Harley Quinn.

I also behaved and barely spent any money at the various events I attended...except the $1100 I spent on gas!

One Step Closer...Coming For You, Luca Brasi!

 

Luca Brasi lunch box? No.

But we're getting closer...

My Complex Feelings Towards Boba Fett

 

Back around the beginning of 1999, I wrote a piece about my strong dislike of the Star Wars character, Boba Fett. I say "piece," because this wasn't a blog post. In fact it was pre: Facebook Notes, Blogger, UJournal, MySpace, and even Friendster. I also say "piece" as it is quite the piece of shit. Even now I loathe much of my writing as soon as I write it. So you can imagine my feelings for something I wrote almost 25 years ago! BUT, I do like a few of the things I mentioned in it.

The gist of the piece was that it's okay for nerds to go against "popular nerd opinions." My unpopular opinion, was that Boba Fett was a one dimensional character, a "filler character" as I originally described him, who had achieved unwarranted hero worship. I went on to say:

I don’t see why everyone goes crazy for this guy (Boba Fett).  He’s a bounty hunter, but so is Luca Brasi from the Godfather.  I've never seen anyone carrying a Luca Brasi lunch box in my life.

(*A quick, modern Google search, which didn't exist in the 90s, yielded zero results of "Luca Brasi lunch boxes." So if you're looking for something unique for your Etsy store...)

I also debunk the belief that Boba Fett should be credited with the capture of Han Solo. 

Boba Fett does deliver Han Solo’s body, frozen in carbonite, to Jabba the Hutt.  However, he didn’t actually capture him.  Darth Vadar captured Solo, and if you really want to get literal Lando Calrissian actually captured his friend Han.  Nice friend.  Boba Fett was simply in the right place at the right time.

This remains true.

Back around 2009, when I was a co-host of the podcast "You've Got Geek on You," I even added that I will give Boba Fett due respect for standing toe to toe with Vader when he told him "He's of no use to me dead." But this diplomacy, while brave and admirable, doesn't really account for Hasbro pumping out a shit ton of action figures with his likeness. I mean, you don't have a figure of Llewellyn Thompson sitting on a shelf collecting dust, do you?

(*This Dennis Miller-esque reference also required "Googling")

I continued with this sound gem:

Valentine's Day is coming up...let's say you have your secretary call and order flowers for your wife, but you merely sign your name.  Should acne-covered kids in arcades across America wear t-shirts of you?

(*Remember arcades?)

You can see why I am cherry picking and NOT posting the whole "piece," right?

The intention of my original writing still holds true, it's okay to go against the popular culture opinions of the day. Fans LOVED Boba Fett, I didn't. Not until 20 years later when another fan, named Dave Filoni, came along and gave a back story and dimension to this previously flat character in The Clone Wars cartoon. I loved the backstory and emotional motivation that was brought to the young Boba Fett. I cheered when he showed up in The Mandalorian. And now, I am enjoying the hell out of the deeper exploration of the character in "The Book of Boba Fett" series. Yet, ironically, many of those original Fett fans are starting to level their hatred towards the series, ostensibly for the same reasons I love it.

I'll keep watching. I'll keep being opinionated. And I'll keep looking for those Luca Brasi lunch boxes.