"I Forgive Myself"

 

One of my favorite philosophies, which I've learned from Improv, is the concept of "I forgive myself." There's NO FREAKING way I'd currently be performing one of my favorite musicals, on stage, if it weren't for embracing this tenet.

Performing and teaching improv has (almost) cured my stage fright...which, in high school, was damn near crippling. I have been a member of ComedySportz Philadelphia for the past 12 years. I have been teaching improv for the past 7 years. I freaking love it!

Through this sometimes maligned art form, I have grown to realize my fear was never "looking stupid on stage." As a comedian or entertainer or just a damn fool, that's kind of part and parcel to making people laugh. In fact, my low-rent super power is to convert people laughing at me into people laughing with me. Obviously a defense mechanism (also going back to high school). I've learned that much of my fear came from letting down those around me. My cast mates or fellow performers. If I drop a cue line, how does that affect their performance? THAT had long been my fear of stepping on stage in a scripted format. With Improv, there are no cue lines. There is no script. You accept ("yes"), you amplify ("and"), and you continue to tell the story...together.

But how do you take what you learn from improv and insert it into a scripted performance? By learning how to forgive yourself in the moment.

Last weekend, as we opened Assassins at City Theater in Wilmington Delaware, I new I was as prepared as I could possibly have been. I knew the script forward and backwards. The scenes. Two monologues. The songs. BUT, as sometimes can happen in a live setting, I slipped up. I transposed a line in a song... which happened to be a huge cue line for the rest of the cast. Collectively they salvaged my mistake, but I was so disappointed in myself. THIS is the FEAR come to life!

But then I said, "fuck it." I could sit there and let it eat at me for the rest of that performance, which will undoubtedly kill the mood every time I walk on stage, or I can do what I've learned from Jason Stockdale, Dave Jadico, Alli Soowal, Mary Carpenter, Kristin Finger, Don Montrey, Emily Davis, Darryl Charles, Sue Taney, Jon Colby, Steve Roney, Jim Burns, and a myriad of other teachers I've study with over the years and simply say "I forgive myself" and move on.

I'm not going to tell you it's easy. It's not! Quite the contrary. It takes a shitload of practice! But, since I fuck up a lot, and I'm old, I have to be damn close to my 10,000 hours needed to master it.

It works on as well as off the stage: Forgot to make the coffee, I forgive myself. Ran out of time before mowing the lawn, I forgive myself. Haven't showered in 3 days, I forgive myself...though those around you mind take exception.

The day after my error, I was back on stage in another performance. To alleviate it happening again, I was laboring over that part of the song. Jim Burns, who I have worked with on shorts, web series, improv shows, and various stage performances was helping me. After working it for a bit bit he finally said, "Okay. Don't over do it, or it becomes a thing." That advice greatly complimented the "I forgive myself" philosophy.

When that moment in the song came up, I concentrated on the words, but let go and didn't over complicate it. Everything went completely fine.

Forgive yourself. Also, if you can. get a Jim Burns in your life!

A LONG, LONG WEEKEND!

Sometimes it's hard to remember what I did over a weekend. There are a lot of times, when Monday morning rolls around, it doesn't seem like I did much of anything. THIS was NOT one of those weekends!

I figured I should put it down in writing, so on those "lazy weekends" I can remember why the LAZY is so desperately needed!

FRIDAY:

Normally my work day is 6am to 2:30pm. However, there was nothing normal about Friday April 8!

I started off filming a safety program for "Slips, Trip, and Falls." On this particular day, we were working on the OFFICE version. I don't typically like to film on half days, as there's not time to get much done. However, I wanted to at least get a handful of shots "in the can," so I could edit them Monday morning. 

That box is heavier than you think!
(Actually it's empty)

I was only working a half day, 6-10am. I had another commitment elsewhere.

My daughter's principal was hosting "An Ice Cream Social" at the school and they needed parent volunteers to help hand out the ice cream to the students (as well as sorbet - yay VEGAN!).  

This is our John Hughes photo. Very "Breakfast Club."

We were heroes to those kids! Thanks to Scoops of Media for the ice cream/sorbet.

There was about a hour of school left after all of the ice cream was handed out (those poor teachers!) So I had time to kill. I walked around Media for about 45 minutes.

It was nice and not something I get to do as regularly as I'd like to during the week.

"Walking around media" consisted of getting coffee at Cafe Isla and a shit load of candy at Games on State. the arcade on State Street.

Once Kit's school ended, we went home and walked the dog. Then, I headed to Fan Expo (previously Wizard World) in Philadelphia for the first of three very different shows this weekend (two of which were at Fan Expo).

I played NerdProv with ComedySportz (in our NEW uniforms!)

Always one of my favorite matches of the year, and this one was special.

With the exception of Remark with Kristin & Mike, and a performance of Roll Play in late December with Shaun, I hadn't performed with any of these fine people in a very long time!

It was my first ComedySportz match since March 8, 2020!
That was 761 days ago!!!

After the match, many of us hung out on the exhibit floor...after all WE'RE at Fan Expo!

SATURDAY:

We had a slightly early start to Saturday morning as we needed to get Kit up, breakfast, and dressed in her softball uniform for her team photos at 9am, AKA pure chaos! I forgot, as a coach, I had to get a photo too! I met the team's head coach to get MY uniform.

TWO NEW UNIFORMS THIS WEEKEND!
(You'll have to tune back in for THOSE photos once we get them).

Then Kit and I hightailed it over to her theater class at the Media Theater (still in her softball uniform). We were about 10 minutes late. If you know me, you know this is worse than being stabbed in the gut to me!

I then had down time as I waited for Kit's class to end. I walked to the softball field, where Kit's softball league would be having Opening Day ceremonies in the afternoon.

They found that their American flag was missing! So, as the Media Area Girls Softball board prepped the field for Opening Day, I ran to Deal's in Media and bought a lot of American flags! I even helped hang them and the MAGS banners. If they are crooked, you know who to blame.

That's not crooked, that's the wind blowing!

Then, after Kit's class, we went grocery shopping since she was staying over Grammy's house that night.

I made Kit & myself lunch as Julie did our taxes. Then I took the dog for a walk.

Kit and I packed the car for her sleep over AND went back to the softball field for Opening Day!

Kit wanted EVERYONE of these balloons!

The Opening Day was filled with a bounce house, Easter egg hunt, and hanging out with friends! A very welcome return to normalcy that these kids have been missing for the past two years.

The mayor even threw out the first pitch...twice. He wanted a do-over. 

Robert A. McMahon - Mayor of Media, PA

I then took Kit straight to Grammy's. "The Greatest Showman" immediately went on the TV and I headed home to shave my beard into a mustache...

It was for a show that night, I swear!

City Theater had been hired by The Delaware Contemporary to help with their fundraiser. 

So Kerry and I developed and performed "An Art Heist."

This was an absolute JOY! Some of these people I hadn't performed with in many, many years! Who do you think stole the painting?
(*It was determined by the patrons)

After the show, Julie and I drove home from Wilmington. I staved off my mustache. We couldn't find anywhere to eat a late night dinner. So we drove BACK to Delaware and went to Home Grown in Newark. Good thing gas is so cheap!

After dinner we went home and fell asleep many times during Saturday Night Live.

SUNDAY:

(*It ain't over yet!)

Awoken by a puking cat, we feed the animals and decided to take advantage of having the house to ourselves and watched like 4 episodes of Parks & Rec.

We took the dog for a walk and found the sun to be a big fat liar as it was much colder than the thermometer indicated. It was a quick walk.

Julie went to pick up Kit and went to my third and final show of the weekend...back to Fan Expo to do a recording of Remark in front of a LIVE audience.

THIS was also the first time, in the two years of doing Remark, that Kristin and I (and Mike) were in the same room!

It was an awesome, dare I say "exhausting," weekend.

I got to see some dear friends, reconnect with people I haven't seen in two years, and meet many new faces! Including Harley Quinn.

I also behaved and barely spent any money at the various events I attended...except the $1100 I spent on gas!

The Wave - 10 Years Ago

Kevin, Jim, and Gordon (Joel took the photo)

In March 2006, four friends got together to grow mustaches and curse a lot on camera.

That's the story of The Wave.

But the story actually began on July 18, 2002.

That was the day Vincente Padilla and the Philadelphia Phillies lost to Matt Clement and the Cubs...Oh, and my car got towed.

Joel Rickenbach, my partner in yelling at the Phillies, and I took in an afternoon game at the now defunct Veteran Stadium. We saw Bobby Abreu hit not one, but two triples scoring Ricky Ledee each time (admit it, if you've ever heard it before, Ricky Ledee was a name you never expect to hear again).

Joel and I sat in left field behind Pat Burrell. In between innings, a pretty blonde from the stands would talk to him. We'd later realize that pretty blonde was his (then) girlfriend, local soccer star Heather Mitts.

Jim Bunning was on hand to make a special guest appearance, but the Phillies offense wasn't. They lost 6-4.

Joel and I slowly walked back to my "secret parking spot" where I had been parking for free for many years. An old abandoned Supermarket parking lot. Not much of a secret as many other people parked there too. I presume they were also towed as well.

This forced Joel and I to take a taxi to Roxborough to get my car out of the impound. I forget the total cost of the taxi and impound, but I still maintain my years of free parking made up for it.

I now hightailed it down Rt. 76 to get Joel to his shift at Movies U Buy on time. As we were heading South, I waved in a car that was merging from an on ramp. The guy flew on to the road never waving or even acknowledging me. I became irate saying that him not waving was the same as cutting me off. Joel defended the guy...to an extent. That night I went home and started writing "The Wave."

Fast forward to the next Spring 2003 (I think). Somewhere footage exists of a few scenes showing a wildly different version of the short film starring myself, Jim Brett, and John Tatarelli Jr. The shoot ended up getting rained out. On top of which, Joel & I were not in love with the camera rig we were using at the time. We decided to scrap the whole thing...

Sabrina recently sent me these photos. I'm not sure if I forgot they existed or never knew in the first place
(Sabrina took these photos)

...at least until the end of winter 2006. I had been hanging out with Jim Burns and Gordon Holmes through various City Theater shows. Julie & I were also getting ready to move into a house. Boxes were packed, but that wouldn't stop us from growing out some sweet facial hair and trying again.

This was late March. In fact it was Saturday March 25 & Sunday March 26. I know this because the South Park episode, The Return of Chef aired on Wednesday March 22, 2006. And the word "Jewbs," would become synonymous with this shoot...at least until a little graffiti appeared at our final location.

The script was pulled out of mothballs, a few extra "fucks" were added, and we were ready to go!

On the 1st day of shooting:

Gordon:

This script has the eff word in it a lot.

Kevin:

Too much?

Gordon:

Maybe we should pull back a bit.

Kevin:

Good call.

We didn't. In fact, we added WAAAAY more eff words!

Gordon getting a "fuck" count between takes.

And off we went!

1st day of shooting with our fearless director.

Second day of shooting, was windy as hell.
Also you can see that cast is also crew...and apparently trying to "mic" Jim's butt.

Last shot of the film!
(I made that up, this was the 2nd day though)

Overall, I enjoy the piece. It might not be the greatest thing we've done, but we were still learning what the hell we were doing. Plus, the shoot itself gave us great, and sometimes embarrassing, memories like Gordon, Jim, and I going out in public with our mustaches since we were in the middle of a 2 day shoot.

As previously mentioned, while on the parking garage we encounter some graffiti that would become an inside joke to me, Joel, Jim, and Gordon for the rest of ours lives. And I'm now sharing it with you. It'll mean nothing to you, nor should it. But when the phrase "Cold Titties!" pops in my head, it stirs up a joyousness that only this picture can truly capture:

I am extremely grateful for the time spent filming and generally screwing around with Joel, Jim, and Gordon on this and many other projects.

I can not believe it's been 10 years since we embarked on this weird adventure. And I'm fairly certain I can speak for Jim & Gordon when I say that we miss the hell out of our friend Joel, but no one misses those mustaches!

#100DaysOfSelfies #9 All You Need Are Kites.

#100DaysOfSelfies #9 All You Need Are Kites

This Friday night (that's tomorrow!!!) October 3rd at 8pm JOE TRAINOR AND CITY THEATER COMPANY PRESENT "COME TOGETHER"

The shows is tomorrow. Have you bought tickets? You can still BUY YOUR TICKETS NOW at: World Cafe Live at the Queen

I'll be singing "Being For The Benefit of Mr. Kite" and Julie will  be singing "All You Need Is Love." Put them together and you get this:

#100DaysOfSelfies #8 Four Eyes x Two

#100DaysOfSelfies #8 Four Eyes x Two.

This Friday night October 3rd at 8pm JOE TRAINOR AND CITY THEATER COMPANY PRESENT "COME TOGETHER"

Only TWO days left before you can SEE COME TOGETHER at the Queen! The booze will be flowing so raise your GLASSES! This promises to be, quite the SPECTACLE. 

OK! No more glasses puns.

I really should have this picture of me and Dylan FRAMED!

BUY YOUR TICKETS NOW at: World Cafe Live at the Queen

#100DaysOfSelfies #7 The Shining...Off Our Bald Heads

#100DaysOfSelfies #7 The Shining...Off Our Bald Heads

This Friday night October 3rd at 8pm JOE TRAINOR AND CITY THEATER COMPANY PRESENT "COME TOGETHER"

Like Henry the Horse, I learned to Waltz...not from Lew (pictured). He only does the LAMBADA (AKA, the forbidden dance...I think he also does Riverdancing. I'll get back to you on that)

BUY YOUR TICKETS NOW at: World Cafe Live at the Queen

#100DaysOfSelfies #6 The Beards

#100DaysOfSelfies #6 The Beards.

I'll attempt a "theme week" of sorts in my gratuitous self promotional blog.
Friday night October 3rd at 8pm JOE TRAINOR AND CITY THEATER COMPANY PRESENT "COME TOGETHER"

This Beatles tribute show features some of my ABSOLUTELY favorite people singing Beatles songs...also, THIS GUY! I'll sing AND dance (double threat!)
You: "Kevin, you don't sing,. And you don't dance."
Me: "No shit buddy!" BUT I DO THIS NIGHT!

Thanks to Joe Trainor for including me & Mr. Kite. Thanks to Sarah Davis for not only teaching me to dance, BUT also being my dance partner. Thanks to Mr. Righteous Jolly (pictured) for all the beard growing tips...

BUY YOUR TICKETS NOW at: World Cafe Live at the Queen

#100DaysOfSelfies #4 The BEATLES Rehearsal

#100DaysOfSelfies #4 The BEATLES Rehearsal.

Tonight Mr. Kite is topping the fucking bill!

Seriously, you should see this show.

More info at www.city-theater.org