Showing posts with label Freddie Mercury. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Freddie Mercury. Show all posts

Friday, April 6, 2018

"They're Gonna Put Me In The Movies..."

On January 31st, I saw a listing on Facebook for an alleged casting call for Creed 2. It asked for participants to fill out some information and include a head shot.

This is the "head shot" I sent:



This photo was from a few years ago when I shaved off my beard. As men are required to do, I took lots of other photos from each stage of shaving, which included both a Charlie Chaplin (NOT Hitler!) and Freddie Mercury.

Sending the 
photo and info to the casting agency was meant as a joke. Though when I posted about it on FB, I had a couple of my friends, Dana & Todd, reach out. Since they both have connections in "the Biz," they asked if I wanted them to get me background work on Creed 2. Seeing as Dana was something like 13 months pregnant and Todd was going through some family issues, I declined not wanting either of them to waste their time on one of my flights of fancy.

Then I immediately forgot about it.
Until I was contacted via email a few days later.


The emailed went something like this:

Kevin
 
We reviewed your application and the information that you submitted online; so far so good! What we need to do next is schedule a time for you to come in for an initial evaluation.
 
This appointment is an opportunity for us to meet with you and determine if you'd be a good fit. Timing is everything so the sooner we get you in the better.
 
I do have appointments with Ms. Bryant, the Office Director of our South Jersey location, available this Saturday at 1:00p or Monday at 7:00p.
 
During the evaluation we will get measurements and take a couple snapshots. This is not a competition but be aware that other talent may be present during this initial process.
 
Email me back ASAP with the appointment time that is best for you. We look forward to meeting with you; make sure to smile!

Sincerely,
 
Janelle
 
P.S.: Email me even if these times don't work, I may be able to work something else out for you. 

I say "something like this," because I deleted THAT first email, but have since received another 5 or 6 pretty identical emails. As well as 11 text messages. Yes. ELEVEN!



The texts come from 3 different phone numbers, but are always from "Kim."

The company is called Nine9 Modeling & Acting. A quick Google search tells you that, while the agency is legit, they also have some less than legit business practices. Such as putting out "casting calls" for movies that are already been cast. 

Their MO is to bring in "talent," one or two times. THEN tell them they need "representation" which they offer...for a fee. Which is bizarre, because all representation worth a damn is percentage based on work an agent gets you (per SAG/AFTRA it's 10%).

I did find this from Nine9 posted online:


"...only 1% of aspiring models and actors are signed by agencies. We...represent the other 99% of talented individuals looking to find their place in this industry...we do tell everyone during our initial open call about our enrollment and monthly fees..."



Look, I'm not going to pretend that I wouldn't LOVE to do Background or Featured Extra Work if my schedule and financial responsibilities would allow it (most of the time they won't). And while I admit almost nothing is free, this preying on people's dreams just seems disingenuous.


But hey, Nine9 can continue to send me text messages. Because as I said, "almost nothing if free," my unlimited text plan is, since it's a perk included in my phone service.

Thursday, September 12, 2013

Mustaches & Mustard Gas!

It's Friday!  Time to play everyone's favorite GAME SHOW, "Mustaches & Mustard Gas!"

Can you tell the difference between the 80s icon and the merciless despot?  

Remember, points are worth double in this round...also your family can be drug out into the streets and shot!



Let's begin:
(scroll down for answers)

1. 

Look at that winning smile and those clean teeth.  
This MUST be a movie star right?


















































Maybe not a MOVIE star, but he has been getting quite a bit of TV time lately.  It's Bashar al-Assad, the Despot of Damascus.  This Syrian 'Stash Sporter is quite the gas at parties!









2. 

Hmmm...that deep dimple looks ominous.  
And is that a military flight hat (AKA a garrison cap) I see in the background?


















































Why that's Chappy Sinclair!  Louis Gosset Jr's character from Iron Eagle.  Don't let that militant demeanor fool you, Chappy takes Doug Masters under his wing (hey-o!) to fight a country holding his father hostage.

SIDE NOTE:  While researching this, I learned that the soldiers who wear garrison caps have another name for them..."cunt caps."

True story.  Look it up.









3. 

Look at those cheek bones.  This guy must be a ruthless leader of men and ardent "bedder" of women...

















































Did you guess despot?  

Then "Another One Bites The Dust."  That's Queen frontman, Freddie Mercury.  I'm fairly certain he never wore a "cunt cap."  

True story.  Look it up!









4. 

I'm sure this guy is all about guns!


















































And by "guns" I mean a Magnum!  

P.I. that is.  

Detroit Tigers hat, Hawaiian shirt and a Ferrari, though in this photo, Tom Selleck only needs his iconic 80s 'stash to be properly I.D.'d.









5.

Is that a "duck face?"


















































Well, it sure is!  As in, "You better fucking duck or Saddam is going to shoot your ass!"

You can call what he's wearing a beret, but that right there ladies and gentlemen, is a goddamn CUNT CAP!









How are you doing so far?  

5 for 5?

GREAT!  Let's keep going:









6. 

I'm getting a Hannibal Smith from The A-Team feel on this one. 

"I love it when a plan comes together..."



















































And that "plan" of course, is to play an international game of "chicken" with John F. Kennedy in 1962.  

Oh, Fidel Castro, you minx!









7. 

Come on!  Everyone knows this dictator...


















































It's "The Great Dictator!"  

I know what you're thinking, "Kevin, Charlie Chaplin isn't an 80s icon!"
Sure he is!  He was born April 16, 1889.  

The old Tramp trick.

SIDE NOTE:  This is a NO HITLER Game Show









8. 

Sex appeal...


















































Nice!  Who is that rugged movie star?  

Joseph Stalin you say?

The Russian dictator who is responsible for the deaths of between 4 million and nearly 10 million, not including those who died in 
famines?

Oh.

Great.

Umm...

...nice scarf, I guess.









This game just gotten a bit awkward, didn't it?









9.

So what did this asshole do?



















































...How about a little something called "Smokey & The Mother Fuckin' Bandit!"

and the Cannonball Run movies.

Burt!

Legend.








Last question...










10.

This is a MOTHER FUCKING terrorist...


















































...to every hitter in Major League Baseball from the 1970s through the 1980s.

Rollie Fingers.









So, Mr. Assad, the next time you're thinking of putting the smack down on your own people, just remember you don't need to resort to chemical warfare.  

Some well placed mustache wax and a hard biting sinker will usually do the job.