Facebook

Long before the Cambridge Analytica scandal, I have been trying to find ways to kick my nasty Facebook habit. More than my fear of data mining (which I'm not particularly fearful of), I loath the timesuck that the social media platform has become in my life.

About 3 weeks ago, I removed the Facebook app from my phone. This isn't the first time I've done it, but it's the first time I've done it so easily. Sure I still use Twitter and Instagram on my phone, but I never seem to fall as deep into the rabbit hole using those platforms.

The second thing I did, was "unlike" almost EVERYTHING on my Facebook page. A friend of mine recently said she's deleting her artist page to concentrate more on her website. This inspired my mass "unliking" of pretty much everything, including pages for friends endeavors (bands, artist pages, improv groups).

I'd rather see my friends posting about what they're working on ,or an event they're having, on their own pages in their status updates (from my desktop of course). Maybe it's silly, but it just seems so much more personal and intimate, which was one of the things I loved about Facebook from the outset.

Finally, speaking of those Events, I looked into ways to remove ALL event invites from my account. Unfortunately, you can only block people individually. This is rather unfeasible, so instead I'll continue to ignore Event invites as I have been (as well as most of you) for the past 2 or 3 years.

I will however make this promise, I'll personally stop using them.

When I have an event I am interested in sharing, I'll just put the details with a link in my status update. That way people don't:

• a. get bombarded with Event invites that they have no possible way of going to (sure, I'd love to see your improv show in Los Angeles this Thursday at 10pm)
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• b. feel bad, and almost singled out, when they can't make it to an Event.
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• c. get buried under so many Event invites that they miss out on things that they actually WANT to do.

...and if you don't see my status update, hey, it's no different than how most of us no longer even look at Event invites.

I still like Facebook, and continue to think, overall, it's a terrific way to stay connected with friends and family when people are extremely busy. I just no longer want it controlling my life.

"I miss seeing your pictures of Kit!"

The weather's getting warmer. Come hang out on my patio and see her IRL.
There's your invite. No Event needed.

10 Caan Shirts, 1 Is A Lie

This craze is apparently setting Facebook on fire over the past 3 days.

Here's a list of 10 Caan Shirt photos...although, one is a lie (as he's not wearing a shirt). See if you can figure out which one.

#TenCaanShirts

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

10

My 2nd Biggest Fear About Facebook

My biggest fear about Facebook, is I miss my daughter's life by spending too much time on it. That's the main reason I removed it from my phone. This way I am forced to either completely remove myself, by going on the computer in my office while at home, or ignore Facebook all together.

I'm not the perfect father, as I still have access to Twitter, Instagram, and the ComedySportz Facebook page on my phone (Hey, I gotta a job to do). BUT I don't have a way to go browsing around Facebook.

My SECOND biggest fear about Facebook, is my final post. Because sooner or later, you'll write your final post. Which brings us to the story about Matthew DeRemer. He was killed by a drunk driver on New Year's Eve, but not before posting this to his Facebook account:

Last day of 2015!!!! For me I'll be meditating through all I do, on this entire year. I've lost, I've gained, family is closer and tougher than ever before, loved ones lost, and new friends found. There has been many times where I've been found on my knees in prayer for hours (relentless) and other times leading a group of people in prayer, my faith (that I love to share) is an everyday awakening (to me) that people, lives, and circumstances can change for the better OVER TIME. I look back at 2015's huge challenges that I've overcome, shared with others, and have once again found myself... To say thank you and BRING ON 2016, much works to be done!

And I really don't know where I'll end up tonight but I do know where I windup is where I'm meant to be😋

Though it's a bit "Jesusy" for my liking, it's a very nice sentiment. Then the poor soul was killed when an asshole wouldn't contain his partying to himself.

I hope that Mr. DeRemer's family & friends are able find some peace in his elegant words. 

Matthew DeRemer also posted this Meme.

ONE DAY. So true.
And, ONE DAY, you will write your last post on Facebook. My hope for you is that your final post, which comes many many years down the road, is as heartfelt as this.

Though more than likely your loved ones will be left with this:

5 Facebook Updates I Don't Want To See Ever Again

#1 People making Universal Decrees as if Mark Zuckerberg invented the social media platform specifically for them.

The End.

Seriously, post whatever the fuck you want.

A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words, Even If You Only Read The Caption

I'm not going to get into the politics of the story out of Ferguson, MO other than to say that a lot of news organizations have been lifting photos of Michael Brown (out of ANY context) from his Facebook page.

This has lead to the rise of a twitter hashtag movement called #IfTheyGunnedMeDown

Which photo of you would the news media use if YOU were the story?

This is a serious discussion that needs to be analyzed by far greater people than a guy who basically tells dick jokes. BUT......

What if I was gunned down?
There sure are a LOT of options the lazy media could rip from my Facebook page.

Here are a few and the justifications:

1. Guns.

This type of photo is ideal. Also, I am clearly threatening a police office. So if I was shot by the police (whether justifiable or not), they could run this one to show my complete lack of respect for law enforcement.

2. Tattoos.

The media has a field day with tattoos. As if, some of the most respected people in society don't have tattoos. But a threatening photo like this will scare people indoors to watch hours of CNN.

3. Violence (Against Women).

Sure it's possible she was asking for it (she was!) But there's no back story to a picture. At least not when you don't bother to do ANY research whatsoever.

4. Violence (Against Children) AND possible Zombistic Behavior.

OK. You got me on this one. But babies are delicious!!!
I had been BIG into the new Jonathan Swift diet. Lost 15 pounds in just a week.

5. Stealing Aborigine's Souls.

Fuck 'em! They aren't going to read this anyway. Also, can you even be sure that's me?
Of course you can, because I only own 1 dress shirt.

6. Cults.

A photo that shows one engaging in cultish behavior.
You ask, how damning is a picture like this? "Try Again Later."

7. Drinking.

What better way to tell if someone is known to have poor judgement from time to time?
*SIDE NOTE - If you consider THIS a dress shirt, I have two...and I wear this one in multiple photos here.

8. Drinking +

Sometimes showing one drinking is not enough.
You must also show the subject 15 years younger...
...with green hair...
...and a jacket that is too big.

It also helps if their belt hangs about 3 inches too low.

9. High Tech Weaponry.

Because guns don't always sell your story. How about a photo with militarized weaponry? Or a plastic fork and some strategically placed party hats?

10. A Prison Photo.

The creme dela creme, is being able to tie them to past indiscretions. A mugshot or photo of them in prison is HUGE!

It's important in this busy day and age, to just make assumptions based on a photo or a headline. Look we don't have time to get to the bottom of things. That's how we stay on top! On top of what? I don't know, because I forget what we were talking about.

But hey, check out my web series The Clink at www.theclink.net

Diminished Numbers

In 2009, I wrote a mere eight blog entries.  It was the year after the Phillies won the World Series, so it's possible I spent much of the year in drunken celebration.

In 2010 I had 30 entries.  Double digits!  Most of these were posts around Christmas.  Clearly, I didn't feel like working.

In 2011, 43 entries.  If my blog was a publicly traded company, these "upticks" would be a very good sign of potential growth.  There was an entry titled, "Rashes, Ticks & Chicks Who Perform Surgery."  I don't remember what it was about, but I'm sure it's sexy and barely safe for work.

2012 would see 51 entries!  WOW!  Even I am impressed.  Almost 1 a week.  I must have taken off while I was on vacation.

So I assume 2013 was quite the boondoggle, right?  Nope.  Seven.  Seven fucking blog entries!  Well, eight including this one.  I have reverted back to my 2009 numbers, and the Phillies haven't done a goddamn thing.

I keep telling myself, it's because I'm busy.  I wrote and produced a musical this year...and other stuff too.

There actually has been a lot of "other stuff," but I am finding that "Facebooking" takes up WAY more time than it should.  Clearly it's cutting into my blogging.  This can't happen!  I need to keep up the blog entries, as my laziness will eventually see me turn a bunch of old blog posts into a book, who would buy a book of a bunch of stupid Facebook posts?

"Chapter one, What The Fuck Is With All Of This Traffic?"
"Chapter nineteen, Look At What I Had For Fucking Dinner."
Finally, "Chapter Twenty Six,  FUCK (fill in political figure, party and/or agenda)!"

Apparently, I say "Fuck" a lot on Facebook.

So I admit, 2013 is a wash.  Like the current Phillies season, there's no coming back from this mess.  Instead I'll just attempt to keep sharp for my comeback in 2014.

Victor Hugo gets his period

How about a period you son of a bitch!

Though it's NOT the longest sentence ever published in a novel (many claim it is), Les Miserables does contain a sentence with 823 words.  No wonder the fucker is like 1400 pages!

"The son of a father to whom history will accord certain attenuating circumstances, but also as worthy of esteem as that
father had been of blame; possessing all private virtues and many public virtues; careful of his health, of his fortune,
of his person, of his affairs, knowing the value of a minute and not always the value of a year; sober, serene,
peaceable, patient; a good man and a good prince; sleeping with his wife, and having in his palace lackeys charged with
the duty of showing the conjugal bed to the bourgeois, an ostentation of the regular sleeping-apartment which had become
useful after the former illegitimate displays of the elder branch; knowing all the languages of Europe, and, what is
more rare, all the languages of all interests, and speaking them; an admirable representative of the “middle class,” but
outstripping it, and in every way greater than it; possessing excellent sense, while appreciating the blood from which
he had sprung, counting most of all on his intrinsic worth, and, on the question of his race, very particular, declaring
himself Orleans and not Bourbon; thoroughly the first Prince of the Blood Royal while he was still only a Serene
Highness, but a frank bourgeois from the day he became king; diffuse in public, concise in private; reputed, but not
proved to be a miser; at bottom, one of those economists who are readily prodigal at their own fancy or duty; lettered,
but not very sensitive to letters; a gentleman, but not a chevalier; simple, calm, and strong; adored by his family and
his household; a fascinating talker, an undeceived statesman, inwardly cold, dominated by immediate interest, always
governing at the shortest range, incapable of rancor and of gratitude, making use without mercy of superiority on
mediocrity, clever in getting parliamentary majorities to put in the wrong those mysterious unanimities which mutter
dully under thrones; unreserved, sometimes imprudent in his lack of reserve, but with marvellous address in that
imprudence; fertile in expedients, in countenances, in masks; making France fear Europe and Europe France!
Incontestably fond of his country, but preferring his family; assuming more domination than authority and more authority
than dignity, a disposition which has this unfortunate property, that as it turns everything to success, it admits of
ruse and does not absolutely repudiate baseness, but which has this valuable side, that it preserves politics from
violent shocks, the state from fractures, and society from catastrophes; minute, correct, vigilant, attentive,
sagacious, indefatigable; contradicting himself at times and giving himself the lie; bold against Austria at Ancona,
obstinate against England in Spain, bombarding Antwerp, and paying off Pritchard; singing the Marseillaise with
conviction, inaccessible to despondency, to lassitude, to the taste for the beautiful and the ideal, to daring
generosity, to Utopia, to chimeras, to wrath, to vanity, to fear; possessing all the forms of personal intrepidity; a
general at Valmy; a soldier at Jemappes; attacked eight times by regicides and always smiling; brave as a grenadier,
courageous as a thinker; uneasy only in the face of the chances of a European shaking up, and unfitted for great
political adventures; always ready to risk his life, never his work; disguising his will in influence, in order that he
might be obeyed as an intelligence rather than as a king; endowed with observation and not with divination; not very
attentive to minds, but knowing men, that is to say requiring to see in order to judge; prompt and penetrating good
sense, practical wisdom, easy speech, prodigious memory; drawing incessantly on this memory, his only point of
resemblance with Caesar, Alexander, and Napoleon; knowing deeds, facts, details, dates, proper names, ignorant of
tendencies, passions, the diverse geniuses of the crowd, the interior aspirations, the hidden and obscure uprisings of
souls, in a word, all that can be designated as the invisible currents of consciences; accepted by the surface, but
little in accord with France lower down; extricating himself by dint of tact; governing too much and not enough; his own
first minister; excellent at creating out of the pettiness of realities an obstacle to the immensity of ideas; mingling
a genuine creative faculty of civilization, of order and organization, an indescribable spirit of proceedings and
chicanery, the founder and lawyer of a dynasty; having something of Charlemagne and something of an attorney; in short,
a lofty and original figure, a prince who understood how to create authority in spite of the uneasiness of France, and
power in spite of the jealousy of Europe, — Louis Philippe will be classed among the eminent men of his century, and
would be ranked among the most illustrious governors of history had he loved glory but a little, and if he had had the
sentiment of what is great to the same degree as the feeling for what is useful."

Please note facebookers, at no point does he refer to what he ate for lunch.