Happy Left Handed Day!!!

Today is Left Handed Day.

Which is a bitch if you suffer from Sinistrophobia (the fear of things at the left side or left handed people). This is NOT the same as Sinestrophobia, which is the fear of the Green Latern's arch nemesis, Sinestro. Who, as chance would have it, is left handed (at least in this photo).

Many drawings of Sinestro, depicted him as being right handed. Perhaps he was Ambidextrous. 

So who are some other popular "southpaws" you ask?

Let's start with a handful of Presidents:

Gerald Ford packed his pipe with his left hand. No word on whether his two LEFT feet were the reason he fell multiple times on the steps to Air Force One.

Ronald Reagan, like Sinestro, was Ambidextrous (and possible an enemy to The Green Lantern). Many photos reveal The Gipper writing & throwing a football with his right hand, however according to the NRA, he's a lefty (NOT a leftist!)

George HW Bush was known for his 1000 Points of Light speech. He'd use THIS fist to knock ALL 1000 of YOUR lights OUT!

Bill Clinton was left handed. We know this from his well documented fingering...OF A SAXOPHONE! (Jeez!)

Current President, Barack Obama is alright with me...even though he's a lefty. Here he is signing The Affordable Care Act into law, much to the chagrin of The Right.

Studies show that around 90% of people throughout the world are right handed. 

While about 30% of the population experience something called cross-dominance of mixed-handedness. This is the change of hand preference between tasks, like throwing a ball with your right hand, but hitting a ball with your left (this is more likely what Ronald Reagan was).

And finally there's Ambidexterity, which results in being able to do any task equally well with either hand. This is what all of your asshole friends claim to be, but most of them aren't.

There was a time when left handedness was seen as weak, even evil! The actual word "left" comes from the Anglo-Saxon word "Lyft," meaning "weak."

Yet some of the strongest rockers throughout history had to string their guitars upside down.

Yet the fear of being left handed was so strong in Rock and Roll, that Rick Allen removed the temptation completely.

From wikipedia: 

In many religions, including Christianity, the right hand of God is the favored hand. For example, Jesus sits at God's right side. God's left hand, however, is the hand of judgement.

Which means God has a wicked backhand (and a Swiss accent)!

Proof that God & Roger Federer are one in the same.

In my research, I found the age old question about left handedness on Yahoo Answers, the greatest source of entertainment (if not inaccurate information).

The responses varied, but my favorite came from a douche bag named "Euthyphroozelah."

It would seem Euthy believes all "left handed" people are in fact, homosexual. My research found quite the contrary:

In fact, this left handed heterosexual guy has bedded 1000s of women throughout his career. But in truth, much of his work I've seen, he uses both hands to get the job done.

Though left handed people make up merely 10% of the world's population, 30% of baseball players hit from "the other" side of the plate. 

So they have THAT going for them, however lefties have a higher risk of psychosis. So it's probably best to just fear and avoid them. 

But hey, if you are a lefty, enjoy your special day...while having ink all over your hand!

Saturday Night Live (40 Years And Counting...)

Saturday Night Live debuted about 3 weeks before I was born.

My first recollection of the show was on March 12, 1983 when Buckwheat was shot. I was a little more than 7 years old and didn’t yet grasp the concept of parody. The now famous sketch aired almost 2 years to the day after President Ronald Reagan was shot in similar fashion.

I wouldn’t start watching Saturday Night Live more religiously until around the time NBC aired the miniseries AD (March 31-April 4, 1985) and SNL did a running gag throughout the episode. “Caesar does not bring me this glove himself?” WHACK WHACK!

But it would be the cast of the 12^th season that would seal the deal for me. Dana Carvey, Nora Dunn, Phil Hartman, Jan Hooks, Victoria Jackson, Lon Lovitz as well as holdover from season 11, Dennis Miller collectively worked together to bring me back week after week. A. Whitney Brown and Kevin Nealon were merely featured players at that time.

My parents bought a video camera in 1987 just in time for Christmas.

I would film my own sketches with my brothers Brian and Erick, which were mostly shittier versions of the sketches SNL did the week before. My buddy Jim would spend many Saturday nights, which might explain why to this day, our conversations still invoke Steve Amadbenbrassier (from the “Iran’s Most Wanted” sketch).

By the time 1994 rolled around, I was convinced I would someday be a writer on Saturday Night Live. I wasn't brazen enough to think I’d be a cast member. After all, I had terrible stage fright.

Fast forward to 2015. Though, I obviously have never written for Saturday Night Live, I have done an awful lot with live comedy.  I still think of that kid from 1994, and his stage fright, every time I step on stage and I wonder if he could fathom what he’s done.

So this past Sunday, NBC  aired a live broadcast celebrating 40 years of SNL. I admit, my love for the show has faded over the past decade and a half. Perhaps I’m too old to truly be a member of its fan base, don’t trustanyone over 30 and such. But all the same I was very excited to see all of my comic heroes on one stage.

Neither the kid with stage fright, nor the slightly graying/heavily balding performer, was disappointed with the outcome.

Sure there were some missed cues, but all in all I enjoyed the show. I watched for about an hour and a half before I picked up my phone to see what Facebook and Twitter had to say. I was kind of surprised by how much vitriol and anger I was seeing. Then I remembered, it’s the internet. Did these voices also dream long ago that they’d now be writing for SNL? I decided to close my phone and just enjoy the rest of the show.

I loved all of the inside jokes. Many of them I know from years of reading about what goes on behind the show.

I loved seeing all of the Not Ready For Primetime Playersfrom the original cast. At least all of them that are still alive.

I loved seeing so many SUPER stars who got their starts in studio 8H including Bill Murray, Mike Myers, Adam Sandler, Will Ferrell, Tina Fey.

I loved seeing how humble Chevy Chase, a man who doesn’t usually know that word, was.

I loved seeing the return of Eddie Murphy, no matter how brief.

I even loved seeing Miley Cyrus sing a very restrained version of Paul Simon's  50 Ways To Leave Your Lover, realizing she’s NOT bigger than SNL (something that Kanye West didn’t seem to get).

It’s weird to see a show that is the exact same age as you, grow old. It makes me wonder how many jokes either of us has left. Will SNL go on until Lorne Michaels breathes his last breath? Will it continue even after he’s gone, as an institution to not just television, but comedy? Will I out live it? Is it still waiting around for that kid from 1994?

No matter what the future holds for you, me, Lorne Michaels, angry tweeters or SNL, there’s is one thing that will always remain true:

Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead.