"Analyzing the Shit Out of That One Scene in Superman II Where the Kid Almost Dies at Niagara Falls."

I'm thinking of writing a One Man Show called "Analyzing the Shit Out of That One Scene in Superman II Where the Kid Almost Dies at Niagara Falls."

Before we go any further, it's imperative that you watch the scene.

CLICK HERE TO DO SO!

I have seen Superman 2 at least a couple dozen times. Yet, there is SO much that happens in this scene, that I am still just discovering things 29 years after its release. Things such as the fact that it actually came out 39 years ago! What the Hell?!?

First off, the scene in question seems to take place on the Canadian side of Niagara Falls. I find this to be a bold choice for a guy who allegedly stands for "Truth, Justice, and the American Way."
But this one man show isn't ABOOT that.

Second, what's with the olive green and pink combo Lois is sporting? I know this was 39 years ago, but MAN! could you be any more stereo typical 80s?

This scene lives within the subtle moments. Sure it's great that Clark, to distract Lois from figuring out that he is Superman (because she cleaned his glasses), runs over to save the little kid standing on the railing. The best part is when his mother hits the kid immediately afterwards blaming him for embarrassing her, "here in front of everybody."

It's a nice companion piece for when Superman, in the first movie,  saves the little girl's cat stuck in the tree. This results in her mother smacking her for "lying." Apparently Superman is an equal opportunist when it comes to kids catching a beating. 

(*Also, he should have slapped the girl's mother for letting her kid name the cat "Frisky.")


It seems as though Lois completely missed that this kid was standing on the railing. As a world class reporter you figure she would have noticed something like that. Not only does she not notice it, but when Clark brings it up, she decides she's hungry and ignores the possible lead.

She then sends Clark off to get her hot dog and freshly squeezed orange juice.

We immediately see the kid back at the rail. By "we" I mean the audience, because Lois still doesn't see a goddamn thing. And his mother could give a shit.

To amp it up, the kid is now on the Falls side of the rail!

He says "Hey Ma, look!"

To which his mother says without looking, while eating what appears to be cotton candy, "Uh-huh. Yeah honey, that's nice."

Great parenting. Somethings haven't changed since 1980.

Here's the thing: The kid is the same kid as before, BUT I'm 90% sure that the actor playing the mother is NOT the same actor from seconds earlier! Yes, she's wearing the same shirt, but her hair color AND face look completely different!!!

Did she get fired in between shots? This film crew means business!

Also, the man she's with (presumably the boy's father) is looking at a map, which is helping distract her. WHAT MAP?!? Like, why would you need a map at Niagara Falls? Is there REALLY anywhere else you can go?!?

Lois then takes a picture in the vicinity of where the kid is endangering himself. Perhaps she's taking a photo of him, though it looks like she's taking a picture passed him...of random people I suppose. Which would mean Lois is kind of a creep. BUT AGAIN, she sees this kid is goofing around and SAYS NOTHING!

Lois Lane hates kids. Or at least this particular one.

Then, as the kid is falling, Lois screams "Help!" 

To be fair, she says "Oh my God," and then screams "Help." However, her lips seems to say something closer to "Holy Crap" instead of "Oh my God."

Now, let's be honest, it's too fucking late. Unless you're calling for someone to fish out the body, what's the point in yelling "Help!" Superman. That's the point...but wait...

Once Lois yells help, the parents run to the rail realizing it's their kid whom such misfortune has befallen. But NOT before the mother EATS ANOTHER FUCKING PIECE OF COTTON CANDY?!? WTF!!! You can see it at 2:31 in the clip posted above.

Also, I get the concept of "suspension of disbelief" and all, but this kid falls for 23 second before Superman catches him!

23 SECONDS!!! 

I did some quick Google Sleuthing (Is that a term? Should be), and found that it takes approximately 2.5 seconds to fall 100 feet. Niagara Falls, at its tallest point, is 176 feet. Meaning that by the time Supes shows up, that kid has, at the very least,  been soaked for about 19 seconds. And probably dead for at least half that amount of time.

Hell, Clark doesn't even make his move to change into Superman for 10 full seconds!!!

Please note: Fantastic Falling dummy at the 2:40 mark!

The absolute best part of all, is ALL of the commentary by the crowd. They all have some little things to say including:

"Do something!"
"It's Superman!"
"What a nice man!"
       and
"Of course he's Jewish."

What's that now?

Yes, there's some older sounding woman who comments, "Of course he's Jewish."

I realize the link I posted above is shaky and may very well have been filming a TV in someone's Rec Room, where their old Jewish grandmother lent her own commentary to the scene. Therefore, I have ANOTHER source of said scene right: HERE.

Yep. It's in there. This made me so happy!

After that nice Jewish superhero saves the kid (again), his mother once again yells at him. Pulling at his arm she says, "You're going to get it!" Another beating no doubt.

Also, I'm fairly certain it's back to the original Mom!

The scene cuts off, but if it were to continue, we'd see Lois piece together the fact that Superman and Clark are never in the same place at the same time.

You'd also get to see Clark Kent steal hot dogs. Yeah, I know, he leaves some change. But, even in 1980 dollars, a few shekels ain't enough for 2 hot dogs! 

And why isn't anyone working at the hot dog place?!? I know that the excitement of Superman having just been there was in the air, but when Clark walks back to Lois, everything is back to normal!

Like people don't give a fuck that Superman just saved an ungrateful kid's goddamn life!

So what, did the hot dog vendors up and quit? Did they too jump over the railing in hopes that Superman would save them?

When the kid says "Again, again," Superman does say, "Sorry, only one ride per customer." Did the vendors take him up on the offer? AND, more importantly, did he fall down on the job?!?

Clearly there are a lot more things to discuss, which is why this really calls for a One Man Show...

...or maybe a Podcast. A Podcast completely devoted to a single four minute scene. Hmmmm....

Targeted Advertising

Let's talk about Marketing & Advertising and whether it works.

You fast forward through commercials every chance you get, right? Even in Podcasts, I attempt to scrub through ads (editing term), knowing I'll likely miss some of the Podcast if I don't do it precisely. I just don't care what is being advertised.

In the works of Bill Hicks, "...if anyone here is in advertising or marketing....kill yourself."

EVEN if the copy is read "on the air" by the talent, I fast forward through it.

Look, Paul F. Tompkins and Conan O'Brien have better commercials than anyone else! But I am predisposed to NOT listen to it! It's hardwired in my lizard brain. The same lizard brain that Ad Agencies hope to engage with advertising.

And targeted advertising is THE WORST!

My Facebook feed is FILLED with ads for women's underwear. (Speaking of taking advantage of lizard brains)

Yes, I have bought underwear for my wife online. Have I bought so much that I see at least 3 ads a day? My wife would be the first to tell you, NO! (I need to buy her more things).

I mean, all things considered, I don't mind seeing women in underwear. Butt (<-- see what I did there?), I don't think I have EVER clicked on one to purchase said underwear!

This is one of my favorites:

This is a woman, in her underwear, getting a gift of MORE UNDERWEAR! 

I can only assume the person who gave her this gift (Husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, fellow bookclub member) thought, "Hey...you've been siting around in the same pair of underwear for the past 3 months...maybe some new ones?"

Perhaps underwear is just her thing, ya know?

"Hey, there goes underwear lady. How's it going underwear lady? Off to get some new underwear?"

THIS is the type of targeted advertising that drives me crazy though!

Like when I bought a car from D'Ambrosio in Downingtown, PA. The guy who sold me the car emailed me twice a week for about two months to see if I was in the market for a new car...starting THE WEEK AFTER I BOUGHT THE FUCKING CAR!

I should hope not, buddy!

He finally stopped when, two months after buying my car, my key FOB died. I emailed him back on one of his threads and asked if they'd replace it. He informed me I'd need to reach out to the manufacturer and offered no additional help.

I never heard from him again. Want the email thread?

I also am fascinated by targeting advertising that MISSES THE FUCKING TARGET!

I have, in emails, been propositioned by the Republican National Committee, or more to the point, the Trump Campaign, to donate money to a man I have fought again since the first time he ran for office (and lost...why doesn't anyone seem to remember that?)

I just delete those emails, but am baffled how they have ended up with this liberal on their email list.

Perhaps some of those lady underwear ads I previously claimed to have never clicked?

But more so are the targeted ads that miss by a little...

This B-52's GroupOn ad is a prime example!

The offer is now Sold Out, however I received this a few weeks ago. Now I rarely click through to GroupOn offers. But I actually thought this would be a lot of fun...AND it's under $40!!! I'm in!

Just one small problem: this show is in Greensboro, North Carolina!!! What the fuck?!?

If you then go through the tedious leg work (ie click another button) to get to the Philly show, it's almost 50% more expensive! Sure $60 is not a terrible price to pay to see the B-52's, but it's a hell of a lot more than the $37.75 I was led to believe it would cost.

I think my favorite ad right now, is this one:

I have seen this more than once. And every time I do, I try to figure out, WHAT DOES THIS PHOTO HAVE TO DO WITH GETTING A LOAN?!?

I'm assuming this a woman on a ski trip and not some weird Bukkake Wintery Forest Getaway. So is the ad implying I can get a loan to go on a ski trip? It specifically mentions mortgages, so are they recommending I buy a cabin?

The line, "Don't worry, we're experts," is what gets me. Experts at what? Randomly matching non sequitur photos with your ads?

Look, I know that ads aren't going away, and for the most part I don't mind them. It's just that most times, they feel more like a shot in the dark as opposed to a thought out strategy that an algorithm is programmed around. 

And I'm also well aware that simply Googling a word can completely change the algorithm used to advertise to you. Which is why I wish I had had more confidence regarding the spelling of "bukkake" above.

Yes, We All Have Podcasts (Please Listen To Mine)

Yes. It's true. Everyone has a Podcast.

When you're born, you're now given a Social Security number and a podcast.

Steve, Eoin, Jessie and I have been doing this podcast EVERY week for almost a year (with a special guest each week).

You should listen. Seriously. I think you'd fuckin' love it!

And if you do listen, SHARING and/or REVIEWING it would be much appreciated.

iTunes LINK

Soundcloud LINK

Stitcher LINK

Link LINK (Unrelated to Podcast)

The Punch Up Podcast - Episode 11: The Iron A

A new episode, must be Monday!

Steve has a way of taking you back in time, and he doesn't even need to hit 88 mphs!

The Punch Up Podcast Episode #10: The Poster

This might be my favorite episode! (Though, they all might be)



Look at this photo while you listen:



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"Elvis, And The Million Dollar Quartet"

For anyone who has been following this blog AND my podcast "Elvis, And," I am eternally grateful!

We have a new (mini) episode today, which I am particularly fond of! Give it a listen if you have a few minutes. I assure you, it'll become a holiday tradition.

"Elvis, And The Million Dollar Quartet"

Elvis, And The Colonel

LISTEN TO EPISODE 3 OF "ELVIS, AND" HERE!!!

If you've been listening to the Elvis, And (you haven't, I track the numbers), this one is slightly different. Elvis himself doesn't show up until 20+ minutes into it. That's a first for us!

Instead we track the rise of, soon to be Elvis manager, Col. Tom Parker. Parker was a colorful character, who as Brendan points out in the opening monologue, may have killed a man (like Ty Cobb...only Cobb DEFINITELY killed a man!)

Parker manipulated Elvis (not unlike the rest of E's "hangers on") but the difference was his "friends" didn't want to suck him dry, while The Colonel did just that! It's a widely held belief among Elvisphiles that the Colonel was a contributing factor to putting Elvis in an early grave (well, and the drugs).

We don't go nearly this dark in the episode, but if you've got the time, give it a listen.
AND if you like it, please share it...and who knows, maybe leave us a review?

The Elvis, And - Podcast

When I was writing The Clink, a web series I wrote with Brendan Carr, Joel Rickenbach, Jim Burns, and occasionally Andrew Mitchell, Brendan would often regale us with entertaining stories about Elvis Presley.

Brendan had been a guest star on a previous web series I produced with Joel called The League. 
Editor's Note: Brendan is the Magician

That's when I found out that he and I shared a common love for the King of Rock and Roll...it's rather obvious Brendan is a fan of 50s music, because he looks like he probably rolled with Carl Perkins and the like.


Each week we'd all coax Brendan into sharing a new twisted tale to ease us into our writing sessions.

Joel and I had been doing a podcast called "You've Got Geek On You" (an homage to Shaun of the Dead's, "You've got red on you, did you know that?") The show has since been shortened to simply "You've Got Geek." We asked Brendan to join the podcast because of his unique voice and veracious love of ALL things "Geek."

Week after week, long after The Clink had wrapped, Brendan and I would recount various strange Elvis stories. We'd talk about doing a special "You've Got Geek" episode or maybe even a podcast of it's own, specifically about the man we called, "E."

Things got busy, life got crazy and my short sabbatical from the podcast turned into 2 years.

Then, last fall, Brendan and I went out for drinks. We discussed the podcast and talked of structuring it like an Improv montage. (Brendan had turned my on to MANY character driven Improv podcasts such as Comedy Bang Bang and Superego). This would almost be a homage to those podcasts...or, Elvis willing, a podcast to sit among my favorite shows on iTunes.

I recruited various comedian/actors to come play the parts. 

The first person I thought of, was Lew Indellini. We had done a play together in early 2014 (immediately following the birth of my daughter). The late night rehearsals, where I was sitting in a corner learning my lines while missing my wife and daughter who were at home, were made easier in meeting Lew and finding out (among other things) that he too was a HUGE fan of podcasts such as Superego. When it came time to cast "Elvis, And" I knew I wanted him on board.
*Editor's Note: He was also once my parents-in-law's mail carrier!

Then, Adam Wahlberg. Adam and I had done various shows, including "Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson," as well as an original musical I wrote with Joe Trainor (of "The Joe Trainor Trio" fame) called, "On The Air." We also did a murder mystery dinner together that was maybe the most amazing, punk rock, murder mystery that ever was! We toyed with doing a web series based on those characters, which I haven't ruled out. Adam also helps me with my "day job." He's been in front of the camera for A LOT of safety reg videos. So of course he's gotta be part of my Memphis Mafia!

Jim McCabe. I have known, "The Voice" since I was 6 years old. In our first meeting, Brendan said, "McCabe for the Colonel, right?" You're goddamn right! Jim also jumped in to do some gratis VO work. I hate asking friends to ply their trades for no payment. But Jim was happy to do it, and even offered to do far more.

Rounding out the cast for season 1 is one of my fellow ComedySportz players, Steve Roney. Steve and I had been working on another project, and when I mentioned "Elvis, And" he said, "Oh that sounds fun." I asked if he'd be interested in doing it and the next thing I knew a microphone was in front of him. Perfect.

Finally, though not a cast member (yet), his presences is felt in EVERY episode, Matt Casarino. He, along with Jill Knapp, provide the rocking rockabilly back bone that is the music of the entire series. From the theme song to the transition music between scenes, Matt was only too gracious to take on every weird (Elvislike) request I had. We now own a monkey together. Seriously, Matt & Jill are a FORCE in the band Hot Breakfast (HOT BREAKFAST!) If you haven't and can, SEE THEM LIVE!

So here we are. The first episode of what I hope will be a fun monthly show for people to enjoy. Episodes are approximately 30 minutes in length. Maybe they help ease a part of your commute during the month. Or give you a laugh while taking a walk on the weekend. Or even just allow you some much needed humor as you unwind at the end of the day.

Taking the Improv tenet of "Yes, And..." and adding a pair of side burns to it, here is the monthly podcast, "Elvis, And." 

Look for new episodes the first of the month through February 2016.

CLICK HERE for Episode 1: "Elvis, And Scatter"

THE ADVICE PANEL

The Advice Panel is here!

"The Advice Panel. You have problems? We have advice. Some of which, might even be useful."

Don Montrey and I, with the help of SOOOOO many others, have been working on a podcast/Live Show for...over a year now (WOW is that even possible?) Actually, when I do a search of my emails, the first time we discussed it was on Oct 11, 2012.  

After ALL that time, we are finally having our first show! Okay...it's our second show. Matt Nelson & Maggy Keegan were kind enough to let us put it up at Figment Theater back on May 9th.

Don is the host. With guests:  

The show is loosely based on the CSz game "Advice Panel." Based in that it's call the ADVICE PANEL, loosely because that's about the end of it. These characters run much deeper than the 4 minute game, bringing this show's running time to approx 45 minutes. 

And as if this wasn't enough, the theme song was written & performed by Hot Breakfast! Delaware's premier acoustic dork-rock power duo. 

The shows are record for a future Podcast.

So, hit us up with for any advice you need:

email: Kevin@ComedySportzPhilly.com

tweet: CSzPhilly #advice

SHOWs (hosted by Don Montrey):

Thursday June 12 at 9:30pm - Jim Burns, Mark Leopold & Joe Sabatino 

Friday June 13 at 9:30pm - Langston Darby, Dave Jadico & Kelly Jennings 

Doors open at 9:00pm at The Playground @ The Adrienne - 2030 Sansom St, Philadelphia PA

#CSz30