FREE GRILL!

This week my dryer died, so my wife and I were forced to purchase a new one. After a lot of research, we settled on a Maytag model from Lowe's that is highly rated by Consumer Reports.

It also had an inordinate amount of positive feedback from it's buyers, with only a couple of grumpy exceptions, such as, "Have fun running your dryer two or three times to get things dry."
This didn't bother me, as I often had to run my old dryer multiple times for optimum dryness. So far, that has not been the case with this one.

But that's not the point.

The point is I got an email yesterday from Lowe's which read:

Dear Kevin,

Congratulations! Your recent purchase on Lowes.com during our MyLowe’s 10% off sitewide promotion has qualified you to receive one free charcoal Google Home Mini*!

Like everyone else I immediate thought two things:

1.) Where's the catch? Because nothing is free.
2.) What the hell is a charcoal mini?

I assumed we were talking about some sort of charcoal grill.

VEGAN CHALLENGE COMPLETED:
Find a photo of a grill that doesn't have meat on it
(Don't zoom in...it probably does)

But what stumped me was the "Google" part.

Does Google make a charcoal grill? I mean, they make everything else, so a grill doesn't seem completely out of the realm of possibility.

But what would a high tech grill look like?

Something like this, perhaps?
But this sure as hell isn't Google.

Or would it just be an update to an already existing product?

The Foreman Grill: Lobot Edition is on sale May 4th ONLY!!!

Odds are it would be a CRAZY high tech grill, most of which's functions I'll never truly understand.

Are those Ghost People? Did Google invent Ghost People?!?

It turns out it's not a grill at all, but rather a speaker which happens to be charcoal. Not sure why they needed to make a big deal out of the color.

So the next party I have, I'll be blasting my music through this bad boy that I got for free!

Though I won't play the music too loud, as we all know what happens when you try to have a good time and some asshole has to make a bid deal out of color.

BBQ Becky: "Hi, my name is Becky.
Can I get that speaker in white?
Like REALLY white?
I only want it to be able to play
Lee Greenwood music."

Top 10 Jobs of 2014 (with a 1940s Twist)

Are you happy in your current job? I actually am, thanks for asking. But so many people are not. Does a bad job change you as a person? Can it make you someone you don't want to be? I know that feeling. I think most people do. 

Though we are only about a little more than a third of the way through 2014, UsNews.com put out a list of the top 10 jobs of 2014. What does that mean exactly? I have no fucking clue, because I didn't read the article. But I looked at the list of jobs. It made me think, would those jobs make me a better person? Or perhaps, would they make a terrible person less...well, terrible?

So I used the most comprehensive science I had at my disposal, Google Images. I typed in the job title and the word "Hitler," and these are the photos I came up with.

1. Software Developer Hitler. 

He doesn't look happier. In fact he looks like he's having a rough time developing an app to make world domination easier. Of course it's $1.00 at the apple store, so fuck that! I"ll wait for the free version. 


2. Computer Systems Analyst Hitler. 

A lot of late nights. Which will likely lead to consumption of copious amounts of fast food, resulting in heart disease and eventually an early death. We did it guys! We killed Hitler! Barry Hitler in the I.T. Dept, but either way that's another parking spot closer to the building! 

*Side note: FG Game is going to be pissed when he hears Hitler uses his desk during "non office hours."


3. Dentist Hitler. 

That's Hugo Blaschke, Hitler's actual dentist. Does he look happy? I guess all dentists are miserable. Also, did Hitler go to this guy because they had the same mustache? That's more than a little creepy.


4. Nurse Practitioner Hitler. 

You gotta love Pinterest. You know Nurse Hitler has an absolutely terrible bedside manner. She yanks band-aids off without a warning and if you think you're getting a lollipop just because you got a needle, you're in for a shock buddy!


5. Pharmacist Hitler. 

Jesus! Isn't Rite-Aid ALWAYS under construction?


6. Registered Nurse Hitler. 

Wait! How is this different than Nurse Practitioner Hitler? By the way Erna Flegel pictured here, was a nurse in Germany in 1943. According to Wikipedia, she was a nurse to Hitler's Entourage. 
Which makes me wonder, it I were to cast Hitler's Entourage, who would play the part of Turtle? Goebbels, right?


7. Physical Therapist Hitler. 

"I can't bend my leg any further, Hitler!" Who hasn't had that thought while going through rehab?


8. Physician Hitler. 

"Yeah he's an abomination of a human being, but he's got late office hours so it's convenient."


9. Web Developer Hitler. 

So far NONE of these jobs sounds fun, but this might be the best picture on the internet!


10. Dental Hygienist Hitler. 

Fuck! Seriously? Maybe I should have googled "Top 10 Fun Jobs."
"Is it safe?"