I LOVE WEDDINGS! LOVE them! Since meeting my wife and starting to date in 1999, we have been to over 50 weddings together! That's a lot of cake I have eaten over the past 16 years. BUT, even more impressive, is that of those 50+ weddings, only 3 have ended in divorce. And two of those couples are still very friendly. Those are Hall of Fame like stats. You're welcome romance! I am 100% pro marriage equality. I honestly can't see why anyone would stand in opposition to it. If you're a fan of the "free market" it would open up job opportunities for wedding planners, florists, cake makers, limo drivers, photographers, videographers, catering staff, dress makers, seamstresses, tux rental outlets, bartenders...the list goes on and on. "I don't want to make a gay cake."
Is it because of the 6 different layers? If you're not up to the challenge, perhaps you recommend cupcakes to the happy couple, instead.
"I don't recognize 'same sex marriage'."
This always puzzles me. How do you not recognize it? Is "same sex marriage" always dressed in disguise.
As I write this, Alabama has become the 37th state to recognize same sex marriage. Even though Chief Justice Roy S. Moore of the Alabama Supreme Court has ordered judges NOT to issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples.
This guy fucking HATES gay cupcakes. Maybe he's a diabetic with minimal self control.
After all, that's what this issue seems to boil down to. The fear of gorging yourself on gay wedding cake or lezzie cupcakes? YOU might be tempted, so everyone else suffers. We all know that old adage, "A moment on the lips, a lifetime having gay sex."
So all of you lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people who's marriages are being blocked, you really brought this on yourselves, by having such tasty and delicious desserts.
For now, we'll just keep the traditional marriage between a man and a woman...who wants to exploit the man (who happens to be a psychopathic murderer and cult leader) by marrying him with the intention of displaying his dead body for profit once he's finally "kicked it."
(EDITOR: You guys totally got that Chief Justice Roy S. Moore wants to eat cock, right?)
So, apparently there is a controversy brewing on the internet. It's been bubbling over for quite some time. No I'm not talking about Syria. But more importantly the song "Blurred Lines" from this guy's son:
I know! I'm shocked it's Alan Thicke's REAL son we are talking about. And not his "phony" son who produced that fantastic superhero franchise that features people flying!
Robin Thicke, T.I. and Pharrell recorded the song "Blurred Lines" for Thicke's album named, originally enough, "Blurred Lines".
There are two versions of the video for the song. One that's not only NSFW ("Not Safe For Work"), but NSFTCSOYM ("Not Safe For The Continuing Sanctity Of Your Marriage").
This guy agrees:
For anyone who has missed it, here is the "tamed down" version of the video:
So here's the thing: Does the video objectify women? Yes. Does EVERY video objectify women? Pretty Much. Should we put a stop to it? Probably, but maybe we should be more outraged that women are still only paid .80 cents on the dollar for the work they do compared to men and they don't get paid leave for pregnancy in the US.
(CUTE FACT: Syrian women get 50 days paid leave...though they also get napalmed to the fucking face, so I guess it's not the best trade off)
So what kind of WOMAN hating man directed this deplorable video that views women this way?
This guy:
Wait...What? Diane Martel is a chick? I thought it was a French name or something.
OK. So I guess this choreographer turned director is a self loathing piece of trash who has sold out the Ya Yas for filthy lucre. Let's see some of her past hateful filled work:
OK. This doesn't really help my argument. I mean, I need something gross and disgusting that shows her true colors:
Right, but this one more objectifies Bulls. Also, I must point out, no bulls were hurt in the making of this video. And bull fighting is gross and pointless and inhumane (Kevin steps off SOAPBOX).
BUT COME ON! I want a video that makes the bile rise up from my stomach and can be used as proof positive that Diane Martel hates women and has shit on all of their struggles to be accepted and taken seriously in, not just the work force, but society itself:
Nailed it!
OK. Maybe it's not simply the video and it's objectification of women, which Thicke fully admits to by the way:
"We tried to do everything that was taboo. Bestiality, drug injections, and everything that is completely derogatory towards women. Because all three of us are happily married with children, we were like, 'We're the perfect guys to make fun of this.'
OK. Hold on a second. I get it. Now I see the problem. Robin Thicke is Canadian! So there you have it. After all, here is EVERYTHING he sees as taboo:
1. Bestiality. I agree. At least Martel didn't have Jack White give a "handy" to the bull in the video (might have been in the directors cut)
2. Drug Injection. Not "drug use" mine you, just injection. Pop, snort, smoke, ingest anything you want, but don't be injecting shit!
3. And everything that is completely derogatory towards women. So you mean like Chris Brown's work?
Nailed it!
So maybe it's the content of the song itself that is the problem.
Tricia Romano refers to the song as "Kind of Rapey." Talk about your "blurred lines." It's either "Rapey" or it isn't. You can find Romano's full argument here:
Full disclosure - I like this song. And I hate rape. Does that make me a hypocrite? I listened to the song over and over again to determine if I am missing some hidden message in the song figuring maybe it'll be like in the 80s when I allowed my brother's friend to "backmask" my Dire Straits "Brother's In Arms" cassette. HOLY SHIT, I couldn't sleep for a week!
So it was somewhere around my 69th listening (I know, don't hate the player) that it hit me! This song isn't about forcing unwanted sex on a woman...it's about a guy who is debating having sex with a pre-op transgendered individual.
Don't believe me? I'll explain, with the help from the song's own lyrics.
My observations are in RED.
"Blurred Lines" (feat. T.I. & Pharrell Williams)
[Intro: Pharrell] Everybody get up Everybody get up Hey, hey, hey Hey, hey, hey Hey, hey, hey
"EVERYBODY get up." Clearly "get up" means to "pop a boner." Alas, a lady can NOT do this. Except maybe this chick:
[Verse 1: Robin Thicke] If you can't hear what I'm trying to say If you can't read from the same page Maybe I'm going deaf, Maybe I'm going blind Maybe I'm out of my mind [Pharell:] Everybody get up
"Maybe I'm going deaf, Maybe I'm going blind" This seems like he knows something is UP ("Everybody get up") But he's going to pretend he's "deaf and blind" to it. So right off the bat, he's fairly certain that he's "making time" with a fella.
[Pre-chorus: Robin Thicke] OK now he was close, tried to domesticate you But you're an animal, baby, it's in your nature Just let me liberate you Hey, hey, hey You don't need no papers Hey, hey, hey That man is not your maker
This is the singers way of saying, "Whatever floats your boat, friend! I'm Down! (presumably to fuck)"
[Chorus: Robin Thicke] And that's why I'm gon' take a good girl I know you want it I know you want it I know you want it
Why has no one pointed out that the first time he sings "I know you want it," it's in a higher register? And then the second time it's really deep. He's saying I know you want to have sex and concurrently, I know, you are in fact, a dude.
You're a good girl Can't let it get past me You're far from plastic Talk about getting blasted I hate these blurred lines
"You're far from plastic." Possibly a reference to the REAL thing this "good girl" is sporting between her (his) legs.
I know you want it I know you want it I know you want it But you're a good girl The way you grab me Must wanna get nasty Go ahead, get at me [Pharell:] Everybody get up
Pharell reconfirms, that it's cool for this "good girl" to get a boner.
[Verse 2: Robin Thicke] What do they make dreams for When you got them jeans on What do we need steam for You the hottest bitch in this place
Self explanatory...
I feel so lucky Hey, hey, hey You wanna hug me Hey, hey, hey What rhymes with hug me? Hey, hey, hey
You clever scamp! Although, easy with the Bobby Brown lines. "Fuck me" does not rhyme with "Hug me."
[Pre-chorus: Robin Thicke] OK now he was close, tried to domesticate you But you're an animal, baby it's in your nature Just let me liberate you Hey, hey, hey You don't need no papers Hey, hey, hey That man is not your maker Hey, hey, hey
"Don't need no papers" might even be a social commentary on the fact that same sex marriage is not legal in all fifty states yet. When you get down to it, this song is pretty goddman progressive! No wonder it's a hotbed of controversy.
Let's see where it goes next, shall we?
[Chorus: Robin Thicke] And that's why I'm gon' take a good girl I know you want it I know you want it I know you want it You're a good girl Can't let it get past me You're far from plastic Talk about getting blasted
"Can't let it get past me." He's saying, "Look. I know you got a dick. I got a dick. We all got dicks. Let's just make our dicks get all 'blasted' and such."
[Pharell:] Everybody get up I hate these blurred lines I know you want it I hate them lines I know you want it I hate them lines I know you want it But you're a good girl The way you grab me Must wanna get nasty Go ahead, get at me
"I hate them lines." Am I right? It's 2014 (is it? I should look into that) and dude love has been around forever. Constantine was into dudes. Also Christians, he picked the books in your Bible, so...."Everybody get up!"
[Verse 3: T.I.] One thing I ask of you Let me be the one you back that ass to
So far this checks out. "Look, I'm not quite ready to be a 'bottom.' Let's see what happens."
Go, from Malibu, to Paris, boo Yeah, I had a bitch, but she ain't bad as you
First there's a reference to playing with Barbie dolls (Malibu and Paris Barbie) then he admits, "Look, I've been with females, but i want to try some forbidden fruit."
Presumably, that was not a reference to Carmen Miranda.
So hit me up when you passing through I'll give you something big enough to tear your ass in two
"Cause you ain't got a vagina!" Yet. It's a 12 month layaway payment plan. Call now and we'll throw in another vagina free of charge. You just pay for shipping and handling.
Swag on, even when you dress casual I mean it's almost unbearable
"Swag on" reminds me of "Swing Heil" from the movie, Swing Kids. That movie was great. Also, I don't think it's a coincidence the kid's name is "Peter." You know, like a dick.
In a hundred years not dare, would I Pull a Pharside let you pass me by
I have no fucking clue what this means. Honestly, I might be about rape which would total fuck everything I have already written. Let's do what the US Military does when faced with the possibility of rape, move on and ignore it.
Nothing like your last guy, he too square for you He don't smack that ass and pull your hair like that
Yep.
So I just watch and wait for you to salute
Salute = boner.
But you didn't pick Not many women can refuse this pimpin' I'm a nice guy, but don't get it if you get with me
Check and mate!
[Bridge: Robin Thicke] Shake the vibe, get down, get up Do it like it hurt, like it hurt What you don't like work?
This is where he switches to being the "bottom." It hurts because he's new at this. He also makes small talk to make things less awkward by asking about his pre-op buddy's job.
[Pre-chorus: Robin Thicke] Baby can you breathe? I got this from Jamaica It always works for me, Dakota to Decatur, uh huh
I think they are trying on cologne.
No more pretending - I know you have a dick Hey, hey, hey - I like Fat Albert Cause now you winning - At Dominos or Charlie Sheen reference Hey, hey, hey - See two lines previously Here's our beginning - WE'RE DATING!
[Chorus: Robin Thicke] I always wanted a good girl
Ironic!
(Pharell: Everybody get up)
Lot's of boners.
I know you want it I know you want it I know you want it You're a good girl Can't let it get past me You're far from plastic Talk about getting blasted I hate these blurred lines
Let's just call it what it is:One and a Half Men. Charlie Sheen is gone. Which means the previous Charlie Sheen reference makes more sense.
(Pharell: Everybody get up) I know you want it I know you want it I know you want it But you're a good girl The way you grab me Must wanna get nasty Go ahead, get at me
So wanna meet my Mom?
[Outro: Pharrell] Everybody get up Everybody get up Hey, hey, hey Hey, hey, hey Hey, hey, hey
And there you have it.
So truthfully, it's a song about a modern, consensual, same (or similar) sex relationship. I think Alan Thicke's son is actually using this song, which has sold over 5 million copies in the US alone, to breakdown barriers in excepting all people for who they are.
