Little Drummer Boy

Who amongst us didn't think, at least at one point in their life, that "the Little Drummer Boy," and "Little Drummond Boy," might in fact be the same person? Be honest...

The fact is it's kind of tough to figure out who the REAL "Little Drummond Boy" would be. Sure Willis was the OLDEST, but that doesn't mean Philip Drummond didn't heap upon him ALL of his love. In fact, sometimes the OLDEST is the most loved. After all they are closest to you in age.

Let us remember all of the Drummond's as we go through the lyrics of "The Little Drummer Boy," and of course, some holiday history:

Little Drummer Boy was written in 1958. Katherine K. Davis, Henry Onorati & Harry Simeon all had a hand in its creation. The song would go on to be a hit for the odd duo of (Christmas perennial and kid beating) Bing Crosby & (cross dressing and Mick Jagger beating offing) David Bowie. It was Crosby's hottest selling song since "White Christmas."

"The Little Drummer Boy"

Come they told me, pa rum pum pum pum.
They actually told you "come?" Like...in what way?

A new born King to see, pa rum pum pum pum.
There seem to be a lot of problems with that last sentence...could you maybe move the verb around? What is this, "Yoda Speak?"

Our finest gifts we bring, pa rum pum pum pum.
Really? Cause you didn't actually bring anything. Yeah, you played a song and all...but you left nothing CONCRETE. Like, the kid had nothing to unwrap...that's kind of like not bringing anything at all. You didn't even leave a drum stick. Tommy Lee at least has the decency to throw a stick into the crowd...and he made a porn.
Just saying, be more like Tommy Lee (WWTLD?)

To lay before the King, pa rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum.
Again, didn't "lay" anything before the King. Tommy Lee on the other hand, did lay Pamela Anderson. Not necessarily "before" the King, but nonetheless...

So to honor him, pa rum pum pum pum, when we come.
Kind of obsessed with this whole coming thing, huh? And what's with the rum pum pum pums? Couldn't think of anything else? Sounds like a place holder that you decided to leave in. Lazy buddy! Really fucking lazy. Let's see how things are progressing for the "Little Drummond Boy..." Oh Sam. The cousin Oliver of Different Strokes. What was with your mother's accent by the way? Why didn't you have one?

Sam did end up on "Salute Your Shorts." He went from being "honkey lips," to being "Donkey Lips." Look it up...that's close to accurate, and on the internet, that's PRETTY DAMN GOOD!

Little Baby, pa rum pum pum pum.
I don't think I would call The Lord, a little baby. I understand what you're saying...just seems like a taunt.

I am a poor boy too, pa rum pum pum pum.
You just called Jesus a baby and poor. What's up bub? He can shoot ray beams out of his eyes. I wouldn't be talkin' shit.

I have no gift to bring, pa rum pum pum pum.
Because you spent all of your money. On whores. Philip Drummond would be rolling over in his grave if he wasn't cryogenically frozen (they store them so they can't roll over - limits the cracking).

That's fit to give the King, pa rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum.
The King? Or A King? Cause Jesus was great and all, but there's only one true King...

King Dudley:
You knew I had to fit in a Dudley getting molested joke right? Cause it isn't Christmas if some's "kick stand" isn't being straightened out in the back of a bike shop. Look it up...

Shall I play of you, pa rum pum pum pum? On my drum?
No, why don't you play on the baby's soft spot? Dumb fucking drumming kid. You know they will eventually invent a drumming machine because you're such a dick right?

Mary nodded, pa rum pum pum pum.
She was being nice.

The ox and lamb kept time, pa rum pum pum pum.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't that what the drummer is supposed to do?

I played my drum for Him pa rum pum pum pum.
We get it!

I played my best for Him pa rum pum pum pum rum pum pum pum rum pum pum pum.
You're what 6? How good could that really have been?

Then He smiled at me pa rum pum pum pum. Me and my drum.
He's a baby...it was gas.

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So there you have it. The Little Drummer Boy, and of course the little Drummond boy.

What's you talkin' about Jesus?