"My underwear is in the Louvre."

"My underwear is in the Louvre."

In July 1998 I traveled to Europe with my best friend, Steve. One of the many places we visited was Paris, France. It was the one and only time I was in the Louvre.

Like millions before me, I stood in awe before The Mona Lisa. As well as the Venus de Milo, Winged Victory, and various Egyptian Antiquities.

Truthfully, I can't recall if I saw France’s historic collection of crown jewels (which is currently in the news). I think I'd remember them, but Chuck Berry didn't reference them in "Brown Eyed Handsome Man," so they likely weren't on my radar at the time.

What I do remember was having a pair of Bullwinkle boxer shorts in my backpack. They fell out as I went to retrieve something, though my recollection of what it was is fuzzy. Perhaps I was reloading film in my trusty 110 camera so I could snap a few blurry shots of Aphrodite of Melos (that's the aforementioned Venus de Milo to you and me).

Regardless, my unmentionables lay on a marble floor that tens of 1000s of feet would travel that very day.

What to do with such a snafu? Why not hide the underwear behind a large rock wall that is part of the traveling Greek Exhibit? Ah yes! What a wonderful plan for a 23 year year old world traveler who's prefrontal cortex was still two years from maturity. Also, this is 3 years before 9/11, so security was not what it would become. However, a painting, "Le chemin de Sèvres" by Jean-Baptiste-Camille Corot was stolen just 2 months prior, so maybe a protocol or two could have been zhuzhed. I digress...

Yes, the thought process of this single young gent was that he'd be able to honestly tell his dates, "My underwear is in the Louvre." Remember, the prefrontal cortex was still (and probably still is) immature. Also, what dates? (I would meet Julie a year later - ask her sometime, THIS trivial fact might be what won her over!)

So imagine my shock and horror on Sunday October 19th, when a well organized crew broken into the world's most famous museum and attempted to steal my Bullwinkle Boxers! Luckily, their efforts were thwarted by a post 9/11 security team. These bandits would have to settle for some worthless bobbles and trinkets from the Louvre’s Apollo Gallery.

I say Félicitations! to the crew of the Louvre who have kept vigilant watch over my underwear all these years latyer, just so I can continue to break the ice saying with 100% truthfulness, "My underwear is in the Louvre."

(*Though, if I'm being honest with myself, I'm sure a cleaning crew found and disposed of them a few decades ago)

Let's Talk About Theater Prices!

What a potentially boring thing to talk about -- theater ticket prices.

Yesterday I read an article in The Guardian in which Actor Andrew Scott (AKA "Hot Priest" from Fleabag) spoke about the current price of tickets to see a production in the West End. He expressed his desire to see cheap theatre tickets "put on a sale rack." Specifically for younger patrons.

Inevitably you've seen or read an interview with an actor you love & adore who "got the bug" for acting when they saw their first production in the West End or on Broadway. It's charming. It's quaint. Dare I say, it's almost theatrical. But alas, ticket prices have risen so much, that seeing a show in one of these grand locations is out of the realm of possibility for many people, especially today's youth.

This is great place for me to mention that seeing shows at local theaters, be they Community Theater, Semi-Professional Theater, or even Professional Theater is something that you SHOULD do for a number of reason! I won't go into those reasons here (or I'll be writing this all day!) But if you want me to tell you why you SHOULD see those shows, and you SHOULD support local theater, you SHOULD buy me a cup of coffee and we'll talk about it for hours!

Before we had our daughter, my wife and I tried to see a Broadway show at least once a year. Yes, it was expensive, but it was important to us, so we sacrificed and saved to be able to afford it. After our daughter was born, it became less of a priority for the two of us. But now, at ten years old, she's becoming more and more interested in both the entertainment of storytelling and craft of acting.

She has taken a bunch of theater classes, as well as attended theater camps in the Summer. She's seen way more Community Theater, Semi Professional, and Professional shows than I had at her age. She's also performed in two professional shows ("Once" and "Assassins"), so the idea of taking her to see a show on Broadway or the West End is very appealing to us.

This is also a great place for me to mention that Julie and I combined have been working for well over 60 years! Which means, while we aren't wealthy, we definitely are more comfortable buying expensive tickets then your average kid who is still getting paid almost the same minimum wage we were all those years ago. This also is to point out that I'm old and going to complain about things! If you've read anything I've written, you already know that.

But, if a young person like my daughter, or your son, or that niece or nephew you've been meaning to call can't afford to see a Broadway or West End show, what does that say for the future of both Broadway and the West End? Or theater in general?

The incomparable David Tennant, of Doctor Who fame for the uneducated, refers to the price of theater tickets as "ludicrous."

“We have to look after the industry from the bottom up because we won’t be making great telly and we won’t be making Oscar-winning movies if we don’t still have a thriving theatre scene,” Tennant stated.

Exactly!

What will the face of theater look like, or film and television for that matter, if ticket prices remain unreachable for young people? Will all actors be old, rich, primarily white men (not counting the mezzanine).

Or will the expense of theater be replaced with the relatively free Tik Tok or Reels? And at what cost? How will our future storytellers be influenced by the "stories" that they have access to consume?

I like to think I'm not a "get off my lawn" type of aged person. I like to consider myself a sort of warden of entertainment for my child. Sure she's going to make her own decisions, but I like to make sure she's aware of the films, television, and theater that have come in the past.

But in the end, it's her generation that will carry entertainment and storytelling into the future. A future more uncertain than ever. With the hefty price of Climate Change, Environmental Sustainability issues and the difficulty of dealing with Artificial Intelligence. The least we can do is allow them a seat in the goddamn theater.

Making a Slurry

The mind is a weird and bizarre thing. Last night I was describing the process of "making a slurry" to Kit.

 I said, "It's like that time we made slime."
To which Kit replied, "We never made slime."

We 100% did. On May 11, 2021 in fact! Our friend Tara sent us a slime making kit from Nickelodeon (THANKS TARA!) AND we even put it in an episode of The Kit Show, "Kit's Science Lab #2."

This morning, I found this photo:

I remember this like is was merely a few weeks ago. Kit has no memory of it ever happening. We spent about 3 hours making slime. At 45 (at the time) that was a rather in significant duration of my life. At 7 (again at the time) it was a much LARGER part of Kit's life.

The human mind, specifically its memory, is a fascinating thing.

"I Forgive Myself"

 

One of my favorite philosophies, which I've learned from Improv, is the concept of "I forgive myself." There's NO FREAKING way I'd currently be performing one of my favorite musicals, on stage, if it weren't for embracing this tenet.

Performing and teaching improv has (almost) cured my stage fright...which, in high school, was damn near crippling. I have been a member of ComedySportz Philadelphia for the past 12 years. I have been teaching improv for the past 7 years. I freaking love it!

Through this sometimes maligned art form, I have grown to realize my fear was never "looking stupid on stage." As a comedian or entertainer or just a damn fool, that's kind of part and parcel to making people laugh. In fact, my low-rent super power is to convert people laughing at me into people laughing with me. Obviously a defense mechanism (also going back to high school). I've learned that much of my fear came from letting down those around me. My cast mates or fellow performers. If I drop a cue line, how does that affect their performance? THAT had long been my fear of stepping on stage in a scripted format. With Improv, there are no cue lines. There is no script. You accept ("yes"), you amplify ("and"), and you continue to tell the story...together.

But how do you take what you learn from improv and insert it into a scripted performance? By learning how to forgive yourself in the moment.

Last weekend, as we opened Assassins at City Theater in Wilmington Delaware, I new I was as prepared as I could possibly have been. I knew the script forward and backwards. The scenes. Two monologues. The songs. BUT, as sometimes can happen in a live setting, I slipped up. I transposed a line in a song... which happened to be a huge cue line for the rest of the cast. Collectively they salvaged my mistake, but I was so disappointed in myself. THIS is the FEAR come to life!

But then I said, "fuck it." I could sit there and let it eat at me for the rest of that performance, which will undoubtedly kill the mood every time I walk on stage, or I can do what I've learned from Jason Stockdale, Dave Jadico, Alli Soowal, Mary Carpenter, Kristin Finger, Don Montrey, Emily Davis, Darryl Charles, Sue Taney, Jon Colby, Steve Roney, Jim Burns, and a myriad of other teachers I've study with over the years and simply say "I forgive myself" and move on.

I'm not going to tell you it's easy. It's not! Quite the contrary. It takes a shitload of practice! But, since I fuck up a lot, and I'm old, I have to be damn close to my 10,000 hours needed to master it.

It works on as well as off the stage: Forgot to make the coffee, I forgive myself. Ran out of time before mowing the lawn, I forgive myself. Haven't showered in 3 days, I forgive myself...though those around you mind take exception.

The day after my error, I was back on stage in another performance. To alleviate it happening again, I was laboring over that part of the song. Jim Burns, who I have worked with on shorts, web series, improv shows, and various stage performances was helping me. After working it for a bit bit he finally said, "Okay. Don't over do it, or it becomes a thing." That advice greatly complimented the "I forgive myself" philosophy.

When that moment in the song came up, I concentrated on the words, but let go and didn't over complicate it. Everything went completely fine.

Forgive yourself. Also, if you can. get a Jim Burns in your life!

ALL A'BARD!

I'm now one of the Google users who is able to use BARD. So of course, I immediately asked it some tough questions:

I'm sure I am now on a list since I tried to use AI to help me get away with murder! It should be noted, the death was an accident AND my daughter NEVER HAD A GOLDFISH!!

Let's try something a little less murderous:

Did I say "less murderous?" My wife is 100% team Spike, I liked Angel...so she'll kill me over this.

Speaking of murder:

I had hoped this answer would have been more definitive. Like if it said, "Charlie Sheen." I'd have been shocked, but also, kind of not...

This is all well and good, but let's trying something with a little substance. Something that we ALL need an answer to:

"Your milkshake will be the talk of the town," is what Kelis' would have sung if she was a white dude in the 1940s.

And while we're talking about milkshakes...

Lotta pussyfootin' here, BARD!

Maybe I'll accept that BARD didn't want to commit to putting the blame on OJ, but the answer to this is 100% David Lee Roth, even if he is pompous as hell!

Looks like know new Beastie BARD songs coming anytime soon...

And finally, I have these song lyrics running through my head non-stop:

Until A.I. can properly recognize ANTHRAX lyrics, I don't think we have to fear an uncanny valley situation.

Also, OJ totally did it!

House of Glass(es) - How To Choose A Speaker of the House in 2023

Yesterday should have seen the swearing in of the 118th United States Congress.

This happened for the Democratic run Senate, but the Republican lead House of Representatives found itself in chaos. Rep. Kevin McCarthy of California, who has long positioned himself for the Speaker of the House position, saw his dreams slip through his fingers as he failed to gain the 218 votes needed to win the Speakership. In fact, he failed three times! 

This has not happened in over 100 years!

BUT, most people don't know, there are many weird and archaic rules that govern the government! The House of Representatives might have some of the weirdest!

As Rep. Matt Gaetz from Florida waged his war on Kevin McCarthy, some bizarre rules started to come to light. One of the strangest is as follows:

Rule 72 (9-c): pursuant with House rules, if a speakership cannot be decided after three continuous votes, the first member of the sitting body who eats their own glasses shall take up the title.

Apparently, many of the "would be" participants heard about this rule last evening, as they all jockeyed for position.

Being cheered on by some supporters, Kevin McCarthy started going to town on his reading glasses.

Rep. Steve Scalise from Louisiana, who many believe will end up being the Speaker of the House, said in a statement, "The only glasses I am interested in, are the commemorative drinking glasses for Puss in Boots, available at participating Popeyes® Louisiana Kitchen and the drinking glasses for Avatar: The Way of the Water available for a limited time at Chick-fil-A."

Rep. Jim Jordan from OH, who pretended he wasn't interested in the Speaker role, tried to eat his glasses right off his face without anyone noticing. He failed on both attempts.

Rep. Jim Banks from Indiana was seen eating his monocle which was mistaken for the statement "Eat the Rich." As such, he was immediately disqualified and removed from the Republican Party.

Rep. Andy Biggs from Arizona thought it would be funny to eat a pair of oversized clown glasses. However, none of his oversized clown colleagues were laughing. Also, his eyes were bigger than his stomach. 

Rep. Lauren Boebert from Colorado (not sure which planet), didn't understand the assignment. Instead she ate a Hearing Aid. Luckily, an Executive Order on Promoting Competition in the American Economy by President Biden, saw this hearing aid available over the counter, without a prescription. At least SOMEONE is still governing for the people.  

And of course, not to be out flanked by his cohorts when TV cameras are around, Matt Gaetz also attempted to eat a pair of glasses. However, his pair belonged to a minor who he had been sending money to for "things," which apparently isn't against the law, but it also didn't gain him the speakership.

**********
It's fucking insane that one of these assholes will likely be two heartbeats away from the Presidency. 
**********

By the way, if you were wondering if this practice has ever been used before to determine the Speaker of the house, the answer is yes! But that speaker had the decency to cover her mouth.

A Happy New Year's Day at Hershey Park

On New Year's Day we went to Hershey Park as a family. It's the last day the park is opened until April...unrelated, it's 62 degrees today!

While Julie, Kit, and I stood in the long line to purchase our tickets (I know, we didn't buy them online) a park employee approached and asked the line, "Who here is just buying tickets?"

My assumption was that everyone in line was. But like a proper grade schooler, I raised my hand. She then waved her hand to me and a woman stepped out from behind her, with her daughter in toe. That young girl was about Kit's age.

"We have these three tickets we'd like to give you," she said to us. WAIT! WHAT?!?

Her son is a Hershey Park employee and he had three remaining complimentary tickets that would expire at the end of the day. This kind woman: Got dressed, got her daughter out the door, and came to a very crowded amusement park (did I mention it was about 60 degrees that day too?) simply to give away these tickets.

She could easily have said, "Oh well" and simply thrown them in the trash. But here she was, on the first day of the new year, doing something incredibly selfless.

Julie asked if we could Venmo her, which this kind woman immediately declined. We thanked them profusely, but it all happened so fast, that we never asked for their names.

Literally the kindness of strangers.

I have seen many posts and news stories that would lead you to believe "2023 is starting off terribly." But I can't disagree more.

Inevitably we'll all suffer great defeats, losses, illnesses, and even deaths that will affect us deeply. Unfortunately, that is reality of living regardless of the year printed on your Otter Calendar.

But, not even a full 24 hours into a brand spanking new year, I have a renewed optimism regarding humanity. Many thanks to these kind strangers for helping kick off our 2023 in such a pleasantly surprising way.

Wishing you ALL many more highs than lows and a very Happy New Year!

THAT's WHAT's UP!

I am as guilty as anyone of overusing the word, "Awesome."

Every time someone posts something positive on social media, my initial response is, "Awesome."
And now occasionally, "Amazing."
But both of them, I use WAAAAY too much.

Starting today, and running through the rest of the year, I am going to comment, "That's what's up!"


POST: She said yes!
MY COMMENT: That's what's up!

POST: This fall we'll be introducing a new member to the family!
MY COMMENT: That's what's up!

POST: Holy Shit! Agents are bringing people out of Mar-A-Lago in handcuffs!
MY COMMENT: That's what's up!


Please don't think that I am in any way being sarcastic if I leave this comment on one of your posts. It's just that I want to convey my feelings about your news in a positive way with out saying "Awesome."

I don't know how people will react to this, but me...I think...that's what's awesome. Shit! Fuck! Dammit! It's a hard habit to break.  

Fuck Your Hobby

The right to bear arms, along with nine other amendments, was adopted in 1789. This is when life expectancy for a white man was about 38 years. Of course these lazy gents needed something to occupy their remaining days, as life sounded pretty freaking boring before the 1800s.

Forget smart phones and video games, 1789 was before baseball was invented (1839). Before ice hockey was invented (1875). Before basketball was invented (1891). Before football was invented (1920). Before the wide popularity of 18 hole golf as we know it or bowling. Before film was invented (1895) and porno films (soon after film). The piano was still in its infancy and the drum kit wouldn't be invented for over a hundred years. Even the first national selling beer, Budweiser, wouldn't come out until 1876. There were not a lot of things to do recreationally besides fucking, fighting, and shooting guns.

But here we are almost two and half centuries later and that strange need for guns is still so important to some people that even the murdering of children is not enough to sway their opinions. I don't know, man. Maybe you just suck at having fun, but there has to be a better way than this.

 

A LONG, LONG WEEKEND!

Sometimes it's hard to remember what I did over a weekend. There are a lot of times, when Monday morning rolls around, it doesn't seem like I did much of anything. THIS was NOT one of those weekends!

I figured I should put it down in writing, so on those "lazy weekends" I can remember why the LAZY is so desperately needed!

FRIDAY:

Normally my work day is 6am to 2:30pm. However, there was nothing normal about Friday April 8!

I started off filming a safety program for "Slips, Trip, and Falls." On this particular day, we were working on the OFFICE version. I don't typically like to film on half days, as there's not time to get much done. However, I wanted to at least get a handful of shots "in the can," so I could edit them Monday morning. 

That box is heavier than you think!
(Actually it's empty)

I was only working a half day, 6-10am. I had another commitment elsewhere.

My daughter's principal was hosting "An Ice Cream Social" at the school and they needed parent volunteers to help hand out the ice cream to the students (as well as sorbet - yay VEGAN!).  

This is our John Hughes photo. Very "Breakfast Club."

We were heroes to those kids! Thanks to Scoops of Media for the ice cream/sorbet.

There was about a hour of school left after all of the ice cream was handed out (those poor teachers!) So I had time to kill. I walked around Media for about 45 minutes.

It was nice and not something I get to do as regularly as I'd like to during the week.

"Walking around media" consisted of getting coffee at Cafe Isla and a shit load of candy at Games on State. the arcade on State Street.

Once Kit's school ended, we went home and walked the dog. Then, I headed to Fan Expo (previously Wizard World) in Philadelphia for the first of three very different shows this weekend (two of which were at Fan Expo).

I played NerdProv with ComedySportz (in our NEW uniforms!)

Always one of my favorite matches of the year, and this one was special.

With the exception of Remark with Kristin & Mike, and a performance of Roll Play in late December with Shaun, I hadn't performed with any of these fine people in a very long time!

It was my first ComedySportz match since March 8, 2020!
That was 761 days ago!!!

After the match, many of us hung out on the exhibit floor...after all WE'RE at Fan Expo!

SATURDAY:

We had a slightly early start to Saturday morning as we needed to get Kit up, breakfast, and dressed in her softball uniform for her team photos at 9am, AKA pure chaos! I forgot, as a coach, I had to get a photo too! I met the team's head coach to get MY uniform.

TWO NEW UNIFORMS THIS WEEKEND!
(You'll have to tune back in for THOSE photos once we get them).

Then Kit and I hightailed it over to her theater class at the Media Theater (still in her softball uniform). We were about 10 minutes late. If you know me, you know this is worse than being stabbed in the gut to me!

I then had down time as I waited for Kit's class to end. I walked to the softball field, where Kit's softball league would be having Opening Day ceremonies in the afternoon.

They found that their American flag was missing! So, as the Media Area Girls Softball board prepped the field for Opening Day, I ran to Deal's in Media and bought a lot of American flags! I even helped hang them and the MAGS banners. If they are crooked, you know who to blame.

That's not crooked, that's the wind blowing!

Then, after Kit's class, we went grocery shopping since she was staying over Grammy's house that night.

I made Kit & myself lunch as Julie did our taxes. Then I took the dog for a walk.

Kit and I packed the car for her sleep over AND went back to the softball field for Opening Day!

Kit wanted EVERYONE of these balloons!

The Opening Day was filled with a bounce house, Easter egg hunt, and hanging out with friends! A very welcome return to normalcy that these kids have been missing for the past two years.

The mayor even threw out the first pitch...twice. He wanted a do-over. 

Robert A. McMahon - Mayor of Media, PA

I then took Kit straight to Grammy's. "The Greatest Showman" immediately went on the TV and I headed home to shave my beard into a mustache...

It was for a show that night, I swear!

City Theater had been hired by The Delaware Contemporary to help with their fundraiser. 

So Kerry and I developed and performed "An Art Heist."

This was an absolute JOY! Some of these people I hadn't performed with in many, many years! Who do you think stole the painting?
(*It was determined by the patrons)

After the show, Julie and I drove home from Wilmington. I staved off my mustache. We couldn't find anywhere to eat a late night dinner. So we drove BACK to Delaware and went to Home Grown in Newark. Good thing gas is so cheap!

After dinner we went home and fell asleep many times during Saturday Night Live.

SUNDAY:

(*It ain't over yet!)

Awoken by a puking cat, we feed the animals and decided to take advantage of having the house to ourselves and watched like 4 episodes of Parks & Rec.

We took the dog for a walk and found the sun to be a big fat liar as it was much colder than the thermometer indicated. It was a quick walk.

Julie went to pick up Kit and went to my third and final show of the weekend...back to Fan Expo to do a recording of Remark in front of a LIVE audience.

THIS was also the first time, in the two years of doing Remark, that Kristin and I (and Mike) were in the same room!

It was an awesome, dare I say "exhausting," weekend.

I got to see some dear friends, reconnect with people I haven't seen in two years, and meet many new faces! Including Harley Quinn.

I also behaved and barely spent any money at the various events I attended...except the $1100 I spent on gas!

One Step Closer...Coming For You, Luca Brasi!

 

Luca Brasi lunch box? No.

But we're getting closer...

My Complex Feelings Towards Boba Fett

 

Back around the beginning of 1999, I wrote a piece about my strong dislike of the Star Wars character, Boba Fett. I say "piece," because this wasn't a blog post. In fact it was pre: Facebook Notes, Blogger, UJournal, MySpace, and even Friendster. I also say "piece" as it is quite the piece of shit. Even now I loathe much of my writing as soon as I write it. So you can imagine my feelings for something I wrote almost 25 years ago! BUT, I do like a few of the things I mentioned in it.

The gist of the piece was that it's okay for nerds to go against "popular nerd opinions." My unpopular opinion, was that Boba Fett was a one dimensional character, a "filler character" as I originally described him, who had achieved unwarranted hero worship. I went on to say:

I don’t see why everyone goes crazy for this guy (Boba Fett).  He’s a bounty hunter, but so is Luca Brasi from the Godfather.  I've never seen anyone carrying a Luca Brasi lunch box in my life.

(*A quick, modern Google search, which didn't exist in the 90s, yielded zero results of "Luca Brasi lunch boxes." So if you're looking for something unique for your Etsy store...)

I also debunk the belief that Boba Fett should be credited with the capture of Han Solo. 

Boba Fett does deliver Han Solo’s body, frozen in carbonite, to Jabba the Hutt.  However, he didn’t actually capture him.  Darth Vadar captured Solo, and if you really want to get literal Lando Calrissian actually captured his friend Han.  Nice friend.  Boba Fett was simply in the right place at the right time.

This remains true.

Back around 2009, when I was a co-host of the podcast "You've Got Geek on You," I even added that I will give Boba Fett due respect for standing toe to toe with Vader when he told him "He's of no use to me dead." But this diplomacy, while brave and admirable, doesn't really account for Hasbro pumping out a shit ton of action figures with his likeness. I mean, you don't have a figure of Llewellyn Thompson sitting on a shelf collecting dust, do you?

(*This Dennis Miller-esque reference also required "Googling")

I continued with this sound gem:

Valentine's Day is coming up...let's say you have your secretary call and order flowers for your wife, but you merely sign your name.  Should acne-covered kids in arcades across America wear t-shirts of you?

(*Remember arcades?)

You can see why I am cherry picking and NOT posting the whole "piece," right?

The intention of my original writing still holds true, it's okay to go against the popular culture opinions of the day. Fans LOVED Boba Fett, I didn't. Not until 20 years later when another fan, named Dave Filoni, came along and gave a back story and dimension to this previously flat character in The Clone Wars cartoon. I loved the backstory and emotional motivation that was brought to the young Boba Fett. I cheered when he showed up in The Mandalorian. And now, I am enjoying the hell out of the deeper exploration of the character in "The Book of Boba Fett" series. Yet, ironically, many of those original Fett fans are starting to level their hatred towards the series, ostensibly for the same reasons I love it.

I'll keep watching. I'll keep being opinionated. And I'll keep looking for those Luca Brasi lunch boxes.

On the EVE of JAN 6

 Stay with me...this is going somewhere...this is some Third Eagle of the Apocalypse shit right here!

EVE

PLUM

EVE PLUMB

EVE 6

JAN 6

JAN was 1 of 6

JAN created GEORGE GLASS

Donald Trump appointed GEORGE Edward GLASS as the Ambassador of the United States to the Portuguese Republic from 2017 to 2021

G E O R G E E D WA R D G L A S S has 17 letters

Q-Bert is the 17th most popular game on Atari...

I think I lost the thread, guys...