Public Vs Private

There are some things that are acceptable to do in public and some things you ONLY do in private.  We accept taking a crap or partaking in the basic actions needed to create a child are typically reserved for more private locales.  But who determines which goes in which list? 

Public = Blowing your nose                                          

Private = Blowing your boss

Public = Picking your Fantasy Baseball Team   

Private = Picking your underwear from your crack

Public = Applying lip balm                                           

Private = Applying for welfare

Public = Wiping sweat off your brow                           

Private = Wiping whip cream off your penis

Public = Quoting Mel Gibson movies                           

Private = Quoting Mel Gibson

Public = Singing your head off to Hair              

Private = Singeing off your pubic hair

Public = Tying your sneakers & shooting hoops

Private = Tying off & shooting up

Public = Drinking a coke listening to Fats Domino        

Private = Finishing a coke with Fatty Arbuckle

Public = Finger painting pictures of your cousin                                     

Private = Finger banging…I think you get the point

When in doubt ask yourself, “What would Gary Carter do?”  The answer?  NOTHING.  Because he died last week.