Fatassed Stocking Stuffer!

Santa is being told to shift the pounds before Christmas - because the obese saint is failing to set a "good example" for children.
The traditional children's hero, best known for feasting on mince pies left out on Christmas eve, has always sported a bulging midriff.
But shopping centre bosses are giving the well-wisher his marching orders - to the nearest gym - to tackle the increasing problem of obesity.
The revelation comes after a medical report earlier this month stated that by 2050 more than 50 per cent of Brits will be obese.
Bluewater shopping centre in Greenhithe, Kent, has even gone one step further and set-up a Santa boot camp.
Fiona Campbell-Reilly, spokeswoman at the shopping centre, said: "Santa has been around for years, but society has changed and our Santa needs to reflect this.
"Bluewater's Santa Boot Camp is getting Santa in shape and setting a good example to children who idolize him.
"He will still be the same lovable jolly man, but will be fitter and healthier."
Despite Santa burning 600 calories an hour from delivering presents, the problem lies in the tasty mince pies left as a treat.
If he ate every single mince pie left for him by eager children in the UK he would gain an astonishing 721,000 lbs.
Dr Charmaine Griffiths, spokesperson from the British Heart Foundation, said: "The bootcamp would encourage people to get a bit more active - it is a great idea.
"If you are budding Santa or a hopeful elf, then we should all be taking steps to being fit and healthier at Christmas.
"Half an hour of exercise, three days a week could make your heart healthier. I think that like most of us, Santa could be doing more to make himself that little bit fitter.
"He can have a pie every so often but try to squeeze in a few carrots as well."
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Mandating what our imaginary character's can and can't do?

Whatever, just as long at the ToothFairy can't get married, I'm happy.

Santa is a the original fatassed stocking stuffer...I started Xmas shopping today. I hope I have enough time to get it all done.

Poor Fella...

This poor guy:

Man, 24, loses 82-year-old wife

An 82-year-old Argentine woman who attracted media attention last month when she married a 24-year-old man has died as a result of heart problems.

Adelfa Volpes was admitted to hospital soon after she and her new husband, Reinaldo Waveqche, returned from their honeymoon in Brazil.

She died in a sanatorium in Santa Fe, the city where the couple were married.
Ms Volpes had rejected criticism over the age difference with the groom, who is the son of one of her best friends.

"I don't want to resign myself to the idea that I lost her," a disconsolate Mr Waveqche told EFE news agency.

The couple were married on 28 September in a civil service after several years of engagement, and later walked through a local church surrounded by reporters.

Their love is said to have blossomed when Mr Waveqche went to live with his future bride after his mother's death, when he was 15.

Here's his picture:

High Brow/ Low Brow

The Dalai Lama grants safety for all those who ask…



Man this joke is only funny if you really know football.

Guilty...of Bad Lyrics

The school teacher-turned-rock star topped Blender's list of the worst lyricists, thanks to lines that betray "mountainous pomposity (and) cloying spirituality," the music magazine said.
The survey, contained in the November issue that hits newsstands next week, placed Rush drummer Neil Peart at No. 2, Creed frontman Scott Stapp at No. 3, Oasis guitarist Noel Gallagher at No. 4, and soft-rocker Dan Fogelberg at No. 5.
Blender assailed Sting for such alleged sins as name-dropping Russian novelist Vladimir Nabokov in the Police tune "Don't Stand So Close to Me," quoting a Volvo bumper sticker ("If You Love Someone Set Them Free"), and co-opting the works of Chaucer, St. Augustine and Shakespeare.

http://music.yahoo.com/read/news/49944484

I hate Sting. I hate the Police. I don’t’ actually hate either of them, because I spend no time thinking about them. They bore the hell out of me. I put them on par with Phil Collins and Genesis. You might think its British easy listening that I hate…and you might be right.

Stinky Feet!

Roommate killed over 'stinky feet'
http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=071008171245.ezubiu09&show_article=1

A Texas man is accused of stabbing his roommate to death because the man complained about his "stinky feet," local media reports.
The two men rented a small bedroom in a Houston apartment from a married couple with a baby.
The mother and child were sitting outside Saturday evening when the men started drinking in their room, the Houston Chronicle reported Monday.
They started fighting about the man's "stinky feet" and the woman peered into the room to see one of the men holding a knife in his hands, said Sgt. M. Sosa of the homicide squad.

Just think-if the guy had had beans the whole family might be dead.

Packing Up the Lockers

I could get down on the Phillies, bitch about their sudden lack of hitting, whine about how they have no pitching, blame everything that has ever gone wrong in the city of brotherly love on our Hayseed manager…or I can bask in an awesome season that gave us three games more than any other team in our division.

I think I’ll choose to bask. April is right around the corner…until then I say, “drop the puck bitches!”

I Hate Blogging When I'm Sick!

INSANITY!

I am getting super pissed that MLB, TBS and anyone else involved has yet to announce the playoff schedule times. Rumor has it that the NLDS are going to be mostly afternoon games, while the Red Cox and the Spankees are 8pm games. So I have this to say to all Cox and Spankees fans everywhere…FUCK YOU!

I don’t blame the teams, but I don’t understand how it is that programming directors and advertisers pray on these markets and thumb their nose at Philly. First of all, Philly is the fattest fucking city on Earth! Wouldn’t it make more sense to advertise in a city that partakes in the products you’re looking to hawk. Who is buying a car in New York City? You can’t go anywhere…and Boston with their eternal Big Dig. Please. Again-go with Philly. Sure we have traffic, but no one actually lives in the city.

I’m just annoyed. I have tickets (through the kindly Jim burns) for Thursday, and I don’t know if I have to take off from work or not. It’s irritating. I feel like crap today and would’ve taken a half day, but again I don’t know if I’ll need to leave early on Thursday. Sucks!

Here’s a neat little story.

We are filming for our internet show the second weekend of November (I don’t work retail anymore). One of the locations is a supermarket. So George Stulak-producer at larger-was trying to secure us the site. The contact he gave me, it so turns out< knows my cousins Tim and Dan really well. I gotta admit, this was awesome! Makes me feel less stress about shooting at an actual supermarket. We are almost squared away on all of this mess. I can’t wait.

We had the annual canoe trip this weekend. Seeing as how low the water level was it should’ve been called the walk through a puddle weekend. I got a kayak because Julie wasn’t there. My arms were exhausted. I got quite lost trying to find the place (which is odd because it’s the 4th time I did it). We shoved off at 11:45 and made port again at 4pm. It was nice hanging out with Brian and Vicki…and when I say hanging out, I mean having our water crafts bottom out on the creek bed. Is it any wonder why the Whiteman beat the Indians?

I got home and tried to go to sleep, after the Phillies game (which we lost—This was pre Division Champions). Jim Brett called and woke me up…not really though because I never really fell asleep. He was telling me that Redemption, a band from our high school days were NOT getting back together at REX’s. I was bummed because we were looking forward to it all week. We went anyway because a lot of people we went to high school with were going to be there. Umm…most of them hadn’t changed a bit…like literally. Same moth holed Joy Division Tee shirts. You can’t go home again, and why would you want to?

Then Sunday came. 27 outs later the Phillies are National League East Champions. I am still in awe. I can’t wait for Wednesday. No matter how the place I will be happy…although the smile gets bigger the further they go.

I feel liek crap and may not make it until 5pm.